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I'm afraid of losing the best thing I have. My efforts seem to be fruitless


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Hi all,


This is my first post and I feel I have never needed help more. I have been in a relationship with the love of my life for about a year and half. I truly love her. Things have been tough as we have a commute relationship from Boston to Philadelphia, but we made it work. Close to the year mark, we had a very rough patch and I was angry. I reached out to women of my past thinking that it would help me somehow (I know, bad judgment). I even ended up sexting one of them, and it disgusted me. I couldn’t understand why I was doing it, since I know I really love my lady. My love caught me, and we managed to talk through it with couples counseling, which we continue to this day. I have cut contact with all dubious past contacts to avoid any temptation. Since, I have realized that I have turned to looking at online pornography. I look at more than could be considered normal (on my phone, on breaks, when my love is visiting me, etc…). I do not derive any pleasure from this, mentally or physically, I just look at it. I have stopped looking at videos for my own She has also caught on to this, and has put our relationship on the rocks. Has anyone been through this before? I have read around, and know these are signs of sex addiction. Is all hope lost? I see my life with her, kids, dogs, everything. Help… Thanks for reading my rant

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