sio Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 I'm at the moment in a happyish place alot happier than i was a month or so ago, i'm currently dating a guy who is a great guy at the moment he treats me really well. He is average looking but all in all a great person (Well i suppose they all are early on). I'm still not completely over my x though i love him to bits even now but i know in my heart we wouldn't work right now as we have both hurt each other, I sufferd a set back a today because i seen my x, he didn't see me. He is looking really well and i was only talking to my friend about him recently i don't think i will never not fancy him is that a bad thing? Or will i get to a stage where i don't fancy him? We had our problems and i was the dumper but even now i think he is a lovely person and i think the world of him. My friend asked me the other day "If you knew he was messaging somebody else would it bother you" I said "No" So my friend told me he has been speaking to someone she works with (He doesnt know they work together) and i burst into tears i almost txt'd him, but i'm also seeing someone so am just confused. I don't want to hurt this new guy and am not planning too i know if i met him before i met my x that i would really like him so thats why we are taking things slowly at the moment see where that leads us. Link to comment
pl3asehelp Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 What does the title have to do with the post? Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 Her ex is apparently better looking than the current guy who is only average. Link to comment
pl3asehelp Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 OP you don't sound ready to be dating. Thinking WAY too much about your ex who you shouldn't be thinking about AT ALL. And looks are not very important. I think all you need is to be physically attracted and that's where the consideration of looks should end. After that, it's all about other things. Link to comment
thejigsup Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 Explain how you are feeling to the new guy. Tell him he is not in the same league as your ex and you don't have the same sort of feeling for him. You won't have to break up with him, he will run from you. I'm not judging you, I've just been where you are and hurt someone nice because of it. Not good and I am not proud of it. Don't mourn a dead relationship and hang on to it. It only causes you and others unnecessary pain. Link to comment
rainbows1 Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 I think if someone wins you over with a great personality and you really click with them 100%, they seem attractive to you physically anyway. I do think physical appearance is important in the early stages of attraction because you probably wouldn't acknowledge someone whom you hadn't met before on their personality but if they were all looks and no personality or no click it wouldn't be worth it. If you click with this guy, and you like him for who he is and for everything, then to you he will be attractive, sometimes I guess liking someone enough to look past their appearance takes time but they can be just as fulfilling as dating someone attractive. Maybe you just aren't ready to date or over your ex enough to be with this new guy and appreciate him or maybe you guys just don't click. Link to comment
guynextdoor Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 If you are not over your ex why are you on the dating scene? Thats just toying with the new guy.. Link to comment
sio Posted February 21, 2012 Author Share Posted February 21, 2012 The new guy i have known fo almost 6 months we have also spoke an awful lot we are taking things slow, i know its over with my X but it doesn't mean my feelings will be gone over night. I'm enjoying getting to know the new guy, my x was my first true love. Myself and the new guy are taking things slow. Do people think i should not be dating until my x is 100% out of my head? i'm not sure he ever will be completely out of my head. Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 When you can post "we couldn't work RIGHT NOW" --- you are hanging on to the possibility of some day, some how, getting back w/ your ex. And that is unfair to the average looking guy you are dating. To even comment on his looks vs. your ex on a forum, is somewhat unnecessary. Link to comment
midnightdeirdre Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 And looks are not very important. I think all you need is to be physically attracted and that's where the consideration of looks should end. After that, it's all about other things. I somewhat disagree. Looks are important, but they're not the only thing you should rely on in a relationship. I once kinda-dated this guy named Sean who had a huge crush on me; thing is, he no looks whatsoever. Even when I brought him home to meet my parents, my dad nudged my sister and asked, "Does she like him??" (My sister later told me this.) A guy friend I had at the time summed it up perfectly: "There's a certain image that's acceptable in society, and Sean just doesn't have it." Sad & mean to say that, I suppose, but the fact is, that was the truth. (In case you're wondering, Sean was heavyset, wore Hawiian shirts, had a thick beard and glasses. Suffice to say, not the kind of guy anyone pictured me dating.) Not to mention when Sean came to my house for my sister's college graduation party, pretty much everyone picked up on the vibe that Sean liked me more than I liked him. I tried to look past his looks, because he really was a good guy (and not to brag, but it was evident to me that Sean was willing to wipe my a** for me had I merely asked) but it just didn't work at all. In the end, I'm not even sure it was worth it to give him a chance, considering there just wasn't any physical attraction. Link to comment
rainbows1 Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 A lot of the people on this website tell you not to date until your feelings have gone. I think it depends on you as a person and your age. I don't see the problem is dating people as long as you're upfront with your feelings from the start and you feel comfortable. Sometimes it can help you realise if your ex was what you truly wanted (after a significant amount of time after the break up and dating others). I also think if you are young, you should be dating anyway without looking for a long term relationship (unless it just happens that way), life's too short to not experience wonderful things and create memories with new people if you get the opportunity to. Link to comment
thejigsup Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 As long as you are being honest about your feelings with the new guy, there is nothing wrong with dating him. BUT, I get the feeling he is clueless as to the hold your ex has on you. Tell him about that and let the chips fall where they may. Link to comment
sio Posted February 21, 2012 Author Share Posted February 21, 2012 Hi i say "We wouldn't work right now" because if someone asked me could you see yourself with my x in the future i wouldn't say 100% no. I'm thinking like this now only because i seen my x today and when am with the new guy i dont think about my x. I'm a good person and i really dont want to hurt anyone. Link to comment
sio Posted February 21, 2012 Author Share Posted February 21, 2012 Thank you thejigsup he knows about my x and when i was with my x i thought about the new guy alot and also kissed him thats why we and my x finished. I dont know if i just need to step away from both of them. I'm not sure if i kissed the new guy (i met him when me and my x had split up for a couple of months, we have never slept together) because of how much my x hurt me. Do people think i should just be on my own for a while to work out 100% what i want?? Link to comment
pl3asehelp Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 The new guy i have known fo almost 6 months we have also spoke an awful lot we are taking things slow, i know its over with my X but it doesn't mean my feelings will be gone over night. I'm enjoying getting to know the new guy, my x was my first true love. Myself and the new guy are taking things slow. Do people think i should not be dating until my x is 100% out of my head? i'm not sure he ever will be completely out of my head. Yeah, I don't think you should date until you're not thinking about your ex anymore. He'll be out of your head, despite how you feel now. Link to comment
sio Posted February 21, 2012 Author Share Posted February 21, 2012 Ok thank you. I dont want to be selfish, people have told me to date because you never really get over your x i'm a little confused. Link to comment
pl3asehelp Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 Ok thank you. I dont want to be selfish, people have told me to date because you never really get over your x i'm a little confused. Everyone is different. I'm over all of my ex's, never think about them. Link to comment
daniel001 Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 beauty is in the eye of the beholder. cliche. but true. this new bloke you're seeing...end it. he doesn't deserve to be your fallback or rebound or whatever. if you still miss your ex enough to burst into tears at the thought of him talking to someone else aren't over him and shouldn't be toying with other people's emotions. revers positions and see how you'd feel if you were your current bloke? give yourself time. You will get there. good luck and all the best. Link to comment
LDRohnos Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 Everything below this line; I'm still not completely over my x though i love him to bits even now Is irrelevant. Let this guy go before you hurt both him and yourself. Start dating and looking for a relationship when you're over your ex. Link to comment
JonasWaingaro Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 Everything below this line; Is irrelevant. Let this guy go before you hurt both him and yourself. Start dating and looking for a relationship when you're over your ex. This is exactly right. Don't use someone else to feel better. It's not fair and it's hurtful. You will use him up and he'll come out damaged for no good reason. Link to comment
Zero71 Posted February 22, 2012 Share Posted February 22, 2012 I can safely say your r/s isn't going to work out. You are going to be constantly comparing this dude with the ex. Sure you probably like him, but I get the feeling you don't like him as much as he likes you. If you still have the hots for your ex bf then end this r/s now before the new guy gets too invested. Link to comment
FreeFallFeelin Posted February 22, 2012 Share Posted February 22, 2012 What does the title have to do with the post? I thought the same thing! Link to comment
FreeFallFeelin Posted February 22, 2012 Share Posted February 22, 2012 Sio, you keep saying "...I'm confused" in several of your posts. This should tell you a lot. If you don't know whether you should be dating the new guy, or if your over the old guy, and what you need, then it's probably best to do nothing. It's actually healthy to take some time to center your self and "disconnect" in between relationships. Sooner is better than later... Link to comment
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