LSgirl Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 My bf of over a year is kind of a hippie, before we met he even used to have dreads down to his waist but cut it off. He's a very generous person, to strangers, friends, and me. I would consider him a humanitarian, always trying to help people and he's extremely loyal and never judgmental. In his past he's done a lot of things/traveling, very experimental with drugs (in his his teens), but the only thing he does now is pot which I don't mind even though I'm not a smoker myself. However, when he dropped me off at Saturday night around midnight, I didn't hear from him the next day. I figured he was busy and didn't hear his phone ring, then my friend who is dating his roommate texted me around 10pm saying my bf never came home and I told him I hadn't heard back from him either. I got worried a bit especially because he rides fast on his motorcycle and maybe thought he got into an accident. I finally fell asleep and woke up around 1:30am this morning and decided to call him again. He picked up and was fine, he said he met up with his guy friend (a local rock/folk guitarist) that he drove 45 min away to hang out with and some other people that hung out at this beach, did mushrooms and he said he had an awesome time. He said he felt really good again and got in touch with his spiritual side and felt he needed this. He loves camping and camped for 2 nights total, all while not telling anyone where he was. So when he had finally answered the phone I broke down crying saying that I was worried but convinced myself he was alright. I told him I was happy to know he was fine but I didn't know whether to be angry or not because nobody had heard from him and it seemed a bit selfish. He said that I had no need to ever worry about him and he had been wanting to do something like this for awhile and it sounded like it was one of the best days he's ever had or something. He said he would call me again when he got back into town. He called me this afternoon and told me he got back safely and was on his way to get a smoothie and asked me how my day at work was. I didn't say much, I couldn't decipher if I was angry or sad or even had a reason to feel upset. He said his roommate had filed a missing persons report with the cops and I didn't say anything. I told him I would talk to him later and we hung up. I didn't even feel like talking to him so I kept the conversation short and ended it. Now to the part where I feel confused, should I be upset? Part of me even feels jealous that he had so much fun with these strangers and that I would never do anything like this. I hate camping and not really an outdoorsy person in general, and the fact that he hadn't told me where he was, worrying me and his friends, then telling me how much fun he had just made me both sad and angry. So should I just let this go? I know he meant no harm and I feel like this isnt even out of character of him, he's a very spontaneous and relaxed person, but why do I feel this way? Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 I think I would be very upset too. The fact that he doesn't seem to care that people were so worried about him is very troubling. Lots of people who have been missing have been found dead...he should have the sense to keep in touch with people who care about him and not just go wandering off with no word. Sounds to me like "getting in touch with his spiritual side" was more about getting stoned and oblivious to everything around him. Link to comment
LSgirl Posted February 21, 2012 Author Share Posted February 21, 2012 Should I say anything else? There wasn't really much else for me to add, he knows me and his roommates were worried and I know his battery died on the 2nd day and he did feel bad that I was worried but it just seems so irresponsible. Since there's nothing else for me to say on it, do I just let it go bc bringing it up again wouldn't change what happened. I'm not going to break up with him over this but i'm still very irritated by it. I almost don't even feel like talking to him for a couple days but I don't want to play games either. I don't want to be irritated if I do talk to him, but I just feel helpless in how I feel. Link to comment
Silverbirch Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 I personally wouldn't want to be with someone who does mushrooms or even much pot,but it sounds more like the issue of you being worried about him. Considering that he rang you, I think it's an okay sign that he doesn't want to worry you again. Link to comment
LSgirl Posted February 21, 2012 Author Share Posted February 21, 2012 Yes, I agree, if I had to choose between someone who did pot/shrooms and not I would choose the latter. However, his pot smoking doesn't affect his work or his relationships around him, he's still the same guy and I've been around a lot of people who smoke weed but don't smoke it myself, doesn't really bother me. As far as the mushrooms, it's not something he does usually, maybe socially once in a blue moon but I didn't like how it made him irresponsible this past weekend. Just now as I was writing this reply he texted me saying he wanted to watch a movie and snuggle, and I'm even contemplating whether I should reply or not lol. I'm just so annoyed at this, as much as I do want to snuggle, I dont want him thinking I've gotten over it this quickly? Maybe I'm just overreacting... Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 No one can tell you how to feel. I sure wouldn't judge you though if you were upset. I would be, because his actions were quite inconsiderate of you. Plus, apparently he only smokes pot yet he went on a drug binge. Those two things combined would upset me a lot. Are you ok with him disappearing off with some buddies every now and again, out of nowhere, to do who knows what? That might be something you can deal with now, but if you were to have a long future with him....eeee, could be a big problem. Link to comment
LSgirl Posted February 21, 2012 Author Share Posted February 21, 2012 I have thought about that, as far as him doing this again. I'm sure he's go out on a whim and go camping, but I feel that next time he would let me and his roommates know. He's a very social outgoing guy, almost too friendly, but I trust him (even though I consider myself a fairly jealous person). It's more that he's just so spontaneous and fun and it's funny how the qualities you fall for in a guy can be the same qualities that upset you later. I like how he's adventurous and fun, but this can be careless and irresponsible fun sometimes. He's a grown man with a full time job, takes care of his bills, but parties very hard. I'm more introverted and like to stay home and read. I just hope after this event he will consider letting me know where he is, but I can see how getting high can prevent someone from doing anything rational, sigh.... Link to comment
DN Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 He doesn't have to report in to anybody - make him feel as if he does and he'll be gone. He is not responsible for how you found out he was not home, that was his room-mate who acted somewhat prematurely. Link to comment
LSgirl Posted February 21, 2012 Author Share Posted February 21, 2012 I sent him a reply text saying that I was still upset and hope he understood. He said he was sorry. I then sent another text just to summarize what everyone else has said on here and he sent a text frown face back and said he's putting himself in time out (lol) but then I read DN's reply on here and wasn't sure if I should have sent that. I suppose now he will leave me alone and assume I will call him when I'm not feeling upset anymore. I'm sure by tomorrow I will get over this, but do agree this seems what he did was troublesome. Link to comment
DN Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 If you are troubled by his drug use that is one thing. But as I said, he doesn't have to report in to anyone, it's not as if he didn't turn up for a date with you. Personally, I think you over-reacted. Link to comment
EgoJoe Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 Mushrooms are not that bad. My Ex once tripped on me for doing shroomz and it went all bad. Link to comment
offplanet Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 I reckon stuff like that will annoy you later on when the romance wears off. Link to comment
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