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HELP PLEASE, she just contacted me.....

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She wrote me this: "Hey, how are you


Not knowing how it ended, did you dumped her? she dumped you? Was it amicable?


Cool down and relax. You don't have to respond ASAP.


Think about where you are in your recovery. Would replying be for her or for you?


Are you on Facebook a lot? Does she know you are on Facebook a lot?


I do not use Facebook unless contacted or there's some contest going on. It just fell out of my habit once my social life no longer included any one of my Facebook friends (I moved away).


If she caused you pain by cheating, lying, or anything that broke your trust in her then don't respond.


Anything else and I would have to know more details.


Good luck

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Well done on 50 days, I'm sure the contact was a shock. I'm just under 1 month in to mine, I sent my ex something similar and got "I'm good thanks and u?" as a reply. I would ignore it personally, just answer the question being asked politely, without saying much else. Don't expect much back from them in reply, but ignoring it would be rude. Just my thoughts though. Good luck

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Hey Leon, I will answer you with your own words (you wrote it at 1.29.2012)


"So I decided to get away from her, she was hurting me too much. I told her that I love her but that I need to move on and find someone alse who wants me as her boyfriend, someone who will love me and someone who won't be so cold and indifferent to me. I told her that I need to go to NC. She started to cry and told me to leave."


Those are your own words man. She hurts you. She broke up with you. She left you. She throw your love to trash bin. What else can I say? And after that, you struggled for a lot of time.


Now she comes with a simple "how are you?". You will be fine man if you stay away from her.


I know what you feel: I experienced the same feeling. It's shattering, schock and emptiness at first and after that comes withdrawal from love. It's quite similar with the withdrawal from an addiction. When you try to quit, they come to offer you one cigar.


Remember that you're a man who can stand up for himself. Remember that you're better without her.


I will tell you this: It's your choice to go for it or ignore it. But, in my humble opinion, she should come with better than "how are you?"...


I hope you will get better.

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She broke up with me 3,5 months ago after 3 years we have been together, the reasons were: my sort-of depression; her new best girlfriend from college who hates men and like to drink, party and play games with them; she wanted to be single until she is 26 (she is 20 now, and I'm 24); my tantrums. After the break up I begged, cried in front of her. We remained in contact (she was initializing it most of the time).


2 weeks later she told me that she loves me and that she can't live without me, we got together again, everything was great for a week and than she became cold and indifferent to me, drinking, partying, etc. I decided to let her go, tryed to go NC, but broke it on Xmas. After the NYE (4.1.2011.) I stupidly asked her on coffee, friendly coffee (but not so much friendly for me). After that coffee I went NC, almost 50 days, and today she contacted me.


The break up was the most painful and the most horrific thing that ever happened to me. We ran into eachother 2 times and I just said hello and moved on.

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Hm... a lot of questions to be answered. I am not so often online on Facebook and I'm not so active in posting on facebook. After the break up she became untruly active with posting on facebook (I am not stalking her, we have a lot of mutual friends so I can see her likes and comments).


I don't know if I want her back, my heart is still saying yes (or maybe yes) but my logic tells me no way. She hurt me so much, of course I respect her decision, but still she played with my emotions and looked at me like I'm a piece of garbage. If it ever comes for us two to meet up on coffee or something, I will not show her the smallest emotion, I will not show her how much she hurt me because I have learned my lesson. I will never again loose my dignity over someone.

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While I hate to say this, the age difference probably is a factor. She is young and wants to "live life". I HIGHLY doubt she has matured during this time period. So stand by the ignore option. Maintaining NC right not is the best option.


She came back with the "she loves you", yet started partying again. She's in no way, the person you want.


I was single all my life until mid-Jan. My girlfriend and I started dating late 2011 (very late) and became exclusive in January 2012.


I was also around the social groups that liked to party and were looking for something that wasn't me. I kept trying to fit into their world, then look for other people that already fit into mine.


I knew who I was and what i wanted for a long time, I just didn't know where to look. All I can say now is, I'm so much happier having waited for my GF, than any girl I hanged out with before.


Once you know what you are looking for, stand by it. Because that will be the only way you will find that person who meets your standards.


Great job on remaining NC

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The break up was the most painful and the most horrific thing that ever happened to me. We ran into eachother 2 times and I just said hello and moved on.


Typical breadcrumbs. Unless you want to go right back to that pain I highly suggest you continue NC. You're doing great to get to 50 days. Don't let such an obvious ploy for ego validation derail you.

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If yiou decide you want her back then reply "I'm fine thanks." Don't get your hopes up.


I agree with this. It's answering, without showing emotion. Which is what you want to convey. An air of indifference. Plus you are not asking her how she is, which means she will have to decide to pursue the conversation further....But unless she has anything worthy to reply to, I would then ignore.

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She also asked me to get a cup of coffee with her next week, if I would be available for that. I haven't aswered anything for now, and I'm almost sure that I'm not going to reply. I don't know if this is normal, but after she just contacted me, now I care less for her than before, it gave me such a confident boost or something like that, or maybe it's just seems like it??? I still want to be careful, I am not healed yet, I'm maybe halfway there.


I totaly agree with CatchersRye, it is an age issue, she is 4 years younger than me, she suddenly changed, started to party a lot, drink a lot, she change her life views and goals, and her relationship status on facebook ;-). I don't drink so much, I don't go out so much, I have a wonderful part time job and I am trying to finally finish my college. So we are at the moment sooo different, maybe if we met later we would be perfect together. But is just an IF.

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She also asked me to get a cup of coffee with her next week, if I would be available for that.
Well, it would have helped if you had said that first off - that is a lot more putting herself out there than 'how are you'.


If this is an overture to wanting to get back with you then, and if you want that too, you have to be receptive. Of course there's a risk of being hurt some more but relationships always involve risk. Meet her for coffee and see what it is she wants.

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This contact is entirely on your shoulders.



Because you should have already blocked her/deleted her from all social media.


Because you didn't do that, you are now faced with contact that's got you all spun around and freaked.


Do nothing.


BUT, please consider doing this:





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That's a proof you were doing NC to have an impact on her. You got the message & now feel better. The thing is she might be writing because of guilt, curiosity or whatever. Let her go. You have the power now, your last communication is she trying to reach you. Keep it like it is. You've vanished from earth to her.


If you meet later ... that's the key ... don't be afraid to let her go.

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