cll424 Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 Its a bit complicated, but here's my situation. I've been seeing this guy for over a month, and we get along so well, we both like each other a lot. However he had told me he wanted to take it slow, because he doesn't want a relationship for the next couple months until he finishes school (which i was ok with, I want to take it slow too). Last week, i brought up exclusivity. Silly of me, I had a assumed that we were both dating exclusively, but i was wrong: he has been sleeping with other girls, (though not dating anyone else, even if he has the right). He really believes we're not exclusive if we're not in a relationship. So,i freaked out, because i felt like he isn't truly interested in having a relationship with me later on (though i told him i only date with the hope of having a relationship), and that i wasn't important to him or that i wasn't enough. He thinks I was hurt because I want a relationship now, but i really don't right now, i'm just getting to know him. But I thought seeing someone who likes you involved a bit more consideration, respect and involvement? I recognize that it was wrong of me to assume where we stood, and he apologized too for our miscommunication. It took me a lot of effort to understand his point of view on exclusivity and Im ok with it now (even if i don't agree), but now we still have to talk about it, because he told me it's my decision, ball's in my court. I still want to see where it goes with him, i really like him and I know he cares about me and he still wants to see me too. Now i know my limits on non-exclusivity, but: How do I fix it after i freaked out and after he thinks i'm looking for commitment right away? How do I talk to him and fix things, in a way that will give us a chance for a future relationship? Thanks in advance! Link to comment
DylanNotorious Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 I'd move on. Because at the end of the day, all your going to commit too - is him sleeping with other girls. Link to comment
capuccino83 Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 In my experience, guys who care about me don't go around sleeping with other girls, whether or not we are in a relationship. My boyfriend stopped dating other girls months before we were official. Link to comment
DylanNotorious Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 To be honest, if you were "the one" or he at least liked you enough to see where this could go - those other girls wouldn't even be in the picture. But he's cunning, because he's trying to paint the picture that without "exclusivity" there are no rules - but he is mistaken. And you feel it inside, that the way he's operating is crap. Link to comment
cll424 Posted February 18, 2012 Author Share Posted February 18, 2012 I understand that, that's what my friends tell me and that was my initial reaction. But he has done things that he wouldn't have done if he didn't, having to do with some of my personal issues and health concerns. Plus, we're not having sex together, and he didn't want to have sex with me right away either. It's so conflicting... But I do agree with what you say, it's not because we're not in a relationship that there aren't any rules either, or that's how i see it... Link to comment
Moontiger Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 Your making excuses for him. I move on. Link to comment
EmmaB78 Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 I agree with the others - there isn't anything here to "fix." Tell him to call you when he stops sleeping with other chicks. Link to comment
capuccino83 Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 I understand that, that's what my friends tell me and that was my initial reaction. But he has done things that he wouldn't have done if he didn't, having to do with some of my personal issues and health concerns. Plus, we're not having sex together, and he didn't want to have sex with me right away either. It's so conflicting... But I do agree with what you say, it's not because we're not in a relationship that there aren't any rules either, or that's how i see it... So what, last winter someone broke into my friend's car, where I had left some cash, my phone, keys and jacket. They broke the window, took the cash and phone, but left my jacket and placed the keys in one of my pockets. By your reasoning, because the thief was decent enough to leave my keys so that I can get back inside my apartment instead of freezing at 4 am in Feb trying to figure out how to get back inside, they didn't do anything wrong. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 How do I talk to him and fix things, in a way that will give us a chance for a future relationship? I can't see where there's anything to fix. He did make it clear from the beginning that he wanted to take it slow, as well as not looking for a relationship, at this time. It's your call as to whether to continue seeing him, but I doubt this will go anywhere. As they say, when someone says they're not looking for a relationship...believe them! Link to comment
cll424 Posted February 18, 2012 Author Share Posted February 18, 2012 hm you've given me lots to think about. thanks everyone! Link to comment
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