What am I supposed to make of this?

[Pkittie]

Hi Guys,

 

I'm in a weird situation..I would appreciate your input very much. I am a 36 yr old Indian gal. I met a guy 7 months back from link removed, he's raised in Canada and is a 41 yr old divorcee. We talked extensively before meeting so I definitely felt a click when we met. He asked me out to dinner & we went for a second date. On the second date I realized that he has not healed from his divorce, he was bad mouthing his ex wife of 10 months. He is officially divorced & has been separated for almost 4 years. He has some financial settlement case going on which will end in May. Date went well & he left for Canada to meet his family. I didn't hear back for 2-3 weeks, then he came back & called to tell me that he's real busy. He called after two weeks & I had an honest conversation with him, he admitted that he wasn't ready to be in a relationship. He & I talked a lot & continued to be friends. He would call once a month or so & ask me out to lunch or dinner. I would politely decline. I met him twice after that. Just casual lunch or a movie & dinner, he continued to flirt crazily with me. I maintained a stiff front & ignored his remarks. He never made a physical move on me. In Nov, I told him that I have started to like him & I want to maintain distance so I'm not ready to meet him. He called me back in Dec & asked to meet again. I declined, after a month he called me back again to meet in Jan. He calls off & on atleast a month, I have really begun to fall for this guy, our conversations goes on for atleast an hour or two. I met him one last time in Jan & told him that I can't continue to be friends because it hurts me, he's pretty active on link removed & I don't wish to make myself miserable. He kept listening & kept quiet. We had a good evening, he took me to dinner & I gave him his b'day gift. His b'day was a month before, I bought him a sweater & thought it would be a nice gesture since he paid for dinner last time. We came back & I thought he understood my dilemma. He called me on Fri again & wanted to watch a movie. I told him clearly that it hurts me & not to call me back ever again since I can't stay friends. He called me back yesterday & kept talking. He wanted to meet for dinner, I asked him point blank what purpose it would serve? He said he really likes me as a person, really trusts me blah blah...He is new to the city so does not have much friends. I have given him several meetups info etc but he is not interested in taking the initiative.

 

I don't sense that he is being sensitive to my feelings. He still keeps saying that we should hang out. I find it very hard to not answer his phone when he calls. I don't understand why does he keep calling back when I have explained myself so clearly. I really feel like meeting him but resist the urge to call/meet. This is driving me crazy...What does this guy want?? Any ideas? I can clearly see attraction in his eyes but no desire to make it work. I'm sick of these mixed signals. It's been 7 months, I want him out of my head....This hurts crazy...

[Circe]

He does it because he cares more about his need for company and his lonliness than about the possibility of hurting you and keeping you back from meeting someone that wants more than a temporary friendship with you.

 

I think you know what you have to do. You have to stop taking those calls. Only you can care enough about yourself to do what must be done.

[Silverbirch]

He probably won't get out of your headspace for a while yet - until you have stopped communicating and meeting with him a while, and getting on with life without him. It's hard and a lot of people resist NC. I stayed LC for a while and eventually the pain got so bad, I needed to go NC. Good luck.

[Pkittie]

[i think you know what you have to do. You have to stop taking those calls. Only you can care enough about yourself to do what must be done.

 

Gosh...wouldn't it be rude to just stop answering the phone & dissapearing...My fren was saying today that he has barely met you 4 times, just hang out casually with him & see if his feelings change. It seems too risky to me though! At 41, people know what they want.

[Circe]

What? No.. it's rude to be told "please don't contact me because it hurts me to only be friends" and yet to keep calling the person completely ignoring their wishes!

[trixi]

What? No.. it's rude to be told "please don't contact me because it hurts me to only be friends" and yet to keep calling the person completely ignoring their wishes!

 

TOTALLY AGREE - he is so self-absorbed and totally all abt himself and his needs that his has no grasp on what harm he is doing as long as he is satisfied. You need to take care of yourself !