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Hi Guys,


Need an opinion on what to do. I hanging out with a female co-worker for the last few months. We got along great and it turned into an attraction. We kissed a few times but we both knew it would not amount to anythining. We still talk at work but we have not hang out in the last month. She did admit to me on a few occassions that she liked me. I never did admit that i liked her but i said i was attracted to her. Anyways within the past month, i met a girl outside of work who i've gotten really close with. We have gone on a few dates lately and everything is going well.I would like to bring this new girl i met to a company party this friday but i'm not too sure how my co-worker will react to the new girl. My co-worker has been a bit distant with me and i'm not sure how she feels about me.

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If you are smitten with this other woman, I would not care what the other one thinks...unless you are worried that things might not work out with the new outside work girl.


Howver, keep in mind that we all want and value that which is hard to obtain. You may find this girl from work wanting you even more!!!

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Like it or not, the other girl is going to feel jealous and/or uncomfortable with you and this new girl around. I'm curious, why did it never turn out? Anyway, it shouldn't keep you from dating and meeting other girls since you and the girl from work can never be. Like stickman said, it's not really your problem. I'd be prudent though (no kissing/making out in front of her- that would just be tactless.)

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If I were you, I would just simply put in an apperance at your company party or not go, and then go on a date with your new girl after. I don't think you shouldn't date but I think that you should avoid a scene, especially if the new girl didn't know about the coworker and the coworker said something. Also, if you left things with the coworker that she really likes you and that you are attracted to her and didn't "end" things or say that "we shouldn't do this because we are coworkers", the coworker might think you guys are still waiting for eachother or there is still a thing. If this were a party with 400 people at it, then maybe, but if its 20, no way. I would personally keep your personal and social life separate at this point. Don't juggle women - but if the coworker starts to get close again, tell her that you don't think its a good idea and make it clear you are dating someone.


To me, because you said "you never said you liked the cowrker" that you are sort of trying to backpedal a bit to qualify the situation. If someone told me that they were attracted to me, I would interpret it as "liking" me.

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btw, did you come out and tell this coworker that it wasn't a good idea or did you just sort of let it peter off without saying anything? If you really "ended it" then your situation is a bit more promising...but be prepared for your date to learn that you went out with your coworker if its brought up.

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Well this is the issue i have. I know it's not going to amount to anything but my coworker said it's not a good idea. So i backed off but then she decided to start up again. However nothing has been agreed upon that we should end it. i'm assuming it is because she has been distance the last month.

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When she said that, i did say if you think that's best. .


But that implies that you aren't in agreement with her, but are just saying you'll go with what she thinks - you are respecting her opinion. So, therefore, it implies that if she decides she wants you, you agree with it - because its whatever she thinks. If she is telling you that you will talk and hang out, then she thinks there is still something going on, that maybe there was just a cool down period. Or she is torn.


You have never made a bold statement "I agree, we are coworkers so should not get involved" or "This isn't working out" or "I really would like to see you, how can we discreetly make this work?" So it really hasn't ended. It is a loose end.


I would either keep this new girl far away from work functions to see where things go and to see if it turns into a relationship and its worth it bringing her to functions, or I would have an honest conversation with your coworker and tell her that you have met someone. It seems right now you are trying to keep the option open with your coworker. You have no obligation to be exclusive, of course, but you can't avoid the coworker during the day. You have to be honest one way or the other. If the distant period was a month or less, you only dated this girl a few times and is that long enough to invite her to be amongst your coworkers?


I would ask yourself what you really want, not what doesn't rock the boat.

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