shamone Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 Hey everyone, i need some advice here. me and my girlfriend have been going out 6 months now. we met through friends becuase i use to see her every weekend for a while when i was about 6 years old, we actuallt ended up being eachothers first kiss back at the time!! anyway 20 years later we met and started dating. we fell in love with eachother quickly, we would always say it to eachother. i learned mistakes from my last relationship before this one, so iv been extra good to her and i supported her when she was out of a job. she often says to me how good i am to her and that she is lucky to have me... we argue sometimes, but i always own up to it afterwards to make her happy and just forget about it. anyway, over the past 2 weeks she seemed kind of distant, forgetting to text me back and rescheduling dates, but at the same time still says she loves me and misses me. out of the blue, after a party we went to at the weekend she said she wants a break and there is too much stuff going through her head, said she doesnt know what she wants and mite consider breaking up because she is stressed. i got upset by it and wanted her to explain more. she wouldnt communicate with me about it at the time. we aranged to meet up for a chat the next day but she cancelled and said she is too tired so arranged to meet the following day (today). then she cancels again and said she needs a few days to get into her new job and doesnt want stress while she is learning it. at this point i figured to myself, she wants to break up but she is leaving me in limbo until she is happy enough with her job. selfish if thats the case? i asked her if i could just call her for a chat instead so i did, and she said to me its not working out and its best we dont see eachother anymore. i understand she is in alot of stress but she has torn my heart out. i didnt get angry with her, i wished her all the best and told her i respected her decision and told her to look after herself. i took it as well as i could even tho i was really torn inside. straight away i deleted everything to do with her off facebook (pics, relationship status etc..) and told her she needs somebody to come collect her clothes from the house as soon as possible. i am now starting to move on, do you think this is the right thing to do? i just dont understand how someone can be so in love with you suddenly have a change of heart in the space. a part of me think somebody is involved but i did not want to accuse her of that. hopefully in time she will realise just what she has lost... i believe she will if i take the right steps. any advice?? Link to comment
pl3asehelp Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 Highly doubtful she'll 'realize what she has lost' and it would be a really bad idea to wait around for that to happen. Link to comment
Fantanos Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 I think if you really loved her you are moving on too quickly. What she is doing to you is not good but at least she was honest. I know it hurts... I would just back away for a little bit, give it a few days and I am sure she will contact you. If you keep contacting her she will feel overwhelmed and it will push her away more. I would let the FB pictures alone, status is no big deal and leave her clothes alone for now unless you truly just want to end it and have her out of your life. I am not sure her reasons, maybe she felt it was going to quick or maybe she met someone else? Link to comment
shamone Posted February 21, 2012 Author Share Posted February 21, 2012 i love this forum! thanks maybe i am moving on too fast but i cant hold onto false hope and i certainly wont pl3asehelp i wont be contacting her after tonite. i do still love her and miss her but the damage is done and she's made it clear she does not want to be in a relationship with anyone. if she ever does try to reach out or come back, i just dont know if i could trust her. i have alot of healing to do, and it starts now! Link to comment
Cowboy1015 Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 I've been there. I lost her. My advise. Accept it. Don't fight it. Don't push it. There's nothing you can do to change her heart. Give her space... lots of space. Say 2 months minimum. If you prefer, just move on completely and forget her. Link to comment
shamone Posted February 21, 2012 Author Share Posted February 21, 2012 Cowboy1015 did you make the mistake of pushing her/begging her? i also did that with my previous breakup, lost her and i learned from it. i really dont want to be hurt again so im going to move on and try forget her. i dont think i could ever accept someone back if alot of time passes. it was only 6 months so i truly dont believe she'l be back anyway Link to comment
Kaytie Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 I don't think you are moving on too quickly. I deleted and changed everything right away after my ex (of 12 years) left rather suddenly. I knew her mind was made up and I didn't want to be with someone who didn't want to be with me. It had nothing to do with my love for her - moving on had to do with the love for myself. Link to comment
Cowboy1015 Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 Cowboy1015 did you make the mistake of pushing her/begging her? i also did that with my previous breakup, lost her and i learned from it. i really dont want to be hurt again so im going to move on and try forget her. i dont think i could ever accept someone back if alot of time passes. it was only 6 months so i truly dont believe she'l be back anyway Well, I made a mistake of panicking, constantly calling her, pushing her to talk to me. And it made it worse. So just let her be for now. If she talks to you, then you guys talk. For you, give her a lot of space. Or just move on completely. Link to comment
Vince99 Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 I think Cowboy is right on with his advice. I'd probably go with that and learn from what he did... One thing I will say about your original post...she probably did not go from "so in love with you" to "suddenly a change of heart". What most girls do is slowly break up with you in their mind for a couple of weeks or months without you knowing it. Then they break the news to you after they're basically over it. You're blindsided and freak out, and they move on seemingly unfazed. Link to comment
Cowboy1015 Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 I think Cowboy is right on with his advice. I'd probably go with that and learn from what he did... One thing I will say about your original post...she probably did not go from "so in love with you" to "suddenly a change of heart". What most girls do is slowly break up with you in their mind for a couple of weeks or months without you knowing it. Then they break the news to you after they're basically over it. You're blindsided and freak out, and they move on seemingly unfazed. Exactly. I felt my ex changed weeks before she actually broke up with me. So I knew it was coming. I just thought I could prevent it. Link to comment
Vince99 Posted February 22, 2012 Share Posted February 22, 2012 Sometimes you can see it coming. A good rule is to always watch the woman's actions and not her words. (This is why women complain that men do not listen to them. A woman that says this is a woman who is with a man who has learned that most (not all, but most) of what a woman says is meaningless. That man has simply learned to tune out the crap. It isn't that he is not listening...it's that he is paying attention to what matters: the actions.) But some of the smarter women have learned to fake the actions AND the words, so it's difficult to tell when she's about to leave you. What you have to do is constantly be of the mindset that she could decide at any moment that it's over for no reason. Even if she has said she loves you, even if she has said she is committed to you. Link to comment
lauz1403 Posted February 22, 2012 Share Posted February 22, 2012 very similar to what i'm going through now, I'm trying my best to get on with things and move on but it's a struggle Link to comment
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