susie91 Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 hi everyone Ive been with my guy for a year and a half. Im 20 and he is 26. We have been living together for half that time and things have been not so great for the last 4 or 5 months. We fight constantly and its over the smallest things. Its usually him who will start a fight. Our fights have gotten a little physical before and there is alot fo verbal abuse from both ends. We have been trying to work things out until about 3 weeks ago when i learned that I could go to live in america with my mum and family and get my citizenship. Unfortunetly this can only happen if they petition for me before im 21 which is only 2 months away. If they wait until after im 21 then its around a 7 year wait. (to catch you up: my mother married a man from over there 3 years ago and has been living there with my brother since, they now have a little 2yr old girl who i love so much. I only see them once a year and ive always regretted not going with them. Unfortunetly until now we all thought that i had missed my chance to go) So anyway i know if i dont go then i will always regret it. Its a fantastic opportunity and not only that, i will get to be around my family as we are very close. I know if i choose to go then it will be over between me and my guy as he cannot come and a long distance wont work. In about 2 weeks from now we had planned to move and now that may not be happening. I need to make my decision pretty much now. its driving me insane!!!! I do love him but i feel there is a big arse wall between us. I dont know if i can risk staying to make it work and then it not work and i miss out on going to america for good. Need some advice. I feel like i cant leave him. i dont know why as one minute hes nice and the next hes verbally abusive. I have lost all my self esteem because of him. Do i love him or am i just comfortable and scared of change??? Link to comment
DN Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 Of course you should leave. Abuse of that kind is unacceptable. Link to comment
diamond78 Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 This is truly a blessing in disguise for you. You have the perfect opportunity and reason to leave. If I were you, I would not miss this chance to go be with your family. Plus, I think being around your loved ones will help you gain that confidence and self-esteem you have been losing in this current relationship. I think you know you should go and just need a bit of a friendly push and encouragement! Link to comment
MikNomis Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 I seriously think you should go to USA and rejoin with your family. You've always wanted to, you regret not doing so earlier, and you're in an abusive relationship which I can sense that you see the future is not so bright concerning you two. Therefore, you probably wouldn't remain together and get married anyway, in which case you will heavily, HEAVILY regret not ending it sooner and getting your US citizenship when you had the perfect chance. Weigh it out yourself and you'll probably agree it's the better choice to go to the US. Link to comment
jacqueline45 Posted February 22, 2012 Share Posted February 22, 2012 Yes leave he is beating you down emotionally and that is horrible feeling just as bad as physical. Get out. That is a blessing in diguise and take it. go be with your family. In this case change is good because you have family there to make you feel better about yourself, hopefully. I hope they encourage and love you so your self-esteem grows. Link to comment
jacqueline45 Posted February 22, 2012 Share Posted February 22, 2012 I like that quote. Never heard it like that before. Waiting too long and you will miss out and stay in that horrible situation. Link to comment
susie91 Posted February 22, 2012 Author Share Posted February 22, 2012 i think the things that are scaring me the most are hurting him, i know it will break his heart. and if i decide on this different path then it will be 6 or more months until my visa is approved... i will have to move back to my dads (whom im not close with) and just wait wait wait and probably be miserable wondering if i made the right decision. Its so hard as i really saw myself marrying this guy and you know having a future with him blah blah blah. i know hes a good guy but i guess we are both not ready for this. I know he doesnt mean alot of what he says but i dont know how much longer i can deal with it all. Its not going to be an easy break either i know that for sure. He will make it very hard for me, i think it will get pretty messy. I do understand that anger will be his best way of dealing with it. Link to comment
susie91 Posted February 22, 2012 Author Share Posted February 22, 2012 im afraid that we love eachother but our relationship is toxic and destructive Link to comment
MikNomis Posted February 22, 2012 Share Posted February 22, 2012 Well I'm just glad that unlike many others, you can see the reality of the situation with a pretty rational mind. Link to comment
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