I'm afraid of losing the best thing I have. My efforts seem to be fruitless

[lostintheusa]

Hi all,

 

This is my first post and I feel I have never needed help more. I have been in a relationship with the love of my life for about a year and half. I truly love her. Things have been tough as we have a commute relationship from Boston to Philadelphia, but we made it work. Close to the year mark, we had a very rough patch and I was angry. I reached out to women of my past thinking that it would help me somehow (I know, bad judgment). I even ended up sexting one of them, and it disgusted me. I couldn’t understand why I was doing it, since I know I really love my lady. My love caught me, and we managed to talk through it with couples counseling, which we continue to this day. I have cut contact with all dubious past contacts to avoid any temptation. Since, I have realized that I have turned to looking at online pornography. I look at more than could be considered normal (on my phone, on breaks, when my love is visiting me, etc…). I do not derive any pleasure from this, mentally or physically, I just look at it. I have stopped looking at videos for my own She has also caught on to this, and has put our relationship on the rocks. Has anyone been through this before? I have read around, and know these are signs of sex addiction. Is all hope lost? I see my life with her, kids, dogs, everything. Help… Thanks for reading my rant

[Moontiger]

Welcome to ENA,

 

Since you are already in couples therapy I recommend that you start going to individual therapy. To me it seems like you have an impulse control problem when times are rough. Kudos for taking steps to work through your issues.