Nickles Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 After a month LC I met up with him. We were together for 5 years. I'm still in love with him, very much. I got dressed up and went to our house. We're renting together and some of my stuff is still there. Our lease is up at the end of April so he's staying until then. So I arrived and he was telling me all about the new car he had bought. I thought I was calling to the house and maybe go for a short spin in the car. He suggests dinner. So we go for a long drive and chat about the car and our mutual love for dubstep music. I chose a place for dinner that we had never been to and that I thought I wouldn't bump into anyone I know. The setting ended up being romantic and we had a nice time chatting. A great time....nothing personal just about life. We then go and collect his sister who is staying up with him for the weekend as she's seeing friends in the city we live in. It's my first time meeting her since the break up and she is very very friendly with me. He suggests coffee back and the house so I have coffee...then I notice he has taken down pics of me so I got upset. We spoke in private then. I cried. I did not say I loved him still nor did I ask to get back together but I did say sorry and ask was the break up my fault. I believe it was as I had become self absorbed due to stress. He said let's not talk about this. I had an amazing day with you today and enjoyed telling you all about the car. I cried a bit more and said sorry and that I should leave. He said it's understandable that I'm upset and we can't expect to be the best of friends all of a sudden. So I left....not in a tantrum but in a smiling through tears kind of way. I text when I get home saying, "I had a wonderful day but we shouldn't have gone back to the house as it overwhelmed me" he wrote back saying, "yeah me too" so I wrote back saying, "I think the best thing would be for us to get the house sorted right away. We can divide our stuff and discuss what's mine and what's yours. Then after that we should take a break and maybe catch up after a while when we're not feeling raw and meet somewhere neutral" He wrote back saying, "sure that's great. I'll ask my sister to be out of the house for a while tomorrow." So I said, "We'll just get it done, not talk about anything heavy and it will be easier to meet in a few weeks." He said, "sure sounds great. I'll see you when you get down tomorrow". My dad thinks we'll reconcile but that we won't live together for a long long time. I think the same but I don't think we have any chances of knowing how we feel about each other while I still have stuff in the house and a tie to him like that. I think if we don't get back together this will be the right thing to do also. My question to you is....am I doing the right thing here...moving out so quick? Or does it look mean or spiteful. The last thing I want to do is hurt either of us or play games. Link to comment
chitown9 Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 No, it was not mean and quick...and he agreed to it, so what's the problem? it sounds like you ae overthinking things.. ....chi Link to comment
Nickles Posted February 18, 2012 Author Share Posted February 18, 2012 I am totally over thinking things aren't I? I think I just need to vent about it to be honest and I've had an emotionally exhausting day. It helps writing things down and not having it whirl around in my head. I also like hearing what other people's opinion on the meeting was. I'm absolutely heart broken but do not want it to eat away at me and I certainly don't want to appear clingy or desperate. If it's meant to be we'll find a way back and I don't want to damage either of us in the process. Link to comment
charity Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 i think you are handling it well. you are doing the right thing tomorrow, hope it goes okay you. also he seems quite understanding so i don't think you need to worry it seeming spiteful or mean. Link to comment
Nickles Posted February 18, 2012 Author Share Posted February 18, 2012 Anyone else have any views on this? Link to comment
Nickles Posted February 19, 2012 Author Share Posted February 19, 2012 Thanks Charity. I'll let you all know how tomorrow goes. He's a very understanding guy. It's bizarre being back home at the age of 29 but my parents are being great and giving me great advice. Link to comment
rigas Posted February 19, 2012 Share Posted February 19, 2012 I think it sounds like you handled this really well! Of course you are going to be emotional, it's natural, and from what you explained you both handled it well. Moving out sounds like the right thing to do if you are both in agreement and it's great that you have a good support system (your parents). I've leaned on my mom a lot during my breakup and know how wonderful it is to have that support and reassurance. It sounds like you'll be fine tomorrow given how well most of your day with him went, and now you know what topics to avoid to help you get through the process of sorting your stuff. I'm not sure if this helps or hinders, but I always remind myself that nothing is definite and I don't know what the future holds. Link to comment
Nickles Posted February 19, 2012 Author Share Posted February 19, 2012 Thanks Rigas. I have lost 20lbs since the break up in January and have another 20 to lose. I think he noticed how great I look. I'm planning on just focusing on exercise and walks with friends. Then meet up with him in a month. I'm really hoping to give it another shot as I can't see him with anyone else...in the sense that I know him and he's very very picky and I know I have everything he needs and that will never change. However I know this is right for now and I need to get myself back and he needs to get himself back. I totally agree that nothing is definite. My grandparents apparently had a massive argument, broke up, never saw each other until 4 years later and they got back together and lived happily ever after. I'm hoping for the best but preparing myself for the worst. Link to comment
Nickles Posted February 19, 2012 Author Share Posted February 19, 2012 Today I got my stuff back. It was very very hard but I held my head up high and even though we were both upset we were also both really enjoying just being together. Time will tell and time will heal. One way or another. This person is amazing, kind and for me. Just not right now. Virtual hugs needed! Link to comment
charity Posted February 19, 2012 Share Posted February 19, 2012 that was a tough day. this is the start of something new for you now, hopefully in the future it will be with him. VIRTUAL HUGS BEING SENT!!! Link to comment
rigas Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 Lots of virtual hugs - I'm glad you made it through the day! Thanks Rigas. I have lost 20lbs since the break up in January and have another 20 to lose. I think he noticed how great I look. I'm planning on just focusing on exercise and walks with friends. That's wonderful! Having a goal always helps, especially when it's a healthy one. I've been hitting the gym consistently and I know it has helped my mindset a lot. Best therapy ever IMO. However I know this is right for now and I need to get myself back and he needs to get himself back. Yes! Focus on the now and you and everything else will take care of itself. My grandparents apparently had a massive argument, broke up, never saw each other until 4 years later and they got back together and lived happily ever after. I love stories like these! I'm hoping for the best but preparing myself for the worst. When I start thinking about how things aren't going to work out the way I want them to, that's when I *try* to switch my focus to the present and remind myself that I don't know what's going to happen. And if you work hard on making 'now' as good as it can be, whenever the future arrives and things are decided you'll be in a much better place to deal with anything. Thanks for your posts - your mindset seems similar to mine and it's nice to come accross a pragmatic optimist . Link to comment
Nickles Posted February 20, 2012 Author Share Posted February 20, 2012 Thanks a million. Fingers crossed things will work out. I'm not sure again....I'm going through a mad range of emotions. I really miss him today. that was a tough day. this is the start of something new for you now, hopefully in the future it will be with him. VIRTUAL HUGS BEING SENT!!! Link to comment
Nickles Posted February 20, 2012 Author Share Posted February 20, 2012 I tried replying and it didn't show so apologies if it duplicates. I do love the term pragmatic optimist. Missing him terribly today. Time will tell. I just know we're right for each other....aarrrggghhh. If I had that niggling feeling we weren't then things might be better. We'll see what happens. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.