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My Ex just sent me an email, a long one...I can't stop crying...

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read my last post and by you'll get the jist of my situation with the break up. Anyway I had sent him a last email today about my stuff being left at my sisters and thanking him for sending my phone charger wire and so on. He said he wasn't great in the letter he sent along with the wire. in my email I told him that we all have greatness in us and that all i need is time to move on and maybe possibly we can start talking again. i stressed "maybe"..


Here is his response...




Thank you for the email.

Your words are kind.

I dropped your stuff of at your sisters, there were Sex in the City DVD's in both the DVD players. I put them in the bag along with a plectrum of yours. If I find anything else, I will keep it safe for you and get them to you at some point. Please don't post the keys to my home address, its not safe as obviously the keys are for my address, I will think of a friend, and give you their address when I get it off them in full. Keep the headphones!


Thank you for accepting my friendship, it means a lot to me, I think we both need time out, you are right. I feel the whole no contact thing is not healthy as it just makes the sadness all the more deeper for both of us. We are adults, and I really, really appreciate the interactions via email me. Thank you.

Great to hear you are moving out, well done. I want to move out too. When you get your place, I can get a friend to drop off the PC and keyboard. The PC is not being used at all, I will get it up and running, and my friend who has the keyboard is no where near as talented as you, it will help you on your journey to fulfill your dreams, even if you want it 6 months down the line, its yours, I understand you may not want it. It's up to you.

In the future I would like to talk, or write to you about why the relationship did not work, so we can learn from it. If no good comes from this pain, it is really sad. You deserve much much much happiness, you have every chance, but give yourself a chance. You can and will do it with time, discipline and work, it won't be easy, but it is vital for your happiness. I will put great thought into this and will be happy to share these thoughts with you, only if you are receptive. Also I will support you. I want good to come from this situation, for both of us. I really hope my words don't irritate or upset you, it's only because I do deeply care about you. I don't wish to sound preachy, or like your father, I just care.

I am happy you are talking positively. I know this is difficult, soo painful, but I know you have strength and wisdom to guide you. You have soo much greatness in you.


On an other note, I know 3 network has limitless broadband for £15 monthly PAYG. You can get your phone unlocked for about £25 in Dalston, this could be the cheaper option for you long term as I know you love to stream. If you have not already got an Orange sim, maybe this could be good for you.

Also, I will not be going to see Thích Nhất Hạnh, so you may go and enjoy it worry free, I know how much his teachings mean to you.

I will email you tomorrow at some point the address to send the keys to, probably Jobeda's.

Other than that I will respect your wishes as I have the utmost respect for your good self and always will. I will give you peace to heal and reflect, and hope one day, not to far away, to hear from you again. My number never changes (and is at the bottom of every email).

Shine little star,




i still feel sad, a little relieved that he didn't blank my thank you email but in a twisted way I needed this email from him as it wants to make me move on more...weird isn't it.


Sad email nonetheless and I'm still hurt because the bottom line is, he isn't in love with me anymore and i am like a friend...

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i think he fails to realise that I know how to move from this pain even though i'm sad. If anything can he? all this talk of wanting to stay in touch , that no contact s bad and unhealthy. He clearly doesn't understand the importance of it....ahhh man, this letter is good and bad for so many reasons. On one hand it helps me to want to move on and on the other hand its like I feel convinced that if I stay in touch with him once in a while we may get back together.


question is do I want to really genuinely get back with him? I need time to think this through IF it came to that, BIG IF. He could find someone and I will be back at square one, sad.


This pc he talks of is his, he wanted to give it to me to create my music when we were together, including his keyboard. I can only maybe accept this when I've totally sorted myself out and moved on. but when one offers a kind gesture, i'm not great at turning it down.


I need strength and I know you will all say, don't respond to this email. Is this the kind of email you respond to??

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I hope some psychology heads can dissect this a bit. I am taking it for what it is but what really is this email? i know he isn't saying he loves me, but he still wants to be in my life. Am i a back up plan? Yes he said, he isn't interested in anyone he just needs to sort himself out. (He abstained from sex once for a whole year) he is a little spiritual and travelled Asia bla bla..so no I don't thiknk there is a woman in the picture.


All, everyone who knows him, knows he is trustworthy, brutally honest, and pretty positive , giving kind of guy most of the time so yea...don't know how to take this email really. Need help. Males perspectives (dumpers) opinions highly welcome.

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please elaborate..do you mean that he is acting a bit panicky because of the way I've made out, in my emails that I'm calm and moving on and have found a place?


I noticed he definitely has switched as soon as i told him that. i feel hurt because i feel like as soon as something positive happens people change their tune.

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do you think its a good thing that he wants to talk about the relationship, because we didn't really get a chance on the day he broke up with me. We did in parts but it wasn't thorough. it seems now he wants to really talk about the relationship. I don't know whether to stick to NC right now..


another thing, I am realising that I am sounding more like the dumper and he the dumpee...weird. He is now saying I respect your wishes for no contact and space but wants us to stay in contact somehow even if its through email.


do you see what i see?

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Just sounds a little dramatic to me.


Agree with pl3asehelp. This is what happens when people breakup and stay in contact...you end up over-analyzing every reaction or lack of. If I were you, I'd take the e-mail at face value, that he wants you in his life as a friend in the near future. Stop reading into it and just focus on yourself, or else you'll never move on.

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he seems sad also or am I being lousy...again. Do I need to let him know about the when I've sent the keys to his friend, at least acknowledge it.


I know everyone on here has experience of relationships but the individual, the dumper in MY particular case. I know him more than anyone on ENA and I know what he is saying in this email. I know he cares, he won't lie about that. Actually all of the email is honest, I know he will miss me if I cut him out.


That said, I will maintain NC to get better then consider talking to him in the future, however long that may be.

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Hey, first of all, I am terribly sorry for what you are going through right now. My ex left me 3 months ago, and I'm still a mess, but it is getting better, little, tiny, step by step. I would like to give you my short opinion on the e-mail your ex sent you. And I can give you an opinion because my ex sent me a similar e-mail after our break up. I cried my soul out because of that e-mail, same like you did.


Your ex's e-mail is really nice and emotional, but it is clearly visible that he doesn't love you anymore, he maybe think of you as a friend now, but just maybe. He feels sorry for you, like my ex felt sorry for me. He hasn't still completely deattached himself from you and he is feeling guilty. He knows he has done a good decision for himself, but he thinks he is a "bad guy" and that everybody will see him as a "bad guy" who hurt your feelings. He would like you to accept this break up like it never happened beacuse then he woudn't have to feel guilty. Now he is replying to you, but trust me, as time passes by, and if you stay in contact, the e-mails will only get shorter and colder from his side and you will get hurt more and more. You will hurt because you will still have a hope inside you that he will come back. This happened to me, I was in contact with my ex for a month after a break up, that hope was killing me. I thought that this wasn't real, that she will come back, but of course I was wrong. As soon as I went to NC, I was starting to feel better (little by little).


I am sorry if I was too honest, this is just my opinion, It doesn't meen I'm right. I can only give you an advice to go to NC, sooner the better. It is really hard in the begging, but after a week or two, you will start to feel better and you will get used to not contacting him.


One more thing, I was really unhappy with my life, I neglected myself in this broken relationship, I was so depressed and I lost almost all of my friends because that one person. I was suffocating my ex, she is a very happy person and she just couldn't take it anymore, she was tired. I am still depressed, sad, angry and very very lonely but this break up helped me to realise that I need to pay attention what is good for me, what are the things that make me happy, what do I really want of my life. I think that the world has gone mad, there is so little love in the world, but all of us on ENA are fully aware that there is love. You need to heal now, just let your emotions out, take your time. You will be such a stronger and happier person when you heal. Sorry if my english is not so good.


Good luck to you!!!

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To put it plainly, he's having some fun with your head. Not saying anything that will make you stop contact with him, but not saying anything that will make you think he wants back. That way you can't hold him to ANYTHING! He's having fun, you're crying, What's wrong with this picture?

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i don't think he is intentionally having fun. I think he is trying to keep me in the picture for whatever reason. My main goal is to move on and heal, thats my MAIN goal. Now if he wants to talk to me, that i will consider but only when i feel ready to and have healed. I beg to differ that he is having fun. I might be weak and emotional but I'm not stupid. He was very upset the day he broke up with me for whatever reason, call it guilt. Now the email I sent prior to this one, was short and consicsce saying how I need him to respect my wishes of wanting to heal before considering any sort of friendship, I said that I am moving and looking forward to life on my own. That was the gist of the email. I wished him well and said that he is great so he shouldnt' think otherwise.


So, I think he is a little taken a back by my calmness and my willingness to move on, SO SOON. I am still debating with myself whether or not to respond to that email. Emotions aside, even if it was a friend I would respond, anyone I would respond to a long thought out email...


I am sure 98% of ENA will disagree, but hey ho. I don't know, all I know is that he would be great friend material and what IF we do discuss the relatinoship and where it went wrong? I'd actually welcome that. This would be helpful even. Don't you think? what's the harm in discussing the relationship, isn't that what people promote here on ENA. That would be pretty therapeutic if you ask me but maybe I am blind...I don't know..

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God this is useful and helpful. Thank you for this!! It's amazing though how we sort of know or even preempt what exs are going to do or are doing...but do we really know what's in their heads? right now I might sound to most like I am making excuses to email back and continue some sort of contact but my case is that what if he is genuine?


or is it just because one person had that treatment so everyone who has been dumped will have the same treatment? are everybodys experiences the same, exactly the same?


I will take your advice after I send a response about the key situation, then totally stop contacting him until I've moved on.

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I don't think his intentions are bad at all. Remember that this was in response to an e-mail that you sent to him. He is trying to be as thoughtful and gentle as he can and he shouldn't be blamed for that.


The sad truth is that no message from an ex that doesn't say "I want you back" is going to make you feel good but you don't have to look for bad intentions behind anything he sends.

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I don't think his intentions are bad at all. Remember that this was in response to an e-mail that you sent to him. He is trying to be as thoughtful and gentle as he can and he shouldn't be blamed for that.


The sad truth is that no message from an ex that doesn't say "I want you back" is going to make you feel good but you don't have to look for bad intentions behind anything he sends.


Thanks for your input DN.


Seriously though, does this email deserve or need a reply?? I feel a little bad if I don't respond. He has done upteen amounts of things for me, its ridiculous. A response do you think he would be bothered either way?


He has spoken to me about giving me this keyboard and pc when i found my own place for while now. Now i have found my own place and moving out soon, should I respond and take him up on the offer, but suggesting it be done when I've healed??


Another thing DN, he is being very very 'thoughtful and gentle' to write an essay. My email was literally 3 short abrupt sentences..I get an essay type response....I know I know I am looking too into it but worth a look.

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I must say I am little annoyed that he is suggesting mobile tarrifs to me when I told him in one of my emails that I have now already changed my number to Orange network, i.e he can't get in contact with me...so why is he offering me alternate tariffs. why does he care? I didn't ask for his help..but hey this guy likes to help people, its in him so...I guess thats what 'friends' are for..


DN I'd be interested to know what you think in regards to his suggestion of relationship talk?

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No contact doesn't have to be forever. And it's for you, not him.



Also, off topic but if your avatar is you then you have a very pretty side view. Ha ha odd I know, but thought you should know. And do you have short hair?



I love when girls have short hair


I've had short hair for as long as I remember...thanks for the comp though, appreciate it. A nice pick me up after being dumped I guess..

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