Just venting

[mrtango]

We dated 2 years. We chose our rings. I told her that I will propose when she will be in Europe for her study. She told me she will always say "yes". 2 weeks after, she's gone abroad and soon dumped me. The official reason was that she fell out of love... After that she made things which made me realize that the real reason was that she wanted a classy/expensive life...

 

She erased me completely from her life... She cut all contact immediately and started to party as if nothing happened. I am a guy who didn't exist at all...

 

I disappeared from the Earth. I quit my job, I went abroad. I avoid all reminders in order to heal. I focused on myself. I am on the path of healing.

 

Now she twits that she searches for a rich husband. As far as I know, she's a completely different person now. I am sad and sorry for us. I am in strict NC and I will not break it but my heart is totally broken inside.

 

I know that I wrote about it before, but there I had suggestions, now I have her twits which are her own words and it's killing me... How anyone can change to that extent? Do you know similar stories?

 

It still hurts me even after 7 months. I just needed to vent... Thank you for reading because writing helps me.

[secondchance67]

mrtango,

 

You have been kind enough to post a comment or two on my posts, so i will return do the same for you my friend.

 

Honesty is the best policy, right?

My take on this will be brutal, but honest - take no offense, OK?

 

She is not who you though she was....she is DEFINITELY not the girl now that you fell in love with back then some 2 years ago.

 

The reality is, she is a gold-digger....she wants to be well taken care of by a man - a rich man...she is only concerned with the material aspects of life, and what she can have as a result - money, big house, jewelry, etc.

 

None of that is worth a shizzt if it isn't accompanied by love, compassion, and a true partner in life to share it all with.

 

You dodged a bullet buddy - plain and simple.

 

Think of it this way:

 

She marries you.

You don't give her all the stuff she THINKS is important - the stuff she sees in magazines, the "Kardashian life" some women wish they had.....and her discontent makes it hard for your relationship to remain healthy as a rsult.

She picks fights; wants to go away on expensive vacations, wants lavish presents and a house well out of your means to afford.

You try, maybe even work 2 jobs to give the love of your life what she wants; you work and work and work...spending every dime on her and her whims.

 

You burn out on the work, and the constant pressure to keep her happy with material things...because there will never be enough things you could buy her - she will always want the newest car....the latest pocketbook, etc.

 

You go broke - both financially and EMOTIONALLY.

 

She sEes that you are at the end of your rope, and she asks for a divorce...cheats, and puts her hooks into a new guy...that "rich husband" she wanted all along that you tried to be.

 

What would have in the end?

 

She would be gone, you would be in debt...heartbroken and alone.

 

From my side of the fence - you came out on the winning side of this....noty that losing your love is winning, but in the scheme of things, you are better off .

 

Vent it brother....PM if you to.

 

Keep your head up...stay the course....she isn't worth it...its HER LOSS !!

 

 

oh, one more thing :

 

DELETE THAT F***KING TWITTER FEED...GET OFF THE SOCIAL MEDIA!!

 

I SAID IT BEFORE:

 

SOCIAL MEDIA = PAIN

[mrtango]

Secondchance, no offense taken. I thank you for your honest/brutal reply and I must add that I like your honesty.

 

You're right! She showed me after breakup that she's not the one. When someone show us her true colors, we should be able to see it. I see. But the thing is, I can't accept the fact that she (who I love very much and I did everything for) became/was a golddigger... It's like the person I love has died and someone else took charge of her mind and body.

 

In fact, I am not in social media, but one friend told me that I should see it, that's how I saw these twits...

 

Thank you very much. I really appreciate your reply. I needed to write my feelings and I needed this answer... It's always good to vent...

[secondchance67]

We are blind to seeing the REAL them - the person they are and became as the relationship went on; it happens slowly over time...its human nature - people change - their values, beliefs, what they want out of life.

My ex was so brutal with me at the end - the things she said, the indifference and heartless way she told me all those things that are tattooed on my soul....it was like i was introduced the the REAL her in those last 2 days....and the rest of the 6 years she wore a mask...hid the real her...and brought the real her out at the moment when she felt she didn't need to mask it or hide it any longer - because she felt NOTHING for me, so it was easy to just let her guard down and be who she really was inside the whole time.

 

Part of really letting of is acceptance; don't beat yourself up too much on not being able to get around it.

 

hang in there....you know it will ( and already has because you are free of her) get better in time.

[OldSoul86]

mrtango,

 

You've been such an inspiration to me on ENA, I'm honored to return the favor and offer you some advice. I'm terribly sorry that you still feel hurt by what your ex did to you. I know the pain you are going through all too well, as you know my ex completely removed me from her life as well. I was not as far along as you with respect to your relationship, but I had the thought of marriage in my mind as well with my ex, and she did too. As difficult as it might be, you really do need to realize that it is better that she left you after two years instead of dragging the relationship on longer. You may be broken hearted right now, but imagine the pain you would have been subjected to if you ended up marrying your ex and then she decided to pull this stunt on you. You would have been in a tremendous amount of pain having invested even more time and emotional energy with her.

 

If your ex is actively seeking a "rich" man to take care of her then I am sorry to say, and I mean no disrespect to your ex - she is a gold digging [five letter word]. I've read your posts on ENA, I know that you value yourself, and hold yourself to a higher moral standard. Gold digging is nothing but seeking out the superficial. If she thinks that a relationship with a man that is going to shower her with gifts is more meaningful than a loving, nurturing, and respectful relationship, then she is not the woman for you. Some people change, and leave their past behind to pursue a life that may not necessarily be worth living. Your ex made that choice, she has nothing to do with you anymore - and frankly, you should be thankful for that. You deserve better, you are a kind, and loving man - if she cannot appreciate it then it is HER loss. Always remember that YOU are the prize. She is the one who is missing out on being in your life!

 

My ex fell out of love with me as well, what we need to remember about these type of people is that they may not understand how to receive love, or may be too emotionally immature to be in an adult relationship. For whatever reason, they may not have the life experience to fully understand what love is and how to reciprocate it. Love is more than what is on the surface, it is a feeling deep down inside yourself, if they cannot accept love from someone then sadly it is their loss. Please do not let this unfortunate situation get you down, know that there ARE women out there who will appreciate a man like you. You are an emotionally mature individual that is capable of giving and receiving love, there are women out there who LONG for a man who knows how to treat them right.

 

Please ask your friend not to tell you about your ex's life at all. You don't need to know that information, she is in your past. If anything all it does is cause you additional pain, pain that you do not need. I asked my friends and even family not to tell me anything about my ex after we broke up. It has made the healing process a little bit easier because you can focus on your healing from the breakup, and not have to worry about dissecting her actions after the breakup.

 

Please feel free to private message me if you need to. I am always willing to offer advice! Just remember that people at ENA are here to support you.

 

OldSoul

[mrtango]

We are blind to seeing the REAL them - the person they are and became as the relationship went on; it happens slowly over time...its human nature - people change - their values, beliefs, what they want out of life.

Secondchance, you're right, love sometimes create a blindness and we don't see the flaws of the beloved. Now I see her true colors and I am sad for her and for us. There were two person who loved each other and created something special. She chose to destroy this. She changed a lot and the person whom I loved doesn't exist anymore. I know that and it's the sad part.

 

My ex was so brutal with me at the end (...) because she felt NOTHING for me, so it was easy to just let her guard down and be who she really was inside the whole time.

Yes, dumpers do it sometimes in order to be able to cut every emotional tie which lasted between you. My ex was not brutal, she was crying when she dumped me. She dumped me on skype and when she closed it, I was alone with my desktop picture of her who smiles to me... That was really hard to swallow because even the breakup day she had told me that I am the one and she loves me so much etc. It was out of blue for me.

I think I would rather prefer to see her brutal face instead of a girl who cries when she was dumping me. But I knw that it's never easy...

 

Part of really letting of is acceptance; don't beat yourself up too much on not being able to get around it.

I accepted that we will no longer be together. I accepted that she didn't dump me for someone else, if she did so I could tell a tale about attraction or gigs. But it's not the case. It was a calculated and rehearsed decision. Now I must accept that she changed to this extent.

 

hang in there....you know it will ( and already has because you are free of her) get better in time.

I know that one day my mind and my heart will be free of pain. I think it's a long journey full of obstacles and difficulties. You can also pm me when ever you want. You are not alone in your journey. I hope that you will also heal... I thank you for your kind reply.

[mrtango]

OldSoul, I am really thankful for your kind words. It means a lot to me right now.

 

You're right about everything you wrote: I know now that I would not be happy if we were married after all because she puts more value to material things than me. She wants a classy life, someone can have passions like this and she has right to change. I think when her desires beat her love, she chose a different path and now she's pursuing it. It's her choice. I respected that even if it's hard to swallow.

 

Now, I realize that she was not "the one". She was someone different than I thought. So I must accept it.

 

You're right about receiving love: I give it from my heart and if she doesn't now its true value (because it looks like for free), if she doesn't understand my true value (because she measured it by looking at how much money I earn), it means that she doesn't deserve my love.

 

You're also right about my friend: I asked him politely not to mention again my ex (unless there is an emergency that I can help) and I told him that she can do whatever she wants because it's over.

 

I thank you OldSoul, you can also pm me whenever you want. I hope everything will get better.