rustynails Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 For the last couple weeks, I have been in sleepless turmoil about whether my girlfriend has been loosing interest in our relationship. We have been together for almost three years and have lived together for about 1 1/2 of those years. I uprooted and moved to a new city to be with her, found a new job and have committed to her in so many other ways. However, over the last few weeks I have been noticing a shift in behavior that made me worry and wonder if she was planning to break up with me. I have lost countless hours of sleep over trying to identify words phrases and any other gestures to confirm this fact. I just realized that I have been unhappy with the relationship for several months, and I believe my, unknown to me, negative attitude has unconsciously rubbed off on her and is making her confused. I love her with all my heart, but as hard as I try, I cannot imagine a future with her in it. I don't want to hurt her. I don't want to hurt me. But I cannot see any thing that makes me want to stay. My emotions are running wild right now, and I'm not sure what I am looking for by writing this. I think I just need to put it out there, and hopefully have some people talk back to offer any experience or advice on How, What, When, IF, I should do anything. I don't want to break up. I don't want to loose what we have... had. I just don't know what to do. Do I fake it for a while and see if it gets better? Or do I just cut and run? How do I do this without ruining her life? Sorry, now I'm rambling. Thanks for reading Link to comment
rustynails Posted February 17, 2012 Author Share Posted February 17, 2012 I'm 26, She's 32 Link to comment
EgoJoe Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 What is your relationship experience prior to her? Link to comment
rustynails Posted February 17, 2012 Author Share Posted February 17, 2012 Two Serious girlfriends, Never lasting more than two years. Both cheated before they dumped me. Link to comment
EgoJoe Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 Read this and tell me if you think this is you. link removed Obviously, you would probably identify with the urges not the breaking up etc. But, do you have the urge to go out there and party? It isn't some syndrome. You might be just young and unsure of yourself. I don't subscribe to it as all conclusive but I am curious because I've directly witnessed your type of situation and seen where it lead. Link to comment
rustynails Posted February 17, 2012 Author Share Posted February 17, 2012 I would say it's about half right. I don't have any sort of feelings of personal change towards new behaviors. But I certainly have a feeling of love but not in love, but also still in love... So I don't know. The only thing I can say I consciously notice is through everything we have been through, I have lost the ability to see her in my future. Link to comment
EgoJoe Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 Read more of the thread. Skim through it (there is a bunch). It could be that you don't think it is a match. But, the "something is missing" and not knowing about the future for me is a dead give away. It could be also that you're just not into it anymore. Link to comment
rustynails Posted February 17, 2012 Author Share Posted February 17, 2012 I have no more urge to party or play the field in any way. I have within the last year or so lessened my drinking and party behaviors. And no, I'm not bored after giving that lifestyle up. I just realized it's not for me and makes me feel crappy. I feel I have no incentive to end things, because that would mean having to move in with my sister, at least for a short while. I feel that my mid twenties have been a strong maturing process and I feel no need for the reckless behaviors of my past to continue... And no, she's not a reckless person either. If it is "Grass is greener" what do I do? do I still have to end it to truly know? Link to comment
EgoJoe Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 I only showed you that to see how much you idenitifed with. Read more of the thread to be sure. It may not be. I don't consider it a syndrome either, just a phase people can go through in the modern era. A bit of "finding yourself". Link to comment
rustynails Posted February 17, 2012 Author Share Posted February 17, 2012 I certainly see some identifiable points. However, maybe denial, but Knowing this woman as I do, I just don't see what I can have with her in the future. The blunt response is, I guess, I don't see her as the kind of girl I want to raise my kids. I am just not sure what else I can do to disprove this and other thing s to myself. I love her, truly and deeply, but our intimacy has faded and on top of that I have trouble seeing my thirties with her. I feel hypocritical in the sense that I am almost asking for permission to break up with her, but at the same time fighting to have a future with her. Link to comment
EgoJoe Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 My Ex pretty much went through the same type of crap with me. It ended terribly and I was in limbo for awhile. The reason I showed you the GIGS thread is, I was told one month, "I feel like I am losing you." a month and a half later it was, "I am confused I don't know what I want. But, I want to work on it." Months after that of limbo hell it was over. Don't put your Ex through the same crap if it is uncertainty. Link to comment
rustynails Posted February 17, 2012 Author Share Posted February 17, 2012 Thank you EgoJoe for taking the time to help. I'm not sure... Some of this sounds right. Some wrong. I just Know that I don;t see her as the mother of my children any more. I have tried to imagine it as I used to with no avail. I don;t want to end this, so I feel this as more of a conflict of which happiness do I choose? My love for her is real, however I also feel like my future with her is a form of settlement in the sense that it would be just that, settling. But I still love her with all my heart. Link to comment
EgoJoe Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 Think about this. Without any comparison to good love because of your past two relationships...perhaps you think there might be something better. I suggest going to places like link removed and link removed to do more reading. I appreciate your thanks. In truth, I am simply trying to help people because I went through hell and had my own emotional turmoil to which I did not get good answers or info in a timely fashion or manner. Link to comment
rustynails Posted February 17, 2012 Author Share Posted February 17, 2012 The sad part is, I am slowly feeling like I have to break up with her. I feel like that link you sent, plus other minor advices given, I won't truly know what I want or need until I am able to be on my own again. This scares me so much and it may take time to build up the balls to do it. But I just can't see any argument to trying to stay together until I figure myself out. I am so scared right now. I can"t think of any time I have ever had to do something so difficult. Any words of encouragement? Link to comment
Shemilajon Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 Hello to all It is here I simply say that there is no use over crying spilt this thing I realized but time has been over still my passion dare me to do something. Link to comment
EgoJoe Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 You do what you gotta do for you and you can do no wrong. But, if you really want my advice...read on those two other sites for awhile (especially Al Turtle) and then make up your mind. If you do decide to go through with it make sure you move out ASAP and leave no breadcrumbs. You tell her the absolute unflinching truth and you tell her that you don't want her to wait for you or have any false hope. Don't try to soften the blow. Give her a head start on healing. If you want to know why I say this, read the breakup forums about mixed messages etc. that dumpers give dumpees and see how much extra pain that causes. Link to comment
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