One month after the breakup...

[lolgirl]

Hello all. Just needed to vent. It's been a little over a month since my ex bf broke up with me after a 2.5 year relationship. We were talking about settling down together, buying a house, etc. I lived with him, and when he broke up with me, in a matter of days, I moved out, found my own place, and pretty much went NC with him. The few times I did have to contact him to get my things, he would practically have a breakdown on the phone and usually ended up with him crying. I'm not really sure why, since he's the one who broke up with me... Towards the end just prior to the BU, we were having a lot of trust issues, which were also tied to his commitment-phobia. About 2 weeks ago, I sent him a goodbye letter, saying I am moving on, and do no ever contact me again..and I meant it.

 

Six weeks later, I am doing ok, although I think I could be better. I think about him less and less in frequency. To be honest with you, I don't even remember the good times anymore. The urges to contact him are less and less (although I thought I was going to relapse on v-day because I felt like yelling at him, but I stayed strong and stayed NC My sadness and tears have turns into anger and resentment. I can't even stand the thought of him anymore. I miss what we had prior to all of our issues, but I think less and less of the good times and think more and more of our bad times. Like, all the times he wanted a "break", when he was actually going out on dates with girls...the time he took me engagement ring shopping, then said he was only doing that to "test" himself and he realized he's not ready for a commitment...the time I found naked cell phone pictures of girls on his computer, which he admitted to receiving while we were together...the time I found out one of his female friends professed her feelings to him and he continued to talk to her, when he told me he wouldn't...I mean, the list of things go on and on. I don't see him as the man I loved anymore. I see him as an unworthy, pathetic, lost little loser. Maybe this resentment stage is normal in the stages of a breakup, I am not sure. I can say it feels better than the sadness and emptiness I felt in my heart before.

 

I know I'll get over this stage, but it will be awhile. At least the resentment is keeping me from contacting him EVER AGAIN. The thought that I even took him back two times before after we broke up makes me want to vomit. I should have been stronger and walked away. There are times when the anger in my heart is so intense, I can barely tolerate it. I sure hope this stage passes soon...

 

Anyways, that's all, thanks for listening. Stay strong, everyone!

[daniel001]

lolgirl - you're a champ. awesome stuff. i like the anger stage because it shows you're moving on and healing. i'm not anywhere near that (though i think you know my situatino) so i may yet go through that.

 

but anyway, keep trooping on. he actually sounds like a bit of an a hole, particularly the taking you ring shopping bit. * * * ? Who does that? and the photos and other girls...wow. you're much better off now i would think.

[sandrawg]

Sounds like being away from him has made you realize what a jerk he is. I know that feeling well.

[lolgirl]

Thank you Daniel and sandrawg!

 

Daniel: The ring shopping was in retrospect, one of the worst experiences of my life. He said he found one that he really wanted to get me, asked me to try it on, had the guy to write down the ring and size, and he kept the card in his wallet. Then a month later, he said he only took me ring shopping because he wanted to test himself to see how he would take it, and he said mentally, he flipped out, and that he can't see himself settling down. I was FLOORED. I mean, seriously...who does that???? Thank you for your support though, you know I got your back!

 

Sandrawg: I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels this way. I feel like my resentment and anger is fueling me to the next stage, which I am hoping is acceptance. I think after the anger subsides, I'll just get over everything. I won't hate him, but I won't love him either. He'll be barely even a memory. After 6 weeks, I'm already forgetting the good things...the bad things will take a little longer for me to release, I think, but I will let go eventually. I can't wait to reach the next stage!