Sex and religion and waiting (religous or not) and why I cant get it right

[bekah]

Im going to throw this out there because I think it probably does affect my dating history. 28 yrs old never married no kids university graduate lost virginity at age 20 or 21 to someone I dated like a rollercoaster for 3+ years we did love each other. Slept with 5 people so far. Have hooked up w people while drunk. Do consider myself religious/spiritual have a relationship with God. Was sexually abused as a kid, do find I have an abnormal sexual desire compared to other females, yet I am much less sexually active than my peers if not in a relationship or monogomous setting. I recently went over year with no sex or anything not even a kiss. I then met a guy I really fell for (he had fallen for me first but I fell soon after) we waited a while but did have sex at some point he went into a depression and our sex life was the main thing we had and it was a great one. Well he basically lived with me due to the economy and our mutal connections so it was hard to end it when I wasnt getting the relationship I also wanted with the great sex. At some point he moved out and started seeing a 19 year old who from what I heard pops pills and has had a lot of sex but could be rumors either way I guess they are waiting to have sex ad he had done with the girlfriend before me for several months longer than he and I waited. It gives him satisfaction I guess. Meanwhile he has hooked up with other people before me and after me so isnt all that innocent. Hes 25 btw. He also stated that I was the most sexually compatible person hes ever been with including the girl he had waited for so long (this was said before we split up of course)> Future forward a mutual friend of ours really likes me and I had offered to pick him up some sermons from church since he couldnt attend. He posted something about a virtous woman being hard to find and a scripture. My ex posted back hard but not impossible. I feel really offended by his comment because its implying that I wasn't virtous just because he and I had sex (yet hes had sex, his gf has had sex and shes younger than I was before I lost my virginity so I don't see how he can pretend all the other girls hes met werent virtuous but now he found one who is!) Im so confused I dont think the fact that we had sex makes me the only non-virtous person in fact I had stopped sleeping with him because he said he felt guilty about it and I did too but I also knew hed end up sleeping with someone if it wasn't me and I was right- and I didn't sleep with anyone else. I was also the one willing to make things work at all times because God had placed him in my life only when he chose to leave did I stop trying becuase I know God will only put people there while he wants them there if he wanted us together we could have found a way or would bring him back more mature in the future. SO back to me...I get the idea that guys find it more attactive when a girl waits longer, yet they encourage the other behavior. I find myself to usually wait a proper amount of time but I still feel my exes usually end up dating younger girls after me and ones that are waiting to have sex with them...Part of me thinks maybe I should be waiting longer and the other part says its not working even when I wait I have friends who hook up immediately and end up married...any thoughts...I am considering going to visit a friend of mine out of town (we will probably end up sleeping together if I go) I went to jr high with him but have only been on one date since. I like him but am just thinking I really am wanting a hook up situation. I try to to the right things and they backfire (I'm not trying to do the opposite I just simply want to have some fun as I've been celibate now for a while again) I know religously its a step backward but I feel I want some fun...

[duke nukem]

Personally, I'm not terribly religious. Believe in God or some form of higher power, but mostly just to lead a good life and help others like Jesus or Buddha would do. I personally feel like waiting for someone special (was with someone, broke up, we'll see where that goes... anywho), but I don't judge. There's nothing wrong with what you want to do as long as you're responsible in my opinion. If you think God would hate you or something for having sex, well, I personally don't see an all loving creator disowning you for doing something natural, especially if you're a good person.

 

 

No idea if I answered your question

[abitbroken]

Well...maybe after he had his experiences in life he had a new view. I wouldn't take it personally. I would just concentrate on what respecting your own body means to you, or what keeping sex sacred means to you. Does that mean that you don't do drunk hook ups anymore and wait until you meet someone who you are in a mutual relationship at the very least?

You say you want to "have some fun-" well then how can you point a finger at exes having sex with younger girls waiting to have sex with them if you are sort of doing the same?

 

he wants them there if he wanted us together we could have found a way or would bring him back more mature in the future

 

People make their OWN choices. I do believe sometimes we meet people for a reason, but I do not believe in fate. We are always writing our future. I had an ex who not only believe people were put in lives for a reason but it was predetermined what role they should play and exactly what should happen, so therefore he wasn't supposed to be with me, but this other woman who didn't even want anything to do with him because he just "felt" that he "knew" that is what it was supposed to be. Also, instead of worrying about him, why not work on making yourself whole yourself? Don't worry about what he does or what anyone else does.

 

.I get the idea that guys find it more attactive when a girl waits longer, yet they encourage the other behavior.

 

Who cares if a guy encourages or not, you make your own choice about what you do whether you sleep with 100 guys or you wait for a committed relationship. And as far as people hooking up and marrying - you will never immediately hook up and marry someone so wrong for you, and if someone is wrong for you, no matter if you wait 10 years to have sex, it won't make it happen either. There is no magic formula to the amount of time waiting equaling to a marriage. When you DO wait however, I will say that you are more likely to reject guys who are a bad influence, incompatible or unhealthy for you because you won't have the attachment feelings of a sexual relationship clouding things.