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1 year anniversary...


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Today would have been the one year anniversary me and my ex became a couple... naturally I'm thinking about her a lot these days (that is to say, much more than usual).... We will be meeting up as per her suggestion when I get back from europe next month. She said she missed me... she used the nickname for me several times in her last email... it seems so promising and warm, that I'm really thinking that when we see each other again, things might turn out good...


But today, on our anniversary, I want her here. I'm waiting for my train, and will be in Paris tonight, and will stay for a few days. I am so tempted to call her from paris, maybe "casually" call her when I'm looking at the eiffel tower or something (yes... i'm a walking cliche)...

"hey babe, guess where I am" and maybe end off with a "wish you were here...".... yes terrible idea, I know...


Even though I'll be thinking about her non-stop, gonna make it my goal to meet a few cute girls in paris.... siiiigh...


(btw - any ENA people live in or visiting paris for the next few days? PM me if you wanna meet up for coffee - guys or girls, it's just coffee)

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I really hope it all works out for you! I've read your story and you've been through a lot over the last 12 months.


I guess you could say i'm taking a similar strategy with my ex.


I was her first love/boyfriend and I think a lot of the reason for our breakup is her curiosity & wanting to see what's out there.


We were together for 3.5 years, for a first relationship I think that's a long time and she was probably getting bored of the routine we had fallen into despite me bringing her to my country.


I guess as she developed a growing social circle here with people that wanted to drag her out partying all the time... in the end it just became too much.


I am about 2.5 months since breakup and 1 month of NC.


Good luck to you!!

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@buddha55..... Hmmm.. not sure exactly why we broke up.. she said it was my parents (they don't approve... to be fair, they have some good points... but I still love her)... I think also maybe I was becoming a bit needy/clingy... On that I am definitely working on and trying to fix.... I think also me being a bit overweight had something to do with it. But there are a lot of things about me she loved and admired...


Maybe it might have been something going on with her - maybe there was someone else (she denied it), or for whatever reason she lost attraction/interest... I don't know...



@emergenC, good luck to you brother... when you really love someone, a situation like this is so painful. my ex also likes to party a lot, which never bothered me. I'm not much of a party guy, but I do go out from time to time. in any case, I think she is slowing down on the party scene - she'll be 30 this year, (for reference, I am 28... i think our age diff, although minor, caused some insecurity... it's the first thing she asked me when I told her how I felt, whether her being older bothered me. I laughed it off and kissed her, but I can't help think that maybe subconsciously it was an issue...we come from a conservative culture where the guy is always always older.... maybe she wants an older man.... oh god.... that thought makes me scared...)



OKAY, I am going to go walk around paris and come back, and with the time diff on the east coast, it will be evening when it's midnight here... I am seriously seriously thinking of calling her up casually around that time. I want to hear her voice today.... what does ENA think!?!?!?

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Okay, so I'm back in the hostel now - and I need to recap the night...


I left in the evening, caught a subway (le "metro") going to eiffel tower... spent the whole ride thinking of my ex and that today is (i mean, would have been) our "anniversary".

I reached eiffel tower by nighttime, it was lit golden yellow, looked really nice. I went walking around it and under it. Hundred of amorous couples were kissing/making out/cuddling/holding hands. A number of people held out their cameras for me - universal sign for "please take my picture". I must have taken close pictures of close to a dozen happy couples... It was infuriating - seemed like everyone in the WORLD had someone except for me.


So I went and bought a phone card then went to a bistro had a long cup of tea and considered my options while looking at the eiffel tower out the window. Tea was 8 euros (ouch), but in the end, I worked up the courage.... marched back to the tower, found the closest telephone booth, and using the card called my ex back home. I needed to hear her voice tonight... it's been so long, and it's the day we came together - a special day for me anyway.


I was SO NERVOUS dialing.... so much doubt and hesitation in it... but the phone rang and she picked up - said hello. Too late to back out now - I said hi back, she recognized my voice, and I could hear how happy and excited she was to hear from me. She was so into the conversation - it's like no time had passed at all, we fell right back in our old manner of talking, and it was great. We were laughing so much, making stupid comments, sharing some news, etc etc. It was such a great conversation and lasted only about 40 minutes because the stupid calling card ran out of money. About a minute before I got a warning beep letting me know money was running out - so I told her and she was like "nooooo!!!" the conversation was flowing so well that the phone disconnected midsentence... I am sure this conversation would have easily turned into one of the 2-3 hour marathon phone sessions we had while getting together.


I don't know if I'll end up with her again, but this seems as great a start as any I could hope for. It was just... perfect. I won't call her until I come home from vacation, and when we meet up, who knows?... But things are certainly looking better...


I couldn't stop smiling during the conversation - we were both laughing so much... and I couldn't stop smiling on the subway ride home.... and I can't stop smiling now while I'm typing out this post...


So that's the story of how, on the anniversary of me and my ex coming together for the first time, I called her, and had a great talk for 40 minutes while I was standing next to and looking at the eiffel tower...

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So my ex sent me a very sweet and long email, with her suggestions of things for me to do abroad in europe, quotes about traveling, and some good-natured teasing, (which is so reminiscent of our relationship days). I am feeling hopeful about this - hopefully we will see where this goes.


As an aside, there are several girls here in paris who I met today at breakfast who ended up spending the day with me and we explored paris together. At least 2 of them have been giving me very open signals... It is somewhat frustrating actually... I want to be with my ex, I don't want to have temporary things with practical strangers, and yet, I have needs that clearly aren't being met since the BU. MAYBE i'll end up with my ex again, in which case I shouldn't even consider doing anything with these girls... then again, maybe I will never end up with her again, and if I don't avail myself of the opportunity, it will be a wasted chance... and yet, even if something happens with these girls, it can only be temporary - we're all from diff countries - and temporary physical hookups aren't really my thing... I need something more substantial than that.... ughhhhhh...


All this over-thinking is seriously draining my mojo.... well I guess it's nice knowing the option is there should I choose to follow up on it.

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You can still get intimate in a temporary situation. Go for it, it is good that your Ex is investing in you BUT you are not with her or back together. A little fling may boost your confidence and you'll look back and say...I got my fair share of tail, this one time in Paris.....etc. and I can settle down with no regrets...

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Do everything you can to stop analyzing (aka over analyzing or analysis paralysis). This is what can lead us to irrational behavior as we literally convince ourselves to act where we would otherwise not (being in a more rational state of thinking). So redirect your thoughts when you catch yourself to avoid getting caught up in this.


You had a wonderful exchange. And while you may both have not wanted the conversation to end -it was perfect the way it did. It went well, you both enjoyed it, and it ended on a high note. Now leave it alone. Let it be. Let it sit and resonate.


Enjoy the happiness that you experienced. Go forth with that happiness and enjoy the remainder of your travels just that much more! Remember, you were nervous about how she would react to your calling - you got a positive response so you got the best reaction possible. Don't go building expectations from that. Live in the present. Don't wonder about the future. You are not a fortune teller (neither am I). Just live each day as positively as you can. It is the best thing you can do for yourself and to avoid making mistakes based on analysis and expectations. Remember, you are in Paris!!!! I am jealous!

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