Zack808 Posted February 19, 2012 Share Posted February 19, 2012 Together 1 year 2 months. BU and NC for about 7 weeks now. I left her because of the emotional abuse (mood swings, temper, anger, put downs, name calling, nothing I did was ever good enough for her). I'm not perfect but I treated her with respect which I realized I wasn't getting anymore. Alot of red flags in the beginning but I chose to ignore them. I started to see these behaviors after the 4th month, after the honeymoon phase. Marriage was already on her mind but I just went with the flow. She had a bad past and did my best to understand her and be patient because of what she went through. I just couldn't take it anymore, I felt depressed, unhappy and just waited for the right moment for her to say something horrible to make me finally call it quits. 7 weeks later, i'm always checking her facebook. She keeps it open to the public even before me so it is nothing new. Sure I blocked her and deleted her 6 months prior to breakup because of her insecurities but it's not that hard to open another account. I stopped checking for awhile then I have this tremendous urge to check, ugh!!! I'm the one who left but why am I the one suffering. Haven't heard a word from her since I left so I guess it was mutual on her side too. Haven't seen her with any other guys, I just see her moving on, like nothing happened. I guess I just want to see that she is hurting like I am too. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to get back with her, I just need to figure out how to stop myself from checking her facebook anymore. I also feel like if I just saw her with someone else already it would wake me up and stop looking. Just wanna hear what you guys think. thanks Link to comment
Lonewing Posted February 19, 2012 Share Posted February 19, 2012 You and you alone control your behavior. You must learn to curve your behavior, if it is indeed impulsive. It is Not Facebook that causes your issues. Facebook is nothing but a gun with an unchambered round. It is not the gun that causes trouble; it is the person who holds it. If you cannot contain yourself, then yes, perhaps you should delete and unplug. But this will not correct your internal issues. Link to comment
LeftBehind Posted February 19, 2012 Share Posted February 19, 2012 Permanently delete your account. You'll feel great. Trust me. Link to comment
guynextdoor Posted February 19, 2012 Share Posted February 19, 2012 I think you are driving yourself nuts for no reason. Look man its quite simple, we all have choices at the end of the day. Block it and move on. Assume she is with another man if that helps but wanting to see her hurt is a little strange. How do you know she is not hurt considering you broke up with her? Seriously stop the fb stalking, its doing you no good. Link to comment
Tezza Posted February 19, 2012 Share Posted February 19, 2012 Yes! FB is just soo irritating. My bf just removed his "in a relationship" status to blank. So it doesn't say anything. Could this be a removal for privacy reasons or to appear single on his FB? I don't know. He just added some girls to his account and I don't know if they are colleagues or what? Like who is is trying to impress? I might be looking into it a bit much, but who knows? I have been cheated on before, so I am just a bit anxious. Hey OP. I have been there too. Just block your ex. It is the best for you. You just have to realise that it doesn't help if you find out what your ex is up to. It is like an addiction, you have to take it one day at a time. It gets easier over time... Link to comment
Zack808 Posted February 19, 2012 Author Share Posted February 19, 2012 Yeah, I realize it is FB stalking. I guess that's true, why would I want to see her hurt. I would expect her to move on with her life, the relationship is over, she should be doing whatever she needs to do to move on and be happy again. At the same time , I should be doing the same. Don't get me wrong though, i'm maintaining to NC, focusing on my goals but realize now that FB stalking was not helping me at all. Link to comment
msphlyer Posted February 19, 2012 Share Posted February 19, 2012 Here's the problem with facebook..its wwwaaayyy too easy to misinterpret and assume things. I definitely did a little stalking after the first week of the first round of NC. I saw a picture of my ex with a girl and all these comments from people about things hed done.. I was all upset jumping to conclusions. Later on when we were talking again I found out that girl was his buddies girlfriend and he was actually going out a lot trying to deal with the breakup pain. We are NC again as he officially ended things and it would be easy to look but I know whatever I find may not mean a thing and its wasteful thinking. Self control is all you can do. Build new habit patterns and see how long you can go without. Link to comment
dino9401 Posted February 19, 2012 Share Posted February 19, 2012 I have a life on FB without my ex. I haven't deleted her, but I've been good at not checking her profile. I've blocked all of her updates, but I'm not going to delete my account and all my friends I have on there for the satisfaction of her. Just have some self control. Link to comment
Sammy6 Posted February 19, 2012 Share Posted February 19, 2012 Someone on here wrote this not too long ago and I saved it because it explains my ex to a tee! People will post pics, status updates, and whatever else to PROJECT what they want the "Facebook Universe" to see - it could be the complete opposite of how they really feel...and posting pics you will see is a mind game....so take yourself out of that torture device ASAP, ok? my ex did it early on, knowing full well it would get back to me...and it did...and it crushed my spirit, or what was left of it, anyway. Facebook = pain Link to comment
force Posted February 19, 2012 Share Posted February 19, 2012 I think if you have a facebook you should hide your friends and your relationship status, less drama. Link to comment
MissieP Posted February 19, 2012 Share Posted February 19, 2012 Yes it can ( It certainly did drive me mad) I always stalked his GF facebook since he blocked me or something no idea what he did but I cannot see his posts,photos but I still am his friend. Anyways... I stalked his GF facebook all the time wondering what she was up to with him but then it finally came down to you know what? I DO NOT CARE! He is her problem now and all his issues are her problem and whatever she does is not my business anymore. I promise one day you will finally say I do not care...... Link to comment
Zack808 Posted February 19, 2012 Author Share Posted February 19, 2012 After a late night run to get my head straight, I decided to deactivate my FB account. It was addicting to check up on her and it did give me that temporary fix, so to say. Did I feel better after I did it, hell no, it made me feel like I was back to square one. I need to heal, I need to move on, it hurts at times but in the longrun I know I will be happier and better person. In a way I felt like that was all I had left of her, a damn page, but then again, I think it's time for me to let her go completely.... Link to comment
dumPI Posted February 19, 2012 Share Posted February 19, 2012 NC is NC ... NC is not I am not talking to her or responding to her. NC is also I'm not knowing ANYTHING about her and that includes FB. The reason? Everytime you know something you are setting yourself back and thus delaying your healing. Link to comment
secondchance67 Posted February 19, 2012 Share Posted February 19, 2012 Someone on here wrote this not too long ago and I saved it because it explains my ex to a tee! "People will post pics, status updates, and whatever else to PROJECT what they want the "Facebook Universe" to see - it could be the complete opposite of how they really feel...and posting pics you will see is a mind game....so take yourself out of that torture device ASAP, ok? my ex did it early on, knowing full well it would get back to me...and it did...and it crushed my spirit, or what was left of it, anyway." that was my quote....and i stand by it. my ex never posted status updates....we were broken up for 6 weeks and she has posted alot of them....all pointing at how happy she is now, pics of her drinking...vague updates as to her weekend plans, ect......and you know what? its all BS. The ex's in our lives know we can get that info...even if we deleted/blacked/unfriended them....because our "common friends" will see it, and tell us. its actually a form of "metal terrorism" in my view; they post stuff to make themselves look happy post-breakup, so that they can convince the "Facebook Universe" that they are doing OK...they made the right decisions to leave us, etc....and as a by product, they hope we see it, hear about it, or it affects us in someway to make sure we still think about them.......how immature is that? IMHO, if I am doing OK, feeling good and secure in my life, I don't need to post that to the world. To me, doing that is telling a keen person, one who knows about your breakup, just the opposite: you are trying too hard to show everyone its all good and you are happy. said before, will say it again: Facebook = pain Link to comment
Guitarguy_82 Posted February 19, 2012 Share Posted February 19, 2012 I would like to add Twitter to the list. Regarding FB: I deleted my ex more than a month ago on FB and I noticed my FB activity started to go down as well. Didn't check it out as much, didn't post things...etc. I have to resist the urge to look her up and "stalk" her because I know: a) it will absolutely kill me to see a picture of her; b) she also keeps her profile public (she's a FB addict and loves attention...) and i don't want to know how "happy" she is, fake happiness or not. Back to my Twitter point though, I turned to Twitter to replace FB and my need to be "connected" with the outside world. To me it's more disposable and easy to detach from. That being said though I made the silly mistake today of looking to see if my ex had a Twitter account. I could even hear myself in my head, as I was typing out her name in the search bar: "what are you doing!? stop looking for her!"...and then pressed Enter. And sure enough there she is with her own account, and of course I clicked on it to see her feed. Luckily there wasn't anything there since about 6 months ago, so she doesn't actively use it. However, just seeing that it was there and existed was an unnecessary punch to the gut that I could have gone without. It is definitely hard to resist those urges...but it is all a part of the letting go process. This person is no longer in our lives to provide comfort or support or whatever the situation was: they're gone. Seeing them or knowing what they are up to won't get you any closer to them. If anything it hurts more because you know you aren't close to them and yet there they are being oh-so-happy. We have to make conscious efforts to move on and find other ways to occupy our time. Link to comment
Lonewing Posted February 19, 2012 Share Posted February 19, 2012 Yeah, I realize it is FB stalking. I guess that's true, why would I want to see her hurt. I would expect her to move on with her life, the relationship is over, she should be doing whatever she needs to do to move on and be happy again. At the same time , I should be doing the same. Don't get me wrong though, i'm maintaining to NC, focusing on my goals but realize now that FB stalking was not helping me at all. You must realize that every day you look at her facebook profile, you violate your No Contact rule. So you have treuly not invoked No Contact until you have accepted Faacebook - even just looking at her profile - as part of "Contact." You can get there, you just have to be stronger than who you were. Link to comment
MissieP Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 Secondchance you and I seem to be on the same wavelength Link to comment
secondchance67 Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 Secondchance you and I seem to be on the same wavelength MissieP, As long as we all realize that Facebook is a tool used by our ex's to manipulate the world into seeing, thinking and BELIEVING that they are fine, loving life and are over us completely, we will all be OK...... It can really screw with the "new dumpee" ; it can reinforce negative thoughts that may not be true - like the ex is over us, moved on, happy, has someone new, etc. The new dumpee could lose their motivation to stay No contact, reach out , and be hurt even more as a result of over-thinking a Facebook post, a photo, a change in relationship status, and on and on. And it bears repeating: Our ex's know we have the potential to see this info, and it wouldn't surprise me at all if the more immature or emotional distressed ex's post stuff for this very purpose alone...to get a reaction from us, the dumpees. I FRIGGIN' HATE FACEBOOK AND ALL IT STANDS FOR FOR THIS REASON ALONE - IT IS NOT THE REAL WORLD, IT IS A PLOY AND A MASK FOR YOU TO SHOW THE WORLD WHAT YOU WANT THEM TO SE....AND IN REALITY, IT COULD BE THE EXACT OPPOSITE !! Just my 2 cents.... Link to comment
MissieP Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 Yup...... Our exes want to believe that everything is sunny and birds are chirping all over the place and the new girlfriend is oh so happy which very much might be the case but ahh..... We all remember what they did and we remember who they are so really it doesn't matter and facebook is just childish games and it is so high school IMHO. Like I said in the past it bothered me what his girlfriend posted and how la la la I am happy but come on don't kid someone sure you are happy right now but let's wait until a few months down the road and see how happy you are. I said it once and I will say it again leopards never change their spots and people can say how they have changed but when it really comes down to it no one changes overnight and you can only pretend for so long and eventually the real person who we all know will come out. Link to comment
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