Coconut Twin Posted February 21, 2012 Author Share Posted February 21, 2012 i can't stop crying incessantly. i feel so sick. I am so scared to go through with this pain. I am so afraid of my feelings, they're out of my control right now. I got over my ex before this ex so easily, it took a month. I was even smiling when we broke up, I was not in a vulnerable position. However with this ex, I have no job, no place of my own, all friends gone and then he broke me on top. I am so sad, and I want to stop this pain now! I need to drink or something, I want to feel numb to this. i feel so weak because I want him still, I love him and I can't cope. I apologise for sounding like a broken record. I feel sic. My father just called and apologised for being insensitive. He said he didn't realise I felt this bad?! He may pay for counselling for myself but right now i'm loosing the will to breathe. I need to forget..The crying is too much, I put make up on to make myself feel together and only to wipe the mascara away that has run down my cheeks...i can't cope Link to comment
Coconut Twin Posted February 21, 2012 Author Share Posted February 21, 2012 i am going to try and reapply the make up...i can't let go of myself Link to comment
Mimora Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 Oh honey, I'm so sorry you're feeling the way you do. Talk to us, scream and cry. Cause you can't really numb it... Link to comment
Coconut Twin Posted February 21, 2012 Author Share Posted February 21, 2012 Do we all have to be perfect beings to be accepted in a relationship. can't we have faults. why do people search for perfection when we are designed to have good and bad energy? relationships that break up are a cop out. Everybody has negative organic emotions such as jealousy, despair , anger, sadness and also positive ones. But because they are organic they can be recycled negative can be turned into positive emotions. If we have knowledge of this, are emotionally intelligent and are aware then we can better deal with issues that arise and realise that they can all pass if we address it. I think relationships end due to lazyness, because people can't be bothered to understand what human beings are capable of. Relatinoships are a hoax. What are they really? they all end, even marriages more so..everything comes to an end, so why do we bother? Why don't we just have free sex and friendship. FWB as they call it, then maybe no one gets hurt... Link to comment
Mimora Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 We bother ‘cause when it’s good, it’s what keeps us alive and we forget all the bad aspects of it. Link to comment
Coconut Twin Posted February 21, 2012 Author Share Posted February 21, 2012 I am going to keep posting til I heal, i figured this is probably the only way out instead of out my eyes.. Link to comment
Coconut Twin Posted February 21, 2012 Author Share Posted February 21, 2012 We bother ‘cause when it’s good, it’s what keeps us alive and we forget all the bad aspects of it. i don't know what good is anymore? what is good? i am really struggling because I thought I was good, my essence was good at least. maybe I didn't have an amazing job, i perfect apartment. Things befall people. He understood, and supported me, tried to get me back on my feet,I'll give him that but the patience, the patience it wore thin. I needed more time, the clock was ticking and he checked out. I felt I was on a deadline at one point... So the moral of the story is - make sure you have a job, friends, a place to call your own and no baggage then maybe you'll have a partner for life. Forget about kindness, love, compassion, forgiveness that goes out the window. Its all about status. Link to comment
Coconut Twin Posted February 21, 2012 Author Share Posted February 21, 2012 Mimora thanks for your patience. If i get too heated ignore me..i know this will pass Link to comment
Madison12 Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 Hey girl, Gosh have I been where you are and the pain is so awful. I'm so sorry you're going through it right now and I wish I could take it from you. I used to say I would rather have a physical injury than go through that pain again. Unfortunately, it's just going to suck for a while and there's no way around it. One thing that I have always done when going through a breakup is to try and get involved in as many things as possible and stay busy working on myself. I would allow yourself a set amount of time, like a week, to cry and sleep and mope and eat and journal or do whatever else you feel you want to do. After a week is up, you need to force yourself to get back out into the land of the living. Just do it, even if you don't feel like it. Go for a walk, join a running club, get yourself moving again. Get dressed, put on your makeup and go get a pedicure. Find a job. Don't tell yourself you can't, because you CAN. Fake it til you make it. Of course your breakup will be a constant theme in your mind and I'm not saying you'll get over it soon, but right now you need to choose YOU. What are the things you have the power to change? You seem intelligent and healthy - so get back out there and make the world your b*tch. You were a whole person before him and you are still a whole person and his decision to end the r'ship doesn't define you. Only YOU define you. Huge hugs to you as you're hurting, and sending good vibes your way. But try not to let this consume you - it can be a slippery slope. Link to comment
Mimora Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 Don’t worry about it, I’ve been there – still am some days. You’re right, life sucks. I hate it. I hate him. I want to scream and fight and make his life a living hell. But I can’t. I love him. And that feeling is more powerful than anything. Yeah, it sucks when it happens, but now I’m starting to be able to look back at the time we shared and smile. Don’t take me wrong, I’m not over it. Not at all. I want him back with all my heart and I’m gonna try to make that happen. But what I’m trying to say is that your feelings are normal and it does get better (oh, I hated when people told me that and now I’m the one saying it. Yuck) but there will always be days when you’ll feel really, really bad. And as I said earlier, you can’t numb it. Sure, get drunk… what happens when we get drunk? We get emotional so what will you think of..? Yeah. Bad idea. And about status, maybe you’re right. I’m “just a nurse” living with my parents and he’s a lawyer with a beautiful, beautiful home. Quite a difference. But I refuse to believe that it had anything to do with it… Link to comment
Coconut Twin Posted February 21, 2012 Author Share Posted February 21, 2012 Mimora and Madison12, Thank you for such helpful advice. sOmetimes its hard to see sense in these situations. you are so right Madison, I should greive, let myself grieve for a week, then get out because right now Im' like the walking dead. Tomorrow i have an appointment somewhere so I have to force myself to go to that..I will buy that book, it seems quite amazing and normally I'm skeptical 'its called a break up because its broken' someone on here mentioned it. thanks. I llike the way you said 'make the world your * * * * * '..so true! 'Now is the time for guts and guile' like Elizabeth Taylor said. Tomorrow may be different, I'll try lift my head up and face reality. I hope I will feel a bit better at least, of course I don't expect a miracle. I just folded up his letter and put it deep down in my last drawer. I will join the gym next week for definite. I have joined many meet up groups, especially yoga and meditation ones. Onwards and upwards. *sighs.. Link to comment
FreeFallFeelin Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 You're in good company NotAHope. Everybody on this board has been or is in the same dark place you are at the moment. Reading posts on this board is a HUGE help in figuring out what's going on with your emotions, the dynamics of breaking up, and how to start the healing process. Read a lot, and then read some more. Use the search function for terms like "stages of grieving", "stages of relationships", "abandonment", "letting go", etc. You'll find lots of very helpful posts that go back years and years. It sounds like your dad is a real ass (if he's calling you a tramp). Can you afford a place of your own? Even something small and temporary, so you can have a 'safe place' to start rebuilding your life in. Also, you only need one or two really good friends (more is great though) that you can really talk to and that will understand how rocked you are right now. If you have a friend like this, tell them you need someone to just be there for you for a bit, and lean on them. That's what real friends are for. Those overwhelming emotions you are having are totally normal, sorry to say. And it will be really tough for at least two or three months. Honestly, the first two or three weeks is absolutely the hardest you may ever go through. It's relentless, and very very heavy. You're going to feel totally out of control and desperate. When you do, it will help to read posts by others who are experiencing the same. Also, you'll hear a lot of advice to "stay busy...stay distracted". This is good advice, but there is also a difference between staying busy, and being overly busy so you don't have to deal with emotions. As painful as it is, sometimes it's good to sit with your pain and get to know it. I know that sounds counter intuitive, but the idea is to understand where the pain is coming from so you can start to address those issues and turn the pain into a learning experience. This way, you learn and grow, and hopefully heal more completely than if you just try to bury your emotions. The other thing you're going to hear a lot about is 'No Contact'. At this point you just need to know that in the very near future, you will have to start forcing yourself to break the addiction to your ex. It's really hard. But once the relationship has ended, you find that knowing what your ex is doing, thinking, who he is talking to ...will drive you absolutely mad. So stay as far away as you possibly can. This is for your healing. After a few weeks of this hell you're in, you understand more why people work so hard to maintain 'no contact' even though it's killing them (the pain of hearing about the ex's new lover hurts even more, for example). Good luck. We're all in this with you. Link to comment
gardnergirl2 Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 We are all in this with you. I was just thinking the same thing. Mine, after 3.5 years, has a new live in already in just two months time. Talk about the fast track..... And it kills me. I will say this though. At first, I was a WRECK. I cried all the time. I have lost 25 pounds. I hurt Sometimes at work I cry. Most every night. And you know what thought struck me. How could I even care after what he did. But then, another thought struck me. I don't know if you are a Christian, but as Jesus hung on that cross, how did he feel about the very people that put him there? He LOVED them. Father forgive them they know not what they do. Now, I am not comparing us to Jesus (wish I were that perfect), or a break up to a crucifiction. However, the point is....... true love doesn't go away at the drop of a hat no matter the pain you are being put through. But (to keep with the Biblical analogy), todays Friday......But Sunday's a comin (to borrow from an old black preacher). Meaning. Its Friday and dark right now. But what happened on Sunday? Well Jesus rose from the grave. We will all "rise from our grave" of sadness in time (not two days sadly), but we will....... Let's all keep the faith. Link to comment
Coconut Twin Posted February 21, 2012 Author Share Posted February 21, 2012 Thats lovely gardengirl2. Actually I don't hate him for making this choice , I just hurt. I totally understand his reasons for doing this. Maybe he doesn't know whether he made the right choice but just bit the bullet, will never know but all I can do is forgive him and move on. He didn't cheat, never lied was always honest, sometimes brutally honest and overall was a happy soul until I suffocated him. I wish him well but I am sad and will be for a while but I know it will pass, I know this. It just feels like a lamentable struggle to get to the shining light or "rise from the grave" stage as you mentioned. Link to comment
gardnergirl2 Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 Honey, I am not there yet either. He was at least a decent person to you and seems not to be cruel. That is a blessing. And yes, you don't hate him. I don't hate mine either. I love him. But his choices have hurt me tremendously. But, we will keep on keeping on. Link to comment
chitown9 Posted February 22, 2012 Share Posted February 22, 2012 I am so sorry that you are going through this. Please keep posting...there are others who have been in your place. I know that this pain just seems unbearable. Be kind to yourself. We are all here for you sweetie... Link to comment
blueplanet22 Posted February 22, 2012 Share Posted February 22, 2012 A good read is Paul McKenna's "I can mend your broken heart" it gives you some mind exercises which do actually help with "feeling" less hurt etc. Exercise also I feel is a must, it really does help. Any form you can manage from a few weights and sit ups in your front room, to a stroll in the park to a full blown run. Link to comment
Coconut Twin Posted February 22, 2012 Author Share Posted February 22, 2012 Thanks for the encouragement and comforting words everyone! I really appreciate it immensely. I now remember when I broke up with the first guy I went out with years ago. It was my longest relationship, took me nearly 2 years to get over him. I used to blast house music and dance until i was dripping with sweat and my heart was beating so fast I could hear it..that really helped. I can't stand running on my own, but dancing on my own I can do anytime I will join the gym next week though, get on that treadmill, at least then they'll be others there so you don't feel so lonely. Link to comment
Sara1970 Posted February 22, 2012 Share Posted February 22, 2012 You sound much more positive today... made me smile to see that You take care of yourself, lovely. Link to comment
Coconut Twin Posted February 22, 2012 Author Share Posted February 22, 2012 awww thank you dear! You just never know though what tomorrow brings but I will remain positive. I will take care of myself for sure. I went out today, I cycle everywhere in London so that alone released some endorphins, put me on a little high...need to try and maintain it now and try to prevent those lows from setting in. ENA has been really saving my sanity and I will stay and keep posting here until I feel strong enough to leave. Unfortunately the bike I'm riding is the one he bought for me on my bday so soon I will be replacing it but for now I am finding deep meditation is working tremendously. Music for opening chakras seems to work instantly so if I carry that up, maybe I'll be healed before my ex says peekaboo...no I'm kidding that may never happen lol... thanks for the encouragement Sara1970! And for anyone who is interested I find that listening to guru Mooji (lovely warm character and comforting voice) has helped. You can find all his vids here --> link removed 'What is Causing Suffering?' is a good one! Highly recommend it! Also Thich Nhat Hanh, anything from him. Also if one can find any audio of opening chakra meditation music thats pretty great too. Right now as I'm typing I have Kelly Howell 'healing meditation' music playing. It really seems to work in quieting down all busy thoughts in my head, including thoughts of my ex ! Link to comment
chitown9 Posted February 22, 2012 Share Posted February 22, 2012 Go to the advanced search block in the top right of your screen and enter "endy books." You will find a lot of recommended material for healing. Endy was a poster who left this thread for those recovering from a breakup. I think this search will help you as well...chi Link to comment
Sara1970 Posted February 22, 2012 Share Posted February 22, 2012 Thich Nhat Hanh... I love his quiet whispery voice I'll have to look out for the others that you mentioned, and have a peek at that endy thread too... thanks chi! x Link to comment
Coconut Twin Posted February 22, 2012 Author Share Posted February 22, 2012 Go to the advanced search block in the top right of your screen and enter "endy books." You will find a lot of recommended material for healing. Endy was a poster who left this thread for those recovering from a breakup. I think this search will help you as well...chi thanks Chi! ..I remember Endy..was wondering where he disappeared too. He actually introduced me to Thich Nhat Hanh on here a while back. Link to comment
chitown9 Posted February 22, 2012 Share Posted February 22, 2012 thanks Chi! ..I remember Endy..was wondering where he disappeared too. He actually introduced me to Thich Nhat Hanh on here a while back. He announced his departure and left instructions as I gave them as to how to access his resources for healing. I forgot the reason he gave for his departure, but that information also can be acquired by going to his profile and examining his "threads started." I did notice that Endy did pop up on one of the threads here recently, but he is not posting consistently as he once did. Link to comment
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