Are these good places to meet women?

[AMWHOIAM]

So, I stated in a previous thread that I was going to "totally write women off" which was totally uncalled for because I grouped the women in the town that I currently live in together with women from all over the country which was unfair. With that being said, allow me to explain. I am a 30 y/o guy who has never had a gf and/or a serious relationship with anyone and it has been 100% INVOLUNTARY that things have turned out this way for me. While growing up, I had a verbally and physically abusive father who moved me, my mom, and my sister on three separate occasions to different cities/towns in the southeast. Moreover, due to a lack of monetary and moral support from my father, I had to join the U.S. Marine Corps after high school versus getting to go to college directly after high school which is why I am just now about to graduate with my BA degree in a couple of semesters. So, I currently live in CO Springs, CO which is a "city" of roughly 500,000 people and have found that there exists no dating scene in this town whatsoever. The only people who date here are young men and women who grew up together here and/or went to junior high and high school together. In other words, its extremely cliquish to say the least. So, I've tried online dating here and it turned out to be a horrible experience for me. Also, I should note that I attend the cu satellite campus in co springs and all of the young women on my campus are all dating some guy that they already know from high school. Moreover, I have tried making eye contact with women both at the gym and out in public places such as the mall, walmart, target, bars, etc, etc and most women act like I am not even there. I have been told that you can supposedly make small talk with women out in public places in order to meet them, but I have found that that doesn't work where I live. In fact, I saw a very attractive lady while out shopping tonight and looked her straight in the eyes, but I couldn't even get so much as a smile out of her. Women in co spgs, co are either too stuck up for their own good OR they are so reserved that they give the impression that they are snooty and/or think that their s*** doesn't stink. I should take cultural differences into consideration though. I am from the southeastern United States and let me tell you something. Southern American women will smile, make eye contact, and are NOT afraid to let a man know when and if they are interested in him and/or find him attractive EVEN IF YOU ARE A TOTAL STRANGER THAT THEY JUST MET WHILE AT THE GROCERY STORE. So, perhaps I am simply expecting too much out of these colorado women. With that being said, where should I go to look for single women in light of the aforementioned information that I have just stated? Thanks in advance for your help!

[annie24]

dance classes, yoga, knitting, book discussion clubs, book stores. places where women go! wine tasting classes. cooking classes.

[abitbroken]

I moved around a lot too - 10 times. So I beat you. I was married and now I am in a relationship. Granted I was a very late bloomer because i didn't grow up knowing a particular group of young people to naturally start to date but eventually i found 3 different men in my life to go out with - so its not all lost. (oh, and one blind date).

 

Keep in mind that not all women are snooty.

Women who appear standoffish

1) Could have had a bad day.

2) Could have low self confidence and are shy so come off as snooty.

3) Don't know you yet.

4) Are nervous.

5) Are preoccupied.

 

I can appear standoffish once in awhile but can appear friendly and open an hour later.

 

I will tell you that shopping is not a good way to meet women unless you are 16. When I shop, I am a little guarded because there are folks who are pickpockets out there. I am aware of my surrounding and watch my purse. HOWEVER, if you were to meet me at an antique fair, a car swap meet, etc, I am way more likely to talk to you (you meaning an eligible guy or anyone else I meet). have had a lot of great convos with a guy who I run into periodically because he is after what I am after and there is a little friendly competition. We are both not available so there is nothing to pursue, but I have a new friendly aquaintance. I would suggest taking what you are interested in and participating in it, whether that means joining a club or going to exhibitions. When you start to see the same bunch of people a lot at the things, you start to get to know people and if you are an unattached guy who comes alone or just comes with other guys, words gets around.

 

I have a friend who met her husband in a Bible study group and another one that met her husband at a group that fundraises for a particular cause and another that met her boyfriend doing the annual bird count. None of them dated the first meeting, but got used to seeing eachother around and gradually started to date after awhile.

 

The best thing you can do are things where you are naturally having a good time or feel accomplished because when you are having a good time, are intereested in something or feel a sense of accomplishment you are at your best.

 

ANy woman who is actually very nice can appear standoffish until you break the ice, and ice breaking for most guys/gals just doesn't happen with someone coming up to them out of the blue.

[abitbroken]

btw, my parents didn't pay a cent for college. Well, they were able to buy me a book for my first class but other than that, I had to do it on my own so that doesn't prevent you from meeting someone either. In fact, I would say most people who are from below the poverty line to lower middle class to maybe mid-middle class have the same scenario unless they have an awesome scholarship. And of course, there is financial aid. Not as many parents as you think can pay for 100% of college. My parents were able to pay for the first semeseter of each year for my brother who is a LOT younger than me, and the rest was made up for with him working over the summer, and breaks, etc.

[AMWHOIAM]

btw, my parents didn't pay a cent for college. Well, they were able to buy me a book for my first class but other than that, I had to do it on my own so that doesn't prevent you from meeting someone either. In fact, I would say most people who are from below the poverty line to lower middle class to maybe mid-middle class have the same scenario unless they have an awesome scholarship. And of course, there is financial aid. Not as many parents as you think can pay for 100% of college. My parents were able to pay for the first semeseter of each year for my brother who is a LOT younger than me, and the rest was made up for with him working over the summer, and breaks, etc.

 

Hey, just wanted to say thanks for your advice! In terms of my parents (specifically my "dad") not being able to pay for my college education that isn't the main issue that I have with that. The main issue lies in the fact that my abusive father talked me into joining an organization which turned out to be a TOTAL waste of what COULD have been five good years of my life. Joining the United States Marine Corps is a complete waste of time and does NOT prepare a young man or woman for life WHEN THEY GET OUT OF THE MILITARY. Indeed, while it is true that alot of parents don't have the money to pay for their childrens' college education, they can nonetheless STEER THEIR CHILDREN in that direction by persuading/encouraging them to go to college and to seek out the necessary financial aid, student loans, etc in order to MAKE IT HAPPEN. I honestly regret joining the Marine Corps and I hate it when someone says "thank you for your service" as I take it as a "slap in the face" because veterans face severe discrimination in terms of their ability to obtain jobs after leaving the military. In fact, being a U.S. military veteran is almost as bad as having a felony conviction on one's record in the eyes of potential employers. One need only look up "veteran unemployment rates" via google or any other search engine in order to verify what I just said. Again, thank you for your advice on meeting women!

[Wayfara]

I'm kind of from a culture like you describe CO Springs. I don't think the women you mentioned tried to rude, they probably just felt a bit strange as they are not used with strangers seeking eye contact or smiling at them in the grocery store. The thing is you see not smiling/seeking eye contact as rude but to them that's politness, the way they show they respect your privacy.

 

I think signing up for a class is a good idea. Anything where you would get to know people gradually over time could work.

[abitbroken]

Hey, just wanted to say thanks for your advice! In terms of my parents (specifically my "dad") not being able to pay for my college education that isn't the main issue that I have with that.

 

But you keep bringing it up, so obviously you think it means something.

 

The main issue lies in the fact that my abusive father talked me into joining an organization which turned out to be a TOTAL waste of what COULD have been five good years of my life.

 

You are just upset that it didn't lead you to meeting a future wife. That is not the marines fault. The military can teach organization, discipline and work ethic. There are people who are unemployed military that would be unemployed if they hadn't been in teh military and there are people who always land on their feet and the military actually increased their viability as a job candidate.

 

I think your biggest hurdle if you are talking employment is your attitude. You have listed, about meeting women adn etc, every possible reason why you didn't or can't. You have never mentioned anything positive that has happened. Someone can have had an identical life to you and somehow believe the glass is half empty. Parents didn't pay for college? You learned self sufficiency. Didn't sleep around with girls in your late teens and early 20s? You avoided getting anyone pregnant and when you meet a young woman, some women are looking for a man who never married and doesn't have kids from women who never married so that increases your dating pool.

 

Signed up for the military? You avoided all the drunken debauchery that your friends got into when they were 19-22 and avoided all that nonsense. You might have learned some discipline and other skills, too, if you will admit it.

 

You could have gone to the financial aid office and steered your self. How do all these people who are the first person in their family to go to college manage to do it when their folks have no clue how to go about it? that's how.

 

Who cares what "statistics" say. "statistics" say I should be dead right now, but I am not.

 

So, for once, why not try to look at the bright side or find some kernel of your life you are grateful for. Attitude goes a long way in everything and women who are looking for a future with a guy, unless they have emotional issues where they pursue unavailable men who make them miserable and sad prefer to date a man who is hopeful, enjoys life, and is grateful for the blessings in it, than to date a man who thinks the world owes him, thinks his parents shortchanged him in every way and thinks everything up until now has been a mistake.

 

If you think you are negative because of an abusive past, seek counseling or support groups, but don't blame the military or the women of the earth. I am not poking fun, I am being sincere. I had an ex where it was always someone else's fault. It was his parents fault for not having a good marriage that caused him to divorce me. It was his ex girlfriend's fault why he lost his condo because she dumped him and moved. The list goes on and on, when really the problem was that abuse caused the divorce and poor money management and gambling lost the condo.

 

Anyway, if you want to meet women, get straight with yourself first. WHen you are more whole and can see the good, someone else will too.

[Moontiger]

As a woman (for me personally at least) I find it a bit weird when a guy tries to talk to me in a public place where I am just go about my day. If I'm in a hurry and trying to get some milk I'm going to be a little miffed if some dude starts hitting on me. Second, since I have a "glass half full" view on life I seek the same in a partner.

 

These are the two areas where I can see you improving you chances with woman. Join some classes/groups where you can meet then organically and try to be more positive about life over all. Other people can pick up on your attitude and a negative one will turn woman away while a positive one will draw them to you.