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How do I cope with what our future will probably be?


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I've been with my boyfriend for almost 8 months now, but I've known him since my junior years in high school and have had a crush on him for 4 years. We were friends somewhat, not good friends but he was always such a nice guy to me but I liked him so much I never told him how I felt about him for fear of rejection. In June of last year I told him how I felt and to my utter joy he wanted to give us a shot. I'm now 18 and in university. He's 3 years older than me and I understand why he would have never made a move on me during high school, but anyway I was beyond elated when we started dating. He is the sweetest guy and we both love each other so much now. His family loves me, my family very much approves of him and everything about our relationship is so great. The only thing that gets me really down is thinking about the future. I know it's still very early and I'm young and naive in some ways still however, I know that so long as we keep going the way we are, he will not leave me and I don't intend on leaving him. We talk about marriage and living together, which I know seems very premature but I've liked him for so long and we've known each other for 5 years now. The problem is I need a lot of love!

My boyfriend wants to become an archaeologist. He's already had some training and worked on sites as a geologist during previous summers and has done field schools. I know this is really his passion and I don't in any way want to hold him back but I can't help but think of how he'll most likely be travelling to far away destinations for months at a time, and even though he says he would always try to take me with him if he could, I don't necessarily want that kind of life. Of course i like to travel but when it comes to living somewhere other than home for several months, I don't think I'd be happy with that, being away from my life and family back home. I love him so, so much and I want to be with him no matter what but I know myself well enough to know that I won't be able to cope well if he does end up becoming a professional archaeologist. I need him with me. I then question if I should really continue with him because it will just hurt that much more if we become even more committed to one another and I have to deal with him leaving frequently. I couldn't handle it.


I really appreciate any replies, thank you.

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Firstly, don't blame the pills. I was put on them at one point to regulate my pms symptoms and moods so actually you shouldn't be AS moody if you are on the pills, but I am not a doc. You can't blame the pills.


I wouldn't worry about the future for now. He could take a job teaching at a school or a science center, or he could work on a project that was several yeras long so he could settle in one place. There are people who live in one basic area. I would just concern myself with learning more about each other and learning to communciate better, and concern yourself with your own schooling.

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You need to do something like see a therapist to learn to put your anger in check, particularly if you are admittedly needy. Being angry and mean repels people, including your partner, and will cause him to build up feelings of resentment towards you which will push him away, not giving you the extra love you need.

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You can learn skills to feel less needy or to meet those needs in other ways. By thinking about it now you can start learning to do so, take baby steps. It will help you grow as a person, and will be useful any relationship or situation you are in throughout your life, whether you are with him or another.


Also, if you do stay together, plan on special things for you during the times he is traveling, make it special "me" time for yourself, sign up for classes, workshops, or travels of your own, special activities or trips with family or friends. It could end up working great for both of you. If you both are committed and communicate and nurture the relationship while he's home, and find ways to nurture the relationship while he's traveling (calls, short visits, care packages, skyping, etc.) you could make it work.

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