Sometimes You Have No Choice, but to let them go!

[1TAKENi]

Well from my other threads you can tell that all i do is beg for forgiveness. All I can do is want to be in his arms again, but he doesnt want me, atleast now. I know that If I could take an chance to see him back, I would. If there is one ounce of hope I'll take it! The last conversation we had was like 2 days ago and overall the worst! He ended with " I dont want to be with you, bye"!! Just like that he hung up on me. THe next day, someone called me for job opportunites and I know my ex is struggling with that so I referred him to the guy. I was trying to be helpful. I wrote him a message and told him the guy should be calling him shortly. I dont expect a "thank you'', but it kind of hurts he doesnt care anymore. And I promise you I have TRIED to stop crying, all I do is get OUT and am nice, very nice to people,and I try and help people and Im trying to be postitive,. I tried not to cry when he hung up on me. But Im hoping I my emotions dont take over me when the NC is in progress 5 weeks from now.

[theface71]

It is true. Sometimes you do have to let go. I am finally going to try to let go the same myself now since my ex has truly let go of any contact withe me. I foolishly thought that maybe we could have a frank discussion on a reconciliation but whenever we have talked she seems to ignore any talk of a relationship past present or future. She has not talked to me in a week nor does it look like she ever will again. It is my fault I know because I pushed the issue one too many times. Got too emotional and told her I missed her and how come the last 3 years are nothing in her eyes. I was playing it cool up until Valentine's Day and my silly romantic side came out and I told her I still loved her. I still think she is an amazing person and told her so but she in turn has never paid me back any compliments (i know exs don't owe us anything but still some respect would be good). So today I am cutting myself off from our only form of communication (msn) and delete her from my contacts cause it is clear I am wasting my time by trying to salvage a friendship that she originally wanted. Try not to hold on hope as long as I did (two months). It will only make the absence hurt more. It is really for your own good. Since she is treating me like I never existed it is time I do the same. Good luck with NC.

[Live-N-Learn]

I know you are stuggling to accept it is over. But please start respecting yourself. There was no need to send him a text letting him know you referred someone to call him for a job. Think about it. The day before he hung up on you and the next day you are doing him a favor. He does not deserve your affection or attention any longer. These types of actions will only cause him to pull away and feel he can do or say anything to you and you will still be there for him.

 

Please stop it and stand up for yourself. You will feel much better about yourself if you do.

 

Hugs

LNL

[1TAKENi]

That is true I kind of regret doing this because like ~theface71~ said you dont receive anything back, but respect would be nice. I miss him alot... and Im definetly not trying to move on from him tomorow because I know Im not ready for another relationship. I still have it in my mind that its totally normal for us to hang out.. But ive been doing this for 5 months.. either I keep him in my life and atleast get to hang out with him or NOT SEE HIM ANYMORE( when I think its fun to hang out with him) I dont know should I keep see him because he came to see me? I really want to see our pet..kinkajou... I was attached to this exotic pet.. and he bought her so I cant really see it anymore I think I have fun when we hang out. I dont get reconciliation, which hurts..but i like being on good terms with him. Im hurting myself, I know.

[Live-N-Learn]

You can't be around him or in contact with him until you are healed and over him. You are torturing yourself by staying in contact with him. Yes, it feels kinda good for the moment but soon as he brings up the other girl or you don't get what you want from him, you will be set back in your healing. It is impossible to heal while staying in contact with him.

 

Listen my friend, I tried what you are attempting for 2 years post breakup! We hung out as friends, we talked, we even slept together. It was pure hell. All the time she was looking for someone to settle down with. Please get out of the situation. I have not spoken to my ex since November and I am healing. No healing happened while staying in contact.

[1TAKENi]

Thank You Live-N-Learn, its hard because he is one of the only people that knows almost everything about me. I have'nt even accepted the break up yet! And we slept together after the break up like 3 times of the 5 months we have been broken up. He's not the one to use girls for sex, but we had sex and we did alot of fun things like bowling, mini golfing, and had so much fun. Im stuck on the past. And Im finally optimisitc about leaving the seeing each other thing for good. It was great when we spent time together, and he would kiss me goodbye and I thought maybe his mind could change. Every minute I spent with him went by so fast. I did'nt want to say goodbye. And I carried all this hope that it one of our encounters I could change his mind. I feel like Im the reason he broke up with me or else we would still be together. SO its kind of hard to forgive myself, while Im trying to improve myself, and forget him everytime I have the urge to RUN back to him!

[1TAKENi]

The only reason I wont heal is because I didnt want to stop talking to him, I think that if I do he will forget me, and move on (one of my biggest fears)..

[Live-N-Learn]

The only reason I wont heal is because I didnt want to stop talking to him, I think that if I do he will forget me, and move on (one of my biggest fears)..

 

You sound so much like me when I was in it with my ex for those 2 years post breakup. We had fun, partied, slept together numerous times and I kept thinking she was going to change her mind just like you are thinking. I thought all the same things you are right now. Well it never happened and my soul has been damaged tremendously due to all I allowed myself to go through after the breakup. There has been a ton of damage done and there is little to no chance either of us will ever reach out to the other ever again.

 

If I would have walked away gracefully then maybe it would have been different. However, she sounds a lot like your ex. She kept calling and pushing to see me but never committing. Then when she started dating someone I stopped hearing from her until there were problems. Don't let him play you like that. Ok?

 

What you need to realize is that he has already moved on....he is with someone else. Who knows what will happen in the future but you need to go NC and heal. I promise you he will never forget you...that doesn't mean he will come back but he will never forget you. Matter of fact..he will think of you more if you are not in contact with him.

[newyear]

I am really sorry Im hearing this from you. I am really struggling these days - really can't function and all I am thinking of is how can 3 years and alot of love could be forgotten so easily as it seems. I miss him so badly - what makes it so hard in my case is that we both were so serious about this relationship. I am reading your post and imagine myself to be next.. contacting then hurt again - god give us all strength we are the victims here. hang on my dear.

[Minx2012]

Believe it or not, one of the hardest and yet strangely easiest moments in a break up is when you TRULY realise that it's over and it's time to let go. It's like the fear that you get in that instant moment, the minute you jump off a cliff into very clear waters. You waited for a very long at the top, staring down, scared to death but you know that the only way down is jumping off that cliff, so you can swim into clear waters on a hot, scorching day. You might even have friends behind you, telling you to " hurry up! "..." stop being a f*cking chicken! ".....and you wait, you step back a few times, your heart thumping. Eventually, you realise it's inevitable and so you run and go for the jump and you're in mid-air. There's that very strong, overwhelming fear so you close your eyes and next thing you know, you feel the water and you're swimming in calm waters. You might even feel exhilirated, despite still being scared...but you're swimming in calm, cool clear waters and you've accepted that it's actually nice to be down there, swimming, while everyone else is up going through their fears on top of the cliff.

 

The minute you REALISE and ACCEPT ( acceptance has to be there too! ), then you are in clear, trouble free waters. You can learn to live again and meet people without having to feel that sickening depression at the base of your stomach everytime someone or something reminds you of him.

[newyear]

I can't remember when I last smiled really. your metaphore is great Boheme.

[1TAKENi]

Wow very well said, but he wasnt the one calling me btw I was the one that suggested we hang out, he suggested we meet at places. But IM the one who was enthustiastic about it. I had a dream about him ALL of last night. Im thinking that I have spring break next month, and I should go visit him, its 4 hours away..but then I think its going to be 10x harder to leave and have him not call me I want him to think that Ive changed and that Im not controlling and "abusive". People you really love change you. I gets urges to see him every chance I get. IM lost and I dont know what to do sometimes. He isnt in any new relationship btw, he says he wants to work on himself because he says he is not right in the head, and needs a job and what not. So hard, so stressed, this is going to get hard if I let it, but I think its part of the healing process

[1TAKENi]

I want to feed to my addiction, that is to see him once every month because If I dont I feel like I'm going to get permantly depressed. Ive been seeing him ever month since the break up in October 2011 ( we were together for 1 and a 1/2).. There is no avoiding the heartache Why we he come 4 hours to see me if he doesnt care?