StarGazer68 Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 Are there guys out there who would go far for sex? Like so far as to ask for exclusivity, make the relationship official/publicized on the net for all to see, and put in more than 5 dates with no sex? Are there guys out there who will put in all that kind of work for some booty? Also, are there guys out there who will wait months for sex until the girlfriend feels ready? The way my guy is acting is hard for me to figure out and has me wondering if it's all genuine because I'm not used to it. The guy I'm dating showers me with compliments left and right, sobbed in front of me while we watched a movie (which I couldn't help thinking was some kind of act or I'm just being too skeptical ), talked to me about plans for the future like going back home with him at the end of the year and other future plans, told me I could bring some of my things to his place to stay over (told me this even before I ever came to his place which freaked me out, though I didn't really say anything, he realized on his own and apologized), told me he is falling for me when we were getting hot and heavy and I had to move his hand away from places on my body, held me all night even though we didn't have sex...I'm sure there are more things I could come up with but those are some major things that I'm not used to that have me pondering. His actions and words in person would perhaps make more sense if he was also texting and calling me a good amount when we are apart, but he isn't. The first two weeks after we met, he texted me almost every hour trying to get to know me and trying to make plans to get together. Now, he seems to be pulling back with the texts. I have taken some initiative to text him things now to let him know I'm interested and want to talk to him, but I get responses hours later. And I know he could have responded because I know what days he works and he is good at getting back quickly to texts like he was when we first met. I guess I sound crazy or paranoid here but it's making me wonder if he is slowly pulling back after each time we get together because he realizes he isn't getting sex and it seems tougher to get it from me. He just doesn't text or call me much after we have an amazing time, it's like he kinda gets distant. It's really confusing me. I don't understand this coming from a guy who is claiming he is head over heels crazy about me, planning a future with me after knowing each other 4 weeks and going on 7 dates...yet doesn't text me much....I'm just confused. I'm worried I'm really just some sort of fun challenge and conquest to him. Anyone can shed some light? EDIT: I think I am showing signs of interest. I told him I miss him and want to kiss him many times. I have also texted him good night and good morning and sometimes not received a response and then even an explanation to why I didn't get a response. Link to comment
EgoJoe Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 This guy really likes you and knows he came on really strong and due to not getting it reciprocated has backed off. The fact that you think his crying was an act just drives the point home that showing your vulnerable side to a Woman is a big mistake. You need to realize that not everything is about you. Link to comment
memento Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 Maybe he doesn't think you that into him. Have you two talked about sex at all? Link to comment
guynextdoor Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 Did he tell you he loved you or its 2012 and the end of the world is coming in order to get into your pants? If not then he probably likes you and you're not showing any signs of interest. Link to comment
The_Seeker Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 To tell you the truth, if a guy overreacts that fast toward me when I explained to him, I would back off. Sure everyone puts on the best impression in the beginning, but seriously, he should respect what you are comfortable with. Most importantly, YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO YOURSELF what you are comfortable with. No guy would push a girl something she doesn't want to do just yet. Unless he does, he'll find himself another girl while you find yourself another guy. Link to comment
StarGazer68 Posted February 17, 2012 Author Share Posted February 17, 2012 Maybe he doesn't think you that into him. Have you two talked about sex at all? We have. I told him I am still skeptical of him and he said he may have noticed that. I told him that I was not sure if he just wants to get in my pants. He claims he isn't looking for sex right now and that he wants more. He said he doesn't want to have sex in the next relationship till he is in love with the person. And that he can wait till I feel the same way about him that he does for me. ....Which makes me think he means he is in love with me. But we've only been exclusive for a week! And known each other for almost 4. And he told me he wants to take things slow with me too just like I told him I do, but then he contradicts that when he practically plans our future together and practically tells me he is falling in love with me and to bring my stuff over his place. I need time to fall in love and though I have feelings for him, I need time to get to know him cause I don't want the whole infatuation love cause that's fake to me and can eventually mess it up from my experience cause you're not falling for the person but for how you feel with the person. And then you realize, you don't know the person that well. Link to comment
LDRohnos Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 Yes, my ex was very similar. I went a year and a half with her and she still didn't "believe" I was actually in love with her no matter how I tried to express it. She even went as far as to say that, "She cannot wait until the honeymoon phase of our relationship is over" because she didn't want to engage/hurt herself/feel vulnerable. I think that's where your issues come from, allowing yourself to be vulnerable because you fear that he isn't being genuine with you and is trying to play you. Apparently there is little trust. Don't skip over this phase of your relationship with him because you're scared that he's trying to manipulate you. Either accept it as truth or if you cannot trust him tell him to walk away. Don't walk the line between the two because eventually he's going to resent you for it and you're going to miss the boat and this relationship is going to go south, quickly. Link to comment
Blue Spiral Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 I'm willing to text/IM them and pay attention to them/flirt with them for a while. Unless there's a quick, positive response, I move on. That's about as much work as I'm willing to do. My rationale is simple: these women don't have anything invested in me, so there's no need to invest much in them, unless things go well. Link to comment
RadicalDreamer Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 Some guys will even go further. They'll hold open doors, completely change their interests, buy gifts and flowers. They'll also get a ring, set up a romantic date, get down on one knee and ask if she'll be his bride. Then after taking sacred, binding vows, he'll pledge to be faithful to her until death do they part. Love has a lot to do with it, but the chemicals that cause lust are also shaking hands with the emotions of love with a wink and a nod. But the most depraved, lunatic cases go thusly: Even if after a few years, she treats him rather badly, makes him feel 1" tall at times, he'll stay by her side as much to keep his vow and not feel like a villain, as because he realizes that after almost 10 years together, there's no other way he'll ever be able to have sex. Poor fools. (dedicated to my dear Uncle.) Link to comment
Sim54 Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 Ooooh goody, positive thinking!!!! Good luck with that! Link to comment
Blue Spiral Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 Ooooh goody, positive thinking!!!! Good luck with that! Or, alternately, realistic thinking, since it's apparently based on his Uncle's experience. Link to comment
RadicalDreamer Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 Poor guy. He's plum miserable over it, but refuses to do anything about it. During one bleak period for him, my parents even suggested considering a separation, even said they'd let him stay over at their house... but he simply won't have it. Oddly enough, it wasn't the trope of "married young" but actually quite the opposite, he basically felt like his time was running out. He's a great guy, and it's a bit of a pity that (according to him, anyway) they married for sex and now he's just hanging in there. *shrug* it takes all kinds, I suppose. (Sim54: considering some of the horror stories on here though, that is rather positive At least he gets sex, after all.) Link to comment
memento Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 Poor guy. He's plum miserable over it, but refuses to do anything about it. During one bleak period for him, my parents even suggested considering a separation, even said they'd let him stay over at their house... but he simply won't have it. Oddly enough, it wasn't the trope of "married young" but actually quite the opposite, he basically felt like his time was running out. He's a great guy, and it's a bit of a pity that (according to him, anyway) they married for sex and now he's just hanging in there. *shrug* it takes all kinds, I suppose. (Sim54: considering some of the horror stories on here though, that is rather positive At least he gets sex, after all.) Some women will you hostage with not giving it up.. By then its too late and not magical.. Link to comment
OrangeMoon Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 To the OP..there is really not much point in pondering whether someone is sincere with you or not, why they are pulling back or not, why they are coming on strong and if they are not..what's the reason for that.. To regain your sense of self and calmness it is best to focus on you. Your desires, your boundaries, what you are willing to give and experience. You can only work on YOU to be strong enough for whatever occasion you know.. You do not control how things go..you might want to. But you dont.. If you want to find love, you need to open up and just give. Some seeds will die and some will grow. You just have to be strong within you and knowledgeable within yourself that you will be able to move on as quickly as you can when it doesnt end the way you silently hoped.. So what if he wanted to have sex with you, so what if that is his aim (not saying it is)..but you are a grown woman, in control of herself..let yourself go and see where things go. Because you are trying to control an outcome you cant control anyway. You might have fun..you might experience a few very loving weeks with someone, you might even have a chance to live your short life to the fullest.. This one might be stepping back, because you didnt reciprocrate the same energy of interest. Maybe he has reached his point where its not worth it anymore to him. Time will tell. If you do get a second chance...let your natural energy flow and see where it ends. If you want to have a bigger chance of dating someone you 'know' is not after sex and wasting his time with you..be clear about your needs, desires and his expectations towards you..on the first date or latest the 2nd, stick with it and dont put yourself in sticky situations!..Why bother waiting and rejecting someone time and again for something you already know is under lock and key until you date over 8 times and/or feel very safe and comfortable with within an exclusive relationship? We all fear rejection...but dishing it everytime to someone, is not going to make you less of a victim of it yourself when the time comes.. Dont try to control an outcome you havent got any control over.. I wouldnt want to be with someone who runs the minute he has sex anyway..and yes guys can chase you for years if need be. But it could have also meant that it didnt live up to their build expectations of it or whatever selfish or non-selfish reason might be at the base of it all..Who knows... Link to comment
purbit Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 I don't understand this action of girls playing 'sex defense' the entire time. His purpose in life is not to trick you into having sex with him, to me he just sounds very beta'ish and is demonstrating typical poor behavior all up. He is leaving everything to you and showing WAY too much emotion much too fast. I agree with everyone that you arn't showing much interest here at all. That and he might feel a bit foolish by how hard he has pushed. Like I said, I think society seems to have sex in a negative connotation that women are expected to play defense and guys are expected to go into the attack mode. I've had relationships that iv'e happily held back from sex for periods of time because I wanted to spend a bit of time with the girl before sex and the possible dramas associated with it complicate things (Not because sex does actually complicate things but society seems to feel it does and this reflects in relationships). You really should stop seeing it as such a bad thing, sex is not a reward for his chivalry. On the flip side, all men want sex. It is biologically programmed into us by millions of years of evolution to spread our seed far. Just like its also biologically programmed into us to stand by our mate (not every man wants to run affairs). Also the hormonal balances inside a man will result in quite alot of frustration after numerous amounts of 'physical contact' without sex so I can understand why he may seem a little frustrated you holding it back. All in all, I don't think he just wants sex at all. The perception that men only want sex is completely incorrect, most males actually want a decent relationship with a chick. Particularly if they're the very emotional type, that you know... cries at movies. Link to comment
StarGazer68 Posted February 18, 2012 Author Share Posted February 18, 2012 Thank you for your reply. Very helpful! Just one question which I feel silly asking but what does beta'ish mean? Thanks! Link to comment
Blue Spiral Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 Thank you for your reply. Very helpful! Just one question which I feel silly asking but what does beta'ish mean? Thanks! I'm guessing he's referring to beta males: i.e., passive and other traditionally non-masculine stereotypes. Link to comment
purbit Posted February 19, 2012 Share Posted February 19, 2012 Thank you for your reply. Very helpful! Just one question which I feel silly asking but what does beta'ish mean? Thanks! A timid, scared man. Not the dominant type. Often seen as undesirable due to being easily pushed over. Link to comment
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