threestars Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 I've met people through the internet previously but not really with the intent of dating/relationship. I'm 26 and live in a new area and don't really know anyone so I figured I'd give it a try. So me and this girl chatted for a couple days and then ended up making plans to get a drink after work last Friday. We seemed to hit it off pretty well had dinner which I paid for and she asked if I wanted to continue the night elsewhere. We went to a few bars and then hung-out at her place til around 1am. Lots of eye contact and no awkward moments, it was a good time and she's nice and cute. The night ended with a hug and we said we'd like to see each other again. We've talked daily since the first date and a couple days later made new plans. We decided to hangout and watch a movie at her place and then went out to eat dinner. On valentines day she messaged me and said happy v-day and all that, not something girls that are strictly friends generally bother with. The day before our 2nd date she invited me over that evening as she was making dinner for her family that was in town(I declined as I already had plans and was slightly surprised about the invite)The first date she made comments that she doesn't normally like to have people over at her place, so I felt like being there for the 2nd time was a pretty positive sign. After dinner we went out and had a drink and listened to a band. It was a good time and we seem to enjoy each others company. While out at the bar she jokingly made a comment about being a good wingman, which I wasn't really sure how to take that. She had work early today and the previous night mentioned she goes to bed around 11 each night...but we stayed up til around 1:30. When we got back to her place she sat on the opposite couch unlike earlier when we watched the movie. Once we got back and she had me back up around 1 I thought we would end up making out at least for the first time. But we ended up watching some TV for a bit and then I left. Once again the night ended in a hug. I wasn't expecting to go to bed with her after date 2 or anything, but the wingman comment and referring to me as a friend a few times really have me questioning whether or not I've been friend zoned despite the fact that she continues to want to go on "1-on-1 dates". I would still like to hangout with her either way but I generally act differently around people I'm interested in romantically and people that I'm just wanting to be friends with.. Any ideas or thoughts as to how I can approach this or have experience with the confusion of meeting someone through online dating and determining friend or more? Thanks in advance Link to comment
Thorshammer Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 What body-gestures have you been giving out? Have you even tried to be flirty? I always make sure that the cat is out the bag and i come on to them when i can, i dont want friends- especially when i am in the mode to date and find someone. If you didnt show any signs of interest, then she could have been doing this to gauge your reaction. Last date i had i moved in close to kiss her, her comment about something annoyed me that i got up and sat away from her. Then she asked why i am not sitting by her and i just changed the subject. I didnt like the mix messages, i dont want to decipher another human-being when i dont have to, especially when there are other options in the horizon. Right after that i started giving out friendly vibes and behavior. Link to comment
threestars Posted February 17, 2012 Author Share Posted February 17, 2012 Lot's of eye contact during conversation etc. Some of the playful bumping etc while walking around. Both nights when we were out at the bars we were real close with the occasional touching, she never jumped away or anything and she would initiate contact as well. When we watched the movie last night I tried to show that I was trying to get closer to her but she didn't budge...I didn't want to make things awkward so left it at that. I tried to say things like "I enjoyed spending time with you" or "I'm looking forward to seeing you" which she was generally agreeing with. Last night she knew I was driving about 35 minutes or so from my other office to see her so it wasn't like I just happened to be in the area, I had to go out of my way to see her. When she made the wingman comment she had just mentioned this girl in the bar that she thought was the hottest girl there(she's assured me she's completely straight). She wanted me to look but I just took a quick glance and told her that I thought she was much better looking than the girl she pointed out, she laughed but not much else of a reaction. We talked this morning and I told her I would like to see her this weekend again if she's wanting to. At this point it's up in the air, I guess I'll have a better idea of her interest level if we end up hanging out again so soon. Agreed about trying to decipher someone. Mixed signals are a pain in the ass, and if we're having fun 1 on 1 and it's a 2nd date, it shouldn't be too complicated...but apparently is. Link to comment
sweetestdesire Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 Why don't you ask something along the lines of what shes looking for? That may give you a lead to discovering what she wants. Link to comment
threestars Posted February 17, 2012 Author Share Posted February 17, 2012 At the moment I'm just trying to go with the flow. If I ask about her intentions or spill my feelings it might scare her away all together. I would be okay with being friends with her but at the moment I'm looking at our time together as dates which I assumed she was as well. Naturally I would carry myself in a bit of a different fashion if friendship is what she wants. I guess I'm more so wondering if this is a common trait of meeting people through online dating sites. All I know is things were a helluva lot easier to figure out in the college days! Link to comment
sweetestdesire Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 Would you really be okay just to be friends? you've been investing alot of time in this gal. I would just want to know so I'm not wasting my time. I've had guys ask me early on & i'm perfectly fine w/ it. ive answered "im open for something new" or "im not looking for anything serious at the moment." Link to comment
threestars Posted February 18, 2012 Author Share Posted February 18, 2012 I think it would probably indeed be hard to just be friends with her since our times together would be mostly 1 on 1. My office is about a mile from her house, but I live about 35 minutes away. Last night I was in the area hanging with other friends so I told her I could stop by after since I'd be close by if she wanted. Her response was confusing like she didn't want to say no, but then said she's not in a good mood and apologized a few times. Not really sure what to make of her, I guess I'll leave it up to her to initiate hanging out again. I would like to see her this weekend but she turned me down last night so I feel like it's her job to make the effort this time if she's actually interested. Link to comment
threestars Posted February 19, 2012 Author Share Posted February 19, 2012 Talked to her once today and then we made plans for tomorrow. I said cool I look forward to seeing you and she responded shortly after saying she wanted to let me know I understood her intentions that she just wanted to be friends. So much for that. Apparently going out twice and having fun and hanging out real late and being invited over to dinner with her fam aren't good enough signs that things are going well. I think it hurts cause I literally didn't do or say much to make it feel like we couldn't just be friends or attempt to go for more at this point. Now hanging out would be awkward so being friends is pretty unlikely as well. I might as well have at least tried to kiss her or cop a feel, I'd have gotten the same damn result. Link to comment
scklbad Posted February 19, 2012 Share Posted February 19, 2012 Talked to her once today and then we made plans for tomorrow. I said cool I look forward to seeing you and she responded shortly after saying she wanted to let me know I understood her intentions that she just wanted to be friends. So much for that. Apparently going out twice and having fun and hanging out real late and being invited over to dinner with her fam aren't good enough signs that things are going well. I think it hurts cause I literally didn't do or say much to make it feel like we couldn't just be friends or attempt to go for more at this point. Now hanging out would be awkward so being friends is pretty unlikely as well. I might as well have at least tried to kiss her or cop a feel, I'd have gotten the same damn result. iif i were u i would not see her again....she was on a frucking dating site...look for friends somewhere else....and she was leading you on. screw her man. Link to comment
LoveSoDeep Posted February 19, 2012 Share Posted February 19, 2012 NOT enough! From a a woman let me tell you the bold things above are not enough for her to know you want more than friends with her. Try this...put your hand on the the small of the back while walking through a restaurant, hold her hand or take her arm while walking, sit next to her not accross form her, while you're looking into her eyes having a great conversation gently move her hair back, if she has her hands on the table reach out to touch them (if the moment is right), when you're watching tv excuse yourself to use the restroom and when you come back sit close to her. You have to just go for it. I'm a good wingman too. lol She was just trying to show you she' not the jealous type. I'll point out a very pretty woman to my SO I know he's with me but that doesn't mean he can't look and by looking myself and talking about it I'm giving him permission to do so. Link to comment
threestars Posted February 19, 2012 Author Share Posted February 19, 2012 NOT enough! From a a woman let me tell you the bold things above are not enough for her to know you want more than friends with her. We had only been out twice at that point so I wasn't trying to go over the top. She must have realized my interest was higher than hers anyhow or else she wouldn't have warned me about only wanting to be friends. I befriended a person from a dating site previously but we did everything in a group setting and there was no need to have any talks about our status as it was obvious we were just friends. Meanwhile this girl sends crazy mixed signals and then make things awkward for no real reason. Ultimately it was a nice kick in the teeth, "hey, you're a real nice guy and we have fun together, but you're freakishly ugly" is kind of how I feel leaving the situation lol. O well, onto the next one. Link to comment
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