Coconut Twin Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 Hi, I'm really feeling an overwhelming emptiness this morning, i ran to the loo and vomited. i've never vomited with any of my exs before, and this relationship lasted 6 months, my shortest, yet it was intense as we moved in together and lived together for 6 months, read my previous posts to understand. This guy had his bad points but mostly good, he really made me laugh, he was a constant clown and I was always in fits of laughter. He was my teddy bear. Just 4 days ago he was so affectionate, i really believed that after our first mini break this was it, we were going to really try at it. He even said this after Valentines day. Valentines day he did so much, i didn't expect it and then 3 days after we're over. He said that I was never going to change. Read my previous posts. I had lost my job and place and told him that I was trying hard to get a job so I could move out so our relationship could become more balanced. He became suffocated in the meantime and I totally wish I could have had a job so fast and had a place but it wasn't going to happen over night but he couldn't see that, and his patience, and i'll give him that, he did have patience but it wore thin. I want to say that I'll get over this and move on, yesterday I seemed like ok, today I feel so crappy. I want to cry but my dads in my face (I'm there temporarily), he hasn't helped, he rubs salt in the would saying that I am like a tramp and that people will always disrespect me. I ran to the bathroom and sat on the floor and cried until I could cry no more, it felt like water coming from my eyes it was so incessant. I just wanted to take my life. I have no support, my friends are few. I am trying to set up meet up groups and go to some to feel better, trying to be proactive but I need to greive so much. I want to greive but I don't know where to go to grieve as my father is in my face. when I go out for fresh air its like a mine field. Smells, people, music blasting in cars, everyday hustle and bustle is reminding me of my loss. I am suffering so hard today, m stomach can't take food, I am trying so so hard to stay strong. The urge to send him an email os becoming greater. I dream of a brains transplant, I want to forget memories, I want all these horrible feelings of pain to pass. I know it will pass, but right now I am being tortured emotionally and now physically. My bones ache and I feel like I am deteriorating. I want to stay strong, what can I do? how can I ease this pain? immediately, are there any immediate reliefs or coping mechanisms that could work for me now? because I want to contact him so badly. How can this happen to someone who has a good heart, I had good intentions. I believed in us, and now I feel so stupid, I feel like a fool, lke garbage just thrown away. Is this waht I am? garbage, people just step all over me? I want to hate him, but he wasn't bad to me. his decision was his decision, this is how he felt. He needed out and I couldn't say anyhting or do anyhting to change his mind, I had to let it be and now I am in a very dark place. Please help me to see the light, that there is hope for me? I can't breathe, eat, I can't cope . Link to comment
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