I can't cope. Nausea this morning at the shock of the break up please help me..

[Coconut Twin]

Hi,

 

I'm really feeling an overwhelming emptiness this morning, i ran to the loo and vomited. i've never vomited with any of my exs before, and this relationship lasted 6 months, my shortest, yet it was intense as we moved in together and lived together for 6 months, read my previous posts to understand.

 

This guy had his bad points but mostly good, he really made me laugh, he was a constant clown and I was always in fits of laughter. He was my teddy bear. Just 4 days ago he was so affectionate, i really believed that after our first mini break this was it, we were going to really try at it. He even said this after Valentines day. Valentines day he did so much, i didn't expect it and then 3 days after we're over. He said that I was never going to change. Read my previous posts. I had lost my job and place and told him that I was trying hard to get a job so I could move out so our relationship could become more balanced. He became suffocated in the meantime and I totally wish I could have had a job so fast and had a place but it wasn't going to happen over night but he couldn't see that, and his patience, and i'll give him that, he did have patience but it wore thin.

 

I want to say that I'll get over this and move on, yesterday I seemed like ok, today I feel so crappy.

 

I want to cry but my dads in my face (I'm there temporarily), he hasn't helped, he rubs salt in the would saying that I am like a tramp and that people will always disrespect me. I ran to the bathroom and sat on the floor and cried until I could cry no more, it felt like water coming from my eyes it was so incessant. I just wanted to take my life.

 

I have no support, my friends are few. I am trying to set up meet up groups and go to some to feel better, trying to be proactive but I need to greive so much. I want to greive but I don't know where to go to grieve as my father is in my face. when I go out for fresh air its like a mine field. Smells, people, music blasting in cars, everyday hustle and bustle is reminding me of my loss.

 

I am suffering so hard today, m stomach can't take food, I am trying so so hard to stay strong. The urge to send him an email os becoming greater. I dream of a brains transplant, I want to forget memories, I want all these horrible feelings of pain to pass.

 

I know it will pass, but right now I am being tortured emotionally and now physically. My bones ache and I feel like I am deteriorating.

 

I want to stay strong, what can I do? how can I ease this pain? immediately, are there any immediate reliefs or coping mechanisms that could work for me now? because I want to contact him so badly.

 

How can this happen to someone who has a good heart, I had good intentions. I believed in us, and now I feel so stupid, I feel like a fool, lke garbage just thrown away. Is this waht I am? garbage, people just step all over me?

 

I want to hate him, but he wasn't bad to me. his decision was his decision, this is how he felt. He needed out and I couldn't say anyhting or do anyhting to change his mind, I had to let it be and now I am in a very dark place.

 

Please help me to see the light, that there is hope for me?

 

I can't breathe, eat, I can't cope .

[marconi68]

What your feeling now is completely normal. And tell you what, the fact that your grieving so hard now is actually a really good thing. It will help you heal quicker and fuller. Better that than not knowing how your feeling, or numb, or indifference. Then it will only hit you harder later on, and set you right back.

Wish you well on your journey

[Coconut Twin]

Thanks, thats reassuring..

 

I aksed him if he could send my phone charger wire as I didn't want to come to his place. I even sent an email 2 days ago saying I couldn't stay as a friend in his life or stay in touch at all. I needed to just forget and move on.

 

I received the wire just now after sent this post , inside it, he wrote..

 

Dearest XX,

 

I just want to say thank you.

Thank you for your time. Thank you for your care. Thank you for you insights.

Thank you for the fun we shared. Thank you for your love.

I am deeply sad that I have hurt you.

Great men do great things. I do not feel great, quite the opposite.

I feel ashamed. I feel like the lowest of the low.

I never wanted to hurt you.

I still care about you sooo much and I to have lost a friend.

You are not worthless, but so very precious.

I will respect your wishes and not contact you again.

But if I do hear from you someday. I would be sooo happy.

I will pray for you often and send positive vibes your way.

If you need anything, I am here, as a friend.

Your a great * * * * ing individual.

 

X X

 

Some would look for signs of love still there, but there is no love in this letter, just guilt of him hurting me in this way...He feels low because of guilt. Yes he had issues within himself but I don't know, all I know is that this guy broke up with me and is writing a letter to make himself feel good.

I feel sick again with the constant reminder that it is indeed so over. I need to do something and I don't know what.

[Coconut Twin]

I'm feeling so lonely and very weak, I need words of encouragement. Loads of words of encouragement..

[blueplanet22]

Everyday it gets a little better and clearer.

 

All I can say is do what you need to, to get over these first few days. Have a nice bath, do some exercise, eat whatever you fancy (I know its hard to eat), cry when you want, but after a few days you have to start to rebuild yourself and your life. If you have a full and rewarding life the lonliness won't be as bad.

[Mimora]

I hate to say it, but its normal to feel the way you do. Its been 7 weeks for me and I still feel sick, still have trouble eating, still cry almost every day, still want him back. I miss him so much and I can’t believe he ended what we had when I thought that we were sooooo good.

I’m better and I’m sure you’ll get better to, but it takes time. And there will be times when you want to hide under the bed and not face reality but life has to go on… I’m still not sure how, but it has to. And it will. Give it time and take care of yourself during this awful, awful period. And we’re all here to support each other.

[Sara1970]

It is early days in this process for you, dear one.

I was there too, not eating, not sleeping, constant fear and upset, physical pain.

I am three months in now and though I still have my down days, I know that the worst is over.

There is no easy way through this.

But you WILL get through, and you WILL begin to feel better.

For now, just concentrate on getting through the next hour, the next day... don't look too far into the future.

x

[Coconut Twin]

For now, just concentrate on getting through the next hour, the next day... don't look too far into the future.

x

 

THank you so much. I have the habit of wishing the healing to happen fast but like you say, I should just take things slowly...wow sometimes I feel like everything in life is an illusion..Maybe if I believe that nothing is for real, I will never get hurt.

[Coconut Twin]

I need to talk to someone. Is there such a thing as calling up a counsellor, they could help you over the phone?

[Sara1970]

THank you so much. I have the habit of wishing the healing to happen fast but like you say, I should just take things slowly...wow sometimes I feel like everything in life is an illusion..Maybe if I believe that nothing is for real, I will never get hurt.

 

You are suffering such intense pain at the moment... of course you want to protect yourself from ever feeling this way again.

Time will bring clarity though, and you will see that there are things and people in life that are real.

 

x

[Sara1970]

I need to talk to someone. Is there such a thing as calling up a counsellor, they could help you over the phone?

 

Call the Samaritans, they will not counsel you but they will listen for as long as you want to talk.

They helped me in the early days, on more than one occasion.

[Coconut Twin]

thank you so much!

[Sara1970]

You're welcome... you take care... we're all here if you need us.

x

[blueplanet22]

Call the Samaritans, they will not counsel you but they will listen for as long as you want to talk.

They helped me in the early days, on more than one occasion.

 

UK: 08457 90 90 90

 

link removed

for details of International numbers and helplines

[Coconut Twin]

hi,

 

I need one more piece of advice.

 

The letter from him, it will hurt me to throw it away. Do you think keeping it won't help the healing? He wrote it in different colour ink, each sentence spaced out and indented. I feel bad if I just chuck it after he's opened himself up about the break up?

 

Would you keep it? or throw it away?

 

it just feels rude. He has done soooo much for me. He has been my counsel, he has bought me ridiculously expensive bike on my birthday when my old one had been stolen, he constantly tended to my needs, through cooking for me, making me laugh, suprising me all the time, and little soft touches that made you realise they loved you. He still post break up, shows that he cares for me. I know he doesn't love me, I understand that now, it hurts but I understand.

BUT, knowing all this, throwing away this heartfelt letter, (at least i think its heartfelt) is bad karma. I feel like its wrong to do that. Maybe I should store it away in a memory box. i don't know, i'm so confused.

[pippy longstocking]

I need to talk to someone. Is there such a thing as calling up a counsellor, they could help you over the phone?

 

the Samaritans darling ...they will listen and listen and listen .....

 

this will pass ....as sara said ..one hour at a time ... I don't knwo if it helps ..but thee isn't one thing you have said that I haven't felt or done ...

 

it's rock bottom darling ...you have hit rock bottom ... and there is only one direction left ....up again ..but you have to accept

that you are going to go through this and there is no quick route .

 

hang in there xxx

[Coconut Twin]

i wish he wouldn't say he cared. i wish he just told me to * * * * off and die. Maybe that would have been easier for me.

[Coconut Twin]

the Samaritans darling ...they will listen and listen and listen .....

 

this will pass ....as sara said ..one hour at a time ... I don't knwo if it helps ..but thee isn't one thing you have said that I haven't felt or done ...

 

it's rock bottom darling ...you have hit rock bottom ... and there is only one direction left ....up again ..but you have to accept

that you are going to go through this and there is no quick route .

 

hang in there xxx

 

thank you love.

 

i'm kidding myself about calling the Samaritans, can't afford to. i have no landline and mobile rates are silly. I have to stay on ENA for a while. When I feel strong, i'll actually go to the samaritans in central London but right now, I just need to lay low, to grieve. I will have to tell my father that if he is going to say something horrible don't say anything at all.

 

I am selling the bike my ex bought me. It is a constant reminder, but it will get me a deposit and rent to move out and start looking forward again..

[pippy longstocking]

i wish he wouldn't say he cared. i wish he just told me to * * * * off and die. Maybe that would have been easier for me.

 

but then you would be sat there wondering how this man you love could be so cruel ..

 

there is no right response , no right answers

[Yeul]

As far as the letter in concerned, I'd put it into a box somewhere, or give it to someone to hold onto for you.

 

I have been exactly where you are, 21 days ago. We went strict NC since day 1, except I see the guy everyday at work. It is killer. However, if you would have told me in the beginning that I wouldn't be crying all the time by day 21, I wouldn't have even remotely believed you.

 

This will get better, and be sure to let yourself feel your feelings. Deal with them head on, don't run from what you're feeling. Deal with it.

 

Also, I hear everyone say to read "It's called Break Up because it's Broken" or something to that effect... I haven't read it, but it may really help with what's going on.

[Silverbirch]

So sorry for the pain you are feeling. I had the nausea and probs eating too. I find that if I'm nauseous, Ginger Nut biscuits with tea or any type of Ginger biscuits nibbled on will help. I hope you can move away from your father soon.

 

Don't stress about the letter your ex sent you. If you feel better to keep it in a memory box, then do that. Sending you healing thoughts. xxxx

[Coconut Twin]

So sorry for the pain you are feeling. I had the nausea and probs eating too. I find that if I'm nauseous, Ginger Nut biscuits with tea or any type of Ginger biscuits nibbled on will help. I hope you can move away from your father soon.

 

Don't stress about the letter your ex sent you. If you feel better to keep it in a memory box, then do that. Sending you healing thoughts. xxxx

 

Thank you so much!

[Coconut Twin]

I wonder if there are any drastic, effective and healing thought processes to forget an ex faster. Even something instant??

 

I need it, there has to be a way. I thought if I think that he is dead, but then that feels worse...oh man I don't know. Need to change my mind set. I can't go out right now, no money til the weekend. Even so, outside seems daunting at the moment, as i mentioned before, sights, sounds, smells are making me focus on this emptiness because I used to enjoy all those things with him.

 

How can one whilst laying low at home, use their mind to switch from thoughts of ex to something else? I have one self help book by Thich Nhat Hanh called Anger, it seems to help a bit, but then a lot of it mentions how to reconcile in a relationship through buddhist teaching and I'm passed that..

 

Any suggestions?

[blueplanet22]

i wish he wouldn't say he cared. i wish he just told me to * * * * off and die. Maybe that would have been easier for me.

 

No trust me, that makes no difference at all as thats what I got. And it still hurt, the rejction still hurt but three weeks on and I am testimant to things do get better. I have been out, I've joined a weekly Yoga class, I've been exercising, I've been enjoying the peace and quiet, nice relaxing baths, early nights, chilling in front of the TV etc.

 

You will get there. At the moment as its been said, its hour by hour and day by day. Also don't rule out the Doctors, they might be able to help.

[Coconut Twin]

As far as the letter in concerned, I'd put it into a box somewhere, or give it to someone to hold onto for you.

 

I have been exactly where you are, 21 days ago. We went strict NC since day 1, except I see the guy everyday at work. It is killer. However, if you would have told me in the beginning that I wouldn't be crying all the time by day 21, I wouldn't have even remotely believed you.

 

This will get better, and be sure to let yourself feel your feelings. Deal with them head on, don't run from what you're feeling. Deal with it.

 

Also, I hear everyone say to read "It's called Break Up because it's Broken" or something to that effect... I haven't read it, but it may really help with what's going on.

 

God I totally missed your post. Thanks for that advice. Wow it must be tough to work with your ex! I would have left the job pronto, especially if he didn't leave. Wow I wish you all the best to get over this too, seems you're doing ok considering the circumstances.