SomeoneInLove Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 I'm bored so thought I'll start something what are your views? Link to comment
rainbows1 Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 If two people make the decision they want to make a good go at getting back together then, yes, it probably is worth a second try if enough time has passed or both have acknowledged their mistakes. But if its just one person fighting and the other person is not trying or interested in trying then its not worth fighting for at all, because the other will just feel even more defeated and hurt in the end. Link to comment
charity Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 this only applies if BOTH people feel the same way. when one person wants out, i believe in giving them the freedom and myself the self respect to accept their decision. Link to comment
blueplanet22 Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 agreed - if its just one person fighting for something and the other has given up or not that bothered, then perhaps you are not fighting for something worth having! Link to comment
Sara1970 Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 Bouncing around the ring with my boxing gloves on, clobbering the hell out of 'I love you, but I'm not in love with you'. Honestly, it depends on so many things. For me, it has taken three months to realise that there is no point fighting for it... he is happy on his own. Link to comment
theface71 Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 It has taken me almost two months to realise the same point that there is no point in fighting if there is only one person thinking it is worth it. It does indeed make the person who is fighting for what they believe in become more hurt and defeated. It just makes things worse because then you rationalize that there must be something wrong with you if the person you are fighting for is indifferent. Link to comment
SomeoneInLove Posted February 20, 2012 Author Share Posted February 20, 2012 Do you think it applies to situations where one person fights for love and the other is confused about his/her feelings and doesn't want to let go of the other person even though they are not together. Assuming they both aren't dating anyone. I have come accross situations like this in this forum and see a lot of people still being with their exes who are confused and stuff. I have done it myself. So I'm just wondering. Is it really worth it in this case? Link to comment
secondchance67 Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 I think that once a person makes the conscious decision to leave you, then you have to respect that decision. I think you have to allow the person you loved and cared for the opportunity to explore other options, find the happiness they are looking for, and let them go. Fighting for love is a waste of energy; love should be freely given if its real....battling for a place in someones heart or life is not worth the pain and suffering you will endure if you fail and do not accomplish the goal. I think it comes down to knowing the situation, the other person's real intentions and desires, and what's ultimately right for both of you. Some times admitting defeat in a reationship is actually a victory.....think about the reasons it fell apart...the person that left you....with a clear mind, emotions removed, logically viewed: is it worth fighting for after all? Link to comment
rainbows1 Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 If someone is confused but takes themselves out of the relationship, then they know enough about how they feel to want to not be in the relationship at the current time. So the person fighting could get hurt if they are pushed away even further, so it is better for them to remove themselves from the relationship too until the other person knows what they want, if it isn't the person who wanted to fight at least they won't feel their efforts have been rejected and somewhat humiliated in the process. Link to comment
annie24 Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 "If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it's yours to keep." I think fighting for the relationship makes sense if you are the one who called it off, or you did something bad and the other person is willing to give it a chance. Otherwise, if the person doesn't want to be with you, to keep fighting for it makes you a stalker, and that is scary. Link to comment
Anna. Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 I feel like a little fight might help save my relationship. I just posted about how to break up, bc I don't feel passion, I don't feel loved, I feel like I will walk away and he'll be ok with it or at least act ok with it. I don't think I'm a bad person to want to be with somebody who won't just let me walk away. I want someone to say, "Hey, I love you and I'm going to fight for you. You're the person I love and I want to do what I can to make you happy!" In some situations it would make all the difference in the world. Now I think this obviously applies more to LTRs or marriages. Link to comment
yirpa Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 Within reason! And I agree with what was said before. It's worth fighting for if the other person is willing to fight too!!! “We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.” Link to comment
Liraele Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 I think most things are worth working through, so long as both partners feel the same, so long as there is truly a strong bond there. Some things are a one-off for people - some people will give a second chance, etc... but the main thing has to be that both partners have to be ready, willing, and able to work through whatever is thrown at them as a team. And they have to be accepting of how their partner deals with things, and not set strict limits on their coping processes and healing processes, because even if we agree to work on something, we deal with things differently. I think it's natural for most relationships for one person to still want it when it ends, and so they fight. Not always, not even most of the time, but there are some of us who will fight for a feeling we had... even when we're not being fought for. I don't necessarily think it's wrong, but a lesson we have to learn... and so we do. I think knowing when to let go is often harder to decide than whether or not to fight. Link to comment
Tanzi Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 "If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it's yours to keep." I think fighting for the relationship makes sense if you are the one who called it off, or you did something bad and the other person is willing to give it a chance. Otherwise, if the person doesn't want to be with you, to keep fighting for it makes you a stalker, and that is scary. I agree. I did this. I held on (probably far too long in the end though) to an ex because it was my actions that lead to the breakdown of the relationship and I therefore felt I had something to prove. Eventually, however, there came a point where I still had to stop, look and listen. I think in all break ups there comes a point when you have to look at the situation for what it really is and start listening to what your ex partner is saying (or maybe NOT saying!). If you continue to fight for something that THEY don't want because it is what YOU want it then becomes a rather selfish act. If it really isn't what they want then you are basically fighting for nothing. You have to be together in your fight to save your relationship otherwise you are basically fighting AGAINST them which will more than likely cause an even bigger rift. Link to comment
Cowboy1015 Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 I think everyone fight for love. You may win. You may lose. Accept it. You just need to know when the battle is lost. Link to comment
Nick Lansing Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 "If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it's yours to keep." I think fighting for the relationship makes sense if you are the one who called it off, or you did something bad and the other person is willing to give it a chance. Otherwise, if the person doesn't want to be with you, to keep fighting for it makes you a stalker, and that is scary. Well said. Link to comment
dumPI Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 I'm worth having so HER time to fight against her feelings (or actually LACK OF) for me. Link to comment
dumPI Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 Do you think it applies to situations where one person fights for love and the other is confused about his/her feelings and doesn't want to let go of the other person even though they are not together. Assuming they both aren't dating anyone. I have come accross situations like this in this forum and see a lot of people still being with their exes who are confused and stuff. I have done it myself. So I'm just wondering. Is it really worth it in this case? while they are confused they stay in the RS whether to make it work or to enjoy the familiarity while searching for a substitute. Once they leave or hint about breaking up/taking a break the confusion is over. Link to comment
italiannmf24 Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 this only applies if BOTH people feel the same way. when one person wants out, i believe in giving them the freedom and myself the self respect to accept their decision. Agree with this 100%. Link to comment
Mimora Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 If you love someone – fight. Always fight for what you want. If you lose, then you know you did everything you could. Link to comment
loveseeker1 Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 Totally agree with everything said here. It must come from both sides. But being in NC makes it difficult, by trying to guess if the other party wants it to work. I suppose that's when they will go to the sun and back to make sure you know they want it. In my case, just silence! Link to comment
potty46 Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 If you love someone – fight. Always fight for what you want. If you lose, then you know you did everything you could. I love this. This is what has driven my intentions this last week. I've been struck down, by things that could've easily been handled differently. It's your own mistake to make, but by not making them how are you supposed to know if it's worth the fight or not... but on the same hand, letting go also decides whether it was worth holding on to. I'm a fighter. But it's hard fighting against someone... it's a losing battle... Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 "If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it's yours to keep." I think fighting for the relationship makes sense if you are the one who called it off, or you did something bad and the other person is willing to give it a chance. Otherwise, if the person doesn't want to be with you, to keep fighting for it makes you a stalker, and that is scary. I heard that quote decades ago, and never truly understood it. But about a year ago, when my bf broke up w/ me, I texted his best friend and asked if he had any words of wisdom. He paraphrased that comment --- and added a few personal words. And so I let go ----it wasn't about fighting for the relationship, but giving him space to work out a bunch of issues. And he came back --- last April. And everything -- from communication, to time together, to appreciating what we had and almost lost ---- is better than before. The getting back together isn't about fighting for it, or pride. And is it about accepting the other person and their way w/ dealing w/ emotional issues, and stress....and allowing the process of coming back together to proceed at its own pace. Link to comment
Jim Wormold Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 I bumped into my ex at the theatre two weeks ago. I know this is a million dollar question, but if she looks me in the eye and says "getting back together wont happen now, not in one year, not in 10 years" - is that necessarily final or have you heard similar such statements that preceded them coming back much much later? Our break up was end of August, she sort of was open to trying again but I never got to see her. I was an emotional mess and became a bit irrational (eg returning her things). Maybe just trying to get her attention (yes, yes, in retrospect stupid but it was a crazy crazy time), but it didnt help. I did write her a 10 page story in November with accompanying sketch, "photo", letter expressing my feelings, hand-made birthday card. No response. I dont intend doing anything more - truly. I am desperately trying to move on. Just wondering now about such statements though. Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 Jim ---I think you know this is FINAL. So final. Link to comment
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