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My ex and I are actually talking now


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My ex broke up with me about 2 and a half months ago to be with someone else. She was pretty young and he broke my heart and I loved him very much. He was my first love and I was in my early twenties when we started dating. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. I felt that he was my soul mate. I know some do not believe in this and that is ok. I was pathetic and I begged him to not break us apart. I wanted him to realize that he was giving up a 5 year relationship with a girl that would never cheat on him and has been good to him the whole time we were together. After I started the NC he realized I would no longer bug him and ask him to be with me. The girl that is currently his ex now turned out to be someone he did not want to be with. I find it amazing that it only took 2 and a half months for him to realize what he had lost. he gave everything up with me to be with this girl. 2 weeks after his break up with his current ex he sends me a message on facebook. Saying he missed me. Just reading those words I broke down. I was having more and more good days. meeting new friends. He could tell that my life was getting better by viewing my facebook. We have been talking lately not about getting back together exactly but just being friends. I don't think I can just be friends though. I was ready for a family with him. We have talked about maybe starting over. He has promised a bunch of things that he promised before. I am trying to keep my guard up because I can not go through what I have gone through since he left. At times I want to work things out with him because I still love him. He is my best friend. He has never given me a reason to doubt his loyalty until now. He has always been a good person to me until the end of last year when he turned into this man I did not know. I just want to know if anyone has experienced something similar and knows if starting over really works. He has apologized a thousand times. I want that to be enough but I don't know if it is. I don't know if I will regret starting over. My family would kill me if they knew I was talking to him because of what he put me through. I just don't know....

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I think you do know... this guy is no good for you.


He broke up with you to be with another girl. Right there that says that he didn't need a grace period to get space, he didn't spend time worrying what you thought, he was off with another chick just like that! That type of break up is a slap in the face... next you'll say he sent it over text or something.


This guy is probably just lonely/horny or a combination of both. If you come back to him he'll likely only lose interest again once he sees he has you.

I'm dead serious when I say that if you were to pursue your OWN life and leave him in the dust, better yourself and feel confident, that is when he'll probably legitimately want you back but you'll be over him and with a better guy. Lesson learned = he lost a good girl, you both gained wisdom.


I don't know what else to tell you.. if you want to risk all the progress you've achieved without him, and perhaps go through a whirlwind of negative emotion AGAIN, then by all means pursue him. I think you're better off taking the high road and letting him realize you're better than that.


Good luck

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I can only give you my experience. My ex did the same thing when we broke up the first time after 6 months (he said I wasn't the one for him so I broke up with him) and the second time at 1.5 years (I found out some things about him and couldn't trust him so I broke up with him again). Both times he said he changed and he wants to be with me. After our second breakup, I found out that he was always insecure about me being the one for him and questioned our relationship from day 1. He was also playing the field behind my back while we were together. Our final breakup, where he dumped me, he again said that I am not the one for him and he doesn't see himself settling down with someone like me. Ouch. I took the BU hard. Almost 2 months later, I am doing A LOT better though, I think it partly has to do with the fact that I've been through the wash already with him two times before. I guess what I learned is that if it is broken the first time, it'll be broken again and again later. It's almost impossible to completely start over because the resentment and hurt from the past will always creep up again. I'd say if he is serious about getting back together and if that is what you really want, go to counseling together and nip the resentment and insecurities form the get-go. Otherwise, I'd say do not get back together. In the long run, it'll be more emotionally detrimental to you if things don't work out, which is highly possible.

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Agree!!!!!! This guy really screwed you over, and will do it again! He has shown you he did not respect the relationship and will respect you even less if you take him back because he knows you will tolerate anything.


He has shown you what he is capable of, and I guarantee this will happen again.

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If you want him back then you cannot go into this half-heartedly. You either take him back or move on but don't try to steer some sort of middle course. Can it work out? Yes, of course it can but not if both of you don't try your hardest.

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superduper is spot on...


"I'm dead serious when I say that if you were to pursue your OWN life and leave him in the dust, better yourself and feel confident, that is when he'll probably legitimately want you back but you'll be over him and with a better guy"


seriously, you WILL find someone else who will love you, appreciate you, and never leave you. when you meet him you will wonder why you ever pondered going back.

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Thank you all for your comments. There is a part of me that really wants to give him another chance just not right now. I am amazed of how much progress I have made in this short amount of time. I still ask the question, if I was the "perfect woman" to him why did he let me go? Why did he hurt me by sleeping with another women. I do, I still love him very much and I think the fact that I pictured my life with him that is why I cant completely let go. I am considering going to counseling if he is willing to do that. I just don't want him to promise me things and not mean them. Maybe deep down I'm just scared to meet someone else because I never imagined I would have too. You become so comfortable with that person and they are your best friend. I thought the fact that I was a good girl would be enough for him. There are certain things I wouldn't do intimately that he wanted and still would want. That is what this new ex gave him. He has told me he is sorry and misses me in every possible way. I told him he needs some time to himself. He has 2 exes in 3 months. I just really wanted to be his girl, the one and only in his life.

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You're asking yourself the right question. Actions speak louder than words!


Protect yourself first. Chances are if he had cold feet before, he will have cold feet again. Someone said it best on this forum before...the future is just the past with the lights on.


Good luck! Stay strong!

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