sweetestdesire Posted February 22, 2012 Share Posted February 22, 2012 I'm starting to date a 28 year old, I'm 21. He has no kids & was in a 5 year relationship. We seem to have a lot in common, sense of humor, sports teams, goals in life etc. I'm a little hesitant about the age difference because i haven't dated as old as him, although he does not look 28. Has anyone dated someone older, what was it like? what was the outcome. Any advice input would be appreciated. Link to comment
pl3asehelp Posted February 22, 2012 Share Posted February 22, 2012 7 years isn't a lot, but at your age I think you can multiply that by like 3 to get a comparable age difference for other phases of life. You could quite possibly still be a child (living with parents, financially dependent, no carreer) while he's an adult (mortgage, career, etc) - if this is the case, you're at risk of being manipulated without really understanding what's happening to you. Link to comment
sweetestdesire Posted February 22, 2012 Author Share Posted February 22, 2012 I'm very self-independent, rent a room, been working since i was 15, went to college etc. Maturity wise; he's ideal for me. doesn't play games etc Link to comment
TearsofFate Posted February 22, 2012 Share Posted February 22, 2012 If you like him then I wouldn't let 7 years bother you (it's not that long). Just keep in mind that both of you will probably be at different phases in your life. That may or may not interfere with the relationship. I dated someone a lot older before for about 1 week after we were friends for almost a whole year. During that week we had fun, but we figured that the age difference would eventually destroy us. He would become old..while I was still really young. Luckily you don't have to deal with this issue as 7 years really isn't that long. It will take some getting used to on your part, but that is normal. If you like him, you like him right? If you two get along, then why let 7 years bother the relationship? There will probably be times when he acts his age, as you do yours, but if you can both accept the age difference, you should be fine, and will probably get used to it. Have fun Link to comment
sweetestdesire Posted February 22, 2012 Author Share Posted February 22, 2012 Thanks TearsofFate! yes, i really do like him. I feel like i can learn a lot from him as well as him from me. Get him out of his lil cocoon hehe. He doubted me at first because of my age but got to know me & see's i'm not your average 21 year old. We'll see what happpens.... i'm excited to try something different. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted February 22, 2012 Share Posted February 22, 2012 I am dating someone 7 years older, and my parents have a 7 year age difference. It's no big deal. It can be a bigger deal at your age if you are at the stage where you hadn't quite figured out exactly who you are yet. If you have lived on your own/handled your own bills, etc, then the age gap won't be a huge deal, but if you have not gone through all of that yet, you might find yourself changing your needs and the relationship might change. Most young women dating older men say they are "not your average ___insert age her"-year-old. So I don't take much stock in it. When i was going with a guy who was older than me at that age, I was not average as far as I didn't party, I was farther along in school since I skipped a grade and actually felt like I was more mature and I was the same as a 30 year old. However, in the next few years after that, I realized how ungrownup and immature I actually was when it came to handling certain personal issues in a relationship. That stuff was all new to me and because i was very mature beyond my years in other ways, I sort of ignored it. So, enjoy the relationship but also be honest with yourself on where you are at in life and don't try to rush things too fast. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted February 22, 2012 Share Posted February 22, 2012 My friend's daughter who is almost 21 just got engaged to a guy about 7 years older - and my friend had a 7-year age difference in her marriage when she was in her early 20s -I don't think it's a big deal. Link to comment
mr_zanon Posted February 22, 2012 Share Posted February 22, 2012 I once date a girl 6 years younger for several months... instead of being a problem, the age difference even became a joke between us. If it's a healthy relationship, these 7 years won't be a problem. Link to comment
In the Dark Posted February 22, 2012 Share Posted February 22, 2012 I think you're absolutely fine to be dating this guy since it appears you are wanting to skip the, I am 21 and I need to party like there's no tomorrow stage. Link to comment
sweetestdesire Posted February 22, 2012 Author Share Posted February 22, 2012 I think you're absolutely fine to be dating this guy since it appears you are wanting to skip the, I am 21 and I need to party like there's no tomorrow stage. I started maturing really fast due to hanging out w/ older people/family members. I started going out since i was 15 so i know what the going out scene is like. & to be quite honest i get a little tired of it sometimes, especially because i'll be the same places. I only go out if my friends invite me & im in the "mood" to go out out, get ready etc Link to comment
sweetestdesire Posted February 22, 2012 Author Share Posted February 22, 2012 This would actually be my only concern. Not being able to handle situations in a "mature" way. Him bringing up marriage, kids & me not be ready for it. I feel like i would be willing to commit because i'm a faithful person but at the same time i STILL want to experience LIFE. & travel & finish school (going for my bachelors) & i wouldn't anything to intervene. Thank you for helping me see it in a different perspective. Link to comment
sweetestdesire Posted February 22, 2012 Author Share Posted February 22, 2012 I once date a girl 6 years younger for several months... instead of being a problem, the age difference even became a joke between us. If it's a healthy relationship, these 7 years won't be a problem. How did it turn out to be a joke Zanon? You think its harder when the sex is vice versa. The 21 yr old girl not willing to committ & the 28 yr old guy is. What was ur situation? if you dont mind me asking Link to comment
DrKitten Posted February 22, 2012 Share Posted February 22, 2012 Feels like I wrote this post. We have the same age difference. Started dating when I just turned 22 and he was 28, turning 29 that year. We are coming up on two years and just started living together. Couldn't be happier. We are also in California and he had a 5 year relationship before me. Creepy! Link to comment
sweetestdesire Posted February 22, 2012 Author Share Posted February 22, 2012 Feels like I wrote this post. We have the same age difference. Started dating when I just turned 22 and he was 28, turning 29 that year. We are coming up on two years and just started living together. Couldn't be happier. We are also in California and he had a 5 year relationship before me. Creepy! WWOOOAWW 0_0. Hope i become as happy as you seem to be Link to comment
22n32 Posted February 22, 2012 Share Posted February 22, 2012 7yrs is not much.. if u both have similar maturity level and want the same things outa life.. most of my rel are 5-10yr gaps.. Link to comment
orchidrose Posted February 22, 2012 Share Posted February 22, 2012 I'm dating a guy who's six years older. He admitted that he was kind of worried when he found out my age because of the immaturity issue (I'm 25, he's 31), but I'm very mature for my age, have a good career, etc. Haven't had any problems. We're different ages, but we're really at the same stage in life. Link to comment
sweetestdesire Posted February 22, 2012 Author Share Posted February 22, 2012 Nice. i'm a little advanced than him because i'm pursing a college degree & he only graduated from high school (started working 2 jobs) I've motivated him w/ that, & gave him all the different options (night classes, online classes ) & he actually is considering it. Link to comment
Jim Wormold Posted February 22, 2012 Share Posted February 22, 2012 My ex was 14 years younger than me (I am 42 now). Thats exactly double your gap. Looking back I know that my worries about the age gap played a significant part in sabotaging the relationship. Well, it was a bit more complicated than that, but it still played a role. When that person leaves the relationship, then all you know is you hurt like hell and you love that person to bits. All the logic and rationalisation appears nonsensical. Stupid. But nothing but nothing will bring her back now. I feel ridiculous for ever having had those thoughts. Lost a potential second family too. What I am saying is - if you two get on well then throw that age issue out the window. Fast!! Enjoy every moment of each other's company. You may be experiencing something truly special... Link to comment
mr_zanon Posted February 22, 2012 Share Posted February 22, 2012 How did it turn out to be a joke Zanon? You think its harder when the sex is vice versa. The 21 yr old girl not willing to committ & the 28 yr old guy is. What was ur situation? if you dont mind me asking In my case, I was 28 and she was 22. She sometimes called me "Sir", in a cute, funny, loving way, in example. Jokes about me being almost 30 and her being "almost a teenager". It may sound that she had problems with our age gap, but no, she didn't. We didn't have any committing problems either. She did have somethings she wanted to do even if we were to be together for the long-term, like buying her own house. She was almost graduating from college and already had a job, so there was no problem, really. But things didn't work out as we both wanted, so we went our separate ways. Nothing related to our age gap. And we're still friends, by the way. Link to comment
mr_zanon Posted February 22, 2012 Share Posted February 22, 2012 Nice. i'm a little advanced than him because i'm pursing a college degree & he only graduated from high school (started working 2 jobs) I've motivated him w/ that, & gave him all the different options (night classes, online classes ) & he actually is considering it. The fact alone that he's considering it is already good. If he never thought about it, and is considering it now, because of you, then it's a very very good sign. Link to comment
pl3asehelp Posted February 22, 2012 Share Posted February 22, 2012 Nice. i'm a little advanced than him because i'm pursing a college degree & he only graduated from high school (started working 2 jobs) I've motivated him w/ that, & gave him all the different options (night classes, online classes ) & he actually is considering it. Hm, I don't know if I'd agree that you are more 'advanced'. Are you working full time in a career like position while you go to school? If not, or if you're working something temporary to pay the bills while you go to school, then the two of you do have a pretty big difference that you might not realize. If he's working 2 jobs now and has no solid plans to further his education, he could very likely be doing the job now that he'll be doing for the next 40 years. That means his social circle is 'set' in a way. As is his financial future. You on the other hand have a vast unknown career landscape ahead of you that could take you in a radically different direction that where you're at right now. So where in a few years you might be a lawyer making lots of money and hanging around with other laywers and politicians, he'll be exactly like he is today. I'd say based on this you two are at pretty different stages of life right now. School is really hard work and unless a person is self motivated, it can just be a big waste of time and money with loans, dropped classes, etc. Link to comment
sweetestdesire Posted February 23, 2012 Author Share Posted February 23, 2012 I am actually. Mon-Fri 8-5. It's not the field i received my A.A in but it's one I'm interested in. I wanted to try different fields before I choose my career. I have my own car under my own name & do perfectly fine w/ money. I see what you mean by him maybe not advancing in the future but everyone is motivated differently & for different reasons. For example adults, adults who go back just to finish their general ED, just to say they did it. He can be one of those people. Anybody can be those type of people w/ a lil motivation. It's never too late to be successful. & yes school can be a waste if people don't fully think through before committing themselves to their career & if they let it go to waste. People can be anything they want to be but certain people are lazy & give up to easily. I see having a further education as a safety net but you don't have to use. Goodluck at a job interview competing w/ someone w/ a college degree!! Link to comment
Realitynut Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 Geez, enjoy it while you can!!! I was 20 and lived with a guy that was just turning 29. He just had his second divorce when I showed up. He was an alcoholic. Did I know it? Nope. Did I figure it out eventually? Yep. In those 3 years I matured, and he was still drinking. He was a nice guy, had a good job (as far as I was concerned), but the booze got the best of him. I took it as a learning experience...I never wanted to date a 'drinker'...lol Nobody is asking you to marry the guy...just enjoy...lots of women your age need an older 'man', since many 'boys' mature later than the girls. I have a 20 yr. old son, and a 24 yr. old...both very immature...people actually think my 20 yr. old is in Jr. high!!! Link to comment
pl3asehelp Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 I am actually. Mon-Fri 8-5. It's not the field i received my A.A in but it's one I'm interested in. I wanted to try different fields before I choose my career. I have my own car under my own name & do perfectly fine w/ money. I see what you mean by him maybe not advancing in the future but everyone is motivated differently & for different reasons. For example adults, adults who go back just to finish their general ED, just to say they did it. He can be one of those people. Anybody can be those type of people w/ a lil motivation. It's never too late to be successful. Do you not consider him to be successful right now because of his level of education? Link to comment
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