time outs

[Mopeydic]

When is a time out a good thing and when is it a bad thing? I realise it's too general a question, but we had a fight a few weeks back, and things have not been the same since. I gave her space for a few days, and even on valentine's day i didn't push her to meet up, but sent flowers/candy which she appreciated, and then we were supposed to meet last thurs, but she got tied up at work. So basically we're on the perpetual time out which feels like crap. Am trying to avoid re-initiated the meetup because i always do it and don't think it helps the dynamic of the relationship. Really want her to reach out this time. She said she's give me a shout next week when she said she was stuck at work, and now 4 days later there is not a peep. it borderline feels like the thing is over. Obviously no one is a mindreader and i can't tell if this has more to do with the very difficult and strenous work schedule she has for this month or just a growing divide between us. Thought we could see eachother this weekend but she had made plans ages ago to go away with friends so i ended up going somewhere else also. What is clear from the last conversation is that the ball is in her court to reach out and so far, not even a little how was your weekend kinda message. i am gonna wait out this week but i don't think there is anything i can do on my side that will rectify this situation beyond accepting it's dead if i don't hear from her by the end of this week or so. I assume some of the women on this forum will agree that once she stops trying to even re-initiate contact it's pretty much a sign that things are done in her mind. Correct me if i am wrong.

[DN]

I think you should assume the relationship is over by now and move on.

[Mopeydic]

is that because it's better to assume that to protect oneself or based on the fact that you don't see a recovery here? I had a chat with her on thurs night, and the conversation went towards if we were both really interested in continuing, and she said of course she is, but emphasized how i don't realize how much stress she is in with her work situation.

[DN]

People who want to be in a relationship make time. If they don't then either they are not interested or should not be in a relationship.

[Betteroffalone]

A lot depends on what type of person she is and what she is going through at the moment. From your post you know she is stressed from work. So maybe all she needs is some alone time. If she feels like being with you is adding to her stress due to your "growing divide" then she may need a little break away from you until things organize in her life. I don't know your past history in the relationship but it does sound like the relationship has been having problems. Can this last fight and her silence conclude that the relationship is over? maybe but maybe not also. Stress tends to bring out the worse in some people and they say and do things they may not mean.

Now since you really don't know whats going on in her head, my opinion would be to give her space like you are. Don't contact her for at least the full week don't even send her flowers, and see if she contacts you. If she is still interested in the relationship then she will definitely begin to miss you and will contact you. But if she doesn't then contact her after the week and confirm where the relationship stands so you can either continue the relationship or begin the healing process.

[Mopeydic]

Well, she reached out today and seems to be quite chipper and wants to meet up tomrw. I said tomrw doesn't work but didn't suggest a day yet. My problem has been that I always accommodate and that screws up the dynamic of the relationship. No doubt that giving her space works but I still have concerns about how significant I am to her. Would rather not bring that up when I meet her, but just feels like baggage is being accumulated and until it's clear to me that we both feel a desire to really make this work, this seesaw relationship won't get better for either of us.