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I dont understand.


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I was with my ex for almost 5 years. i am 17 now. we broke up just over 2 weeks ago.

she was always the one who was deeply in love.. yes i was aswell but not as much as she ever loved me.. she was always the one who spoke about marriage and kids, yes i spoke about it too and agreed but she was always the one who brought it up.


2 weekends ago, i went over to visit my mum for the weekend, on the thursday night the day before i went, she was begging me not to go, she wouldnt let me leave her bed as we was cuddling each other. she kissed me and said shel miss me so much. then on the saturday i got a text saying that she wants a break for a bit and not see each other for a month she sounded okay and i agreed to this as it may help our relationship. when i got back the next day on facebook she said it was a lie and that she doesnt love me anymore she just knew id flip out if she was honest :S. she said if her feelings come back then obviously our relationship means something but the thing is we was fine before i went. a week later we fell out over facebook and she threaten to delete all possible contact, so i went to her house to apologise and she told me she wont be with me because she doesnt love me anymore and isaid.. "did you even ever love me" she said "what did you just say" and she flipped out. i said "you never stop loving somebody" i saw a photo of us next to her bed from our school prom which wasnt there before i went to my mums and she said she put it up on the friday the day after i left (so she obviously loved me and missed me:S) 5 years worth of feelings dont go in a day. since the monday we argued and fell out.. she deleted me on facebook and threatens to block my number if i text her.. so atm i am doing NC and waiting for her to contact me. 2 days ago she told her bestfriend she does love me a hell of a lot. i dont understand what she wants or what is going on. Any advice?

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You are both still very young and so many things in life are going to change for you. In those 5 years you have grown up together and that is very special, no one will take that away from you, but at the same time what you both wanted back when you first were together and what you want now are probably very different, and they will be again in another couple of years because you are going to be thinking about college/university or deciding on your career - You will realise this when the break up is less raw. You would be her best friend after almost 5 years together but that doesn't mean she wants you to be her boyfriend right now, she obviously loved you in the best way she knew how at the time so don't ever think she didn't love you. I think what is best is to give her some space and focus on what you want for yourself and for your future and she needs to do the same. Maybe your paths will meet again sometime when you both have had significant time away from each other to decide what you really want, this doesn't mean jumping into other relationships but in regards to your future as an individual. You may both realise that what you had was special at the time but it was a first love and isn't going to be your future.


Breakups are never easy, especially after the amount of time together and I think it can hurt a lot as a younger person because you haven't had to deal with strong emotions like this before and you haven't really experienced life without this person to know you're going to be okay, but you WILL BE

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Just focus on yourself, as you said its not impossible but don't sit around hoping for too long. Give her space without too much contact, not at all if you feel you can do that but there has to be a point where you do have to move on completely and realise that she may never come back and that it was just a young love relationship. It could happen that you both meet again in 5-10 years time and you both realise you could actually make a good go at things again now you're older and more mature to settle down and do the things you both talked about before but you have to move forward with your life without her for now because you could destroy yourself with hoping for a reconciliation that may never be. Its early days yet so you are bound to feel that its meant to be or that you can't live without her but if worst comes to worst, you will get on with it and it will be okay in the end

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I suppose a simple birthday card won't hurt but that has to be it. I do think you would benefit from no contact for a while, not to win her back but to heal, as it sounds at the moment you are going to wait for her to change her mind and theres a chance she won't, if she meets someone else eventually, it will hurt you a lot more if you're still holding on to hope. As I said its only been two weeks since the break up, it is still pretty raw and these feelings of wanting to get back together, hurt and confusion are normal but you have to respect her decision to take herself out of your relationship and also respect yourself to not put yourself out there to get hurt more than you obviously are

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yeh iv told her that im not gonna wait forever, iwont just be here whenever she wants me to back itd take some convincing from her to prove to me its what she wants. i dont understand why she is telling me she doesnt love me anymore? when there are signs that she does and she told her friend. why would she lie?

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I think in that case its going to take more than a few weeks for her to convince you that you are what she wants because she is young and needs time to really think about it, as getting back together within a few days or a few weeks from now, may only last a few more months or less and she may leave again, leaving you even more broken hearted than you are now. BUT that doesn't mean you should wait, you should carry on with your life as if she is never coming back to you.


Theres three possible reasons she is saying she doesn't love you anymore.

1. She doesn't - She may have known for a while she wanted out of the relationship and has lost the love for you she felt she had before.

2. She is trying to push you away by hurting you because she doesn't want you at the moment and is angry that you aren't respecting her choice of opting out.

3. She doesn't know what she does feel and she may love you but not in the way you desire.

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Yeh, many people have said shes at the point in her life where she doesnt know how she feels or what she wants. so she is wanting time and space to herself to figure things out on what she does want and what she does feel.

only a week before the break up - she was upset because she always pushes people away who actualy just care about her and she doesnt mean to but she has this anger problem which means she does things she cant control at the time. she was getting upset that one day she would push me away too far and that she would lose me. well it turns out she has just done it. idont know yet weather she has lost me.. time will tell how we both feel i suppose.

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yeh, many people have said she is at the point in her life where she doesnt know what she wnats or how she feels so she needs time to herself and her thoughts to figure things out.

only a week before the break up - she was really upset that she pushes people away who are closest to her then they fall out with her. she was upset that one day she would do it to me and shed lose me.

she has an anger problem which means she cant control what she does or says at the moment she does it.

idont know if shes lost me yet but time will tell how we both feel

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you guys are both really young. I noticed a lot of my friends who met their partners when they were young would eventually get restless and want to see "what else was out there." even if they thought their bf/gf was 'perfect.' sometimes they got back together, sometimes they did not. it's possible that by the time she realizes what a great guy you are, you'll have moved on and want nothing to do with her. maybe you will find an even better woman for you!! (and who wants a girl with an anger problem?!?)


hang in there. are you going to go to college? you are going to meet sooooooooooo many women there.

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im currently in college now half way through my 1st year.

and i always told her that her anger problem didnt bother me.. coss i loved her enoguh to put up with it. i understood her and i undertsand her childhood wasnt the best so i was always understanding to her anger and temper

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