hamza Posted February 16, 2012 Share Posted February 16, 2012 So. I am a 21 year old guy. I finally came to terms with my sexuality late last year. I was seeing this girl at that point. I loved her (still do) but I just wasn't attracted to her. She was the first person I came out to and now a few of my very close friends know. I have this HUGE crush over this guy I used to work with. I am literally going gaga over him. I think, write, dream about him like 24x7. He has been THE only person I've ever felt like this before-and even though sex is part of all that I want, more than anything I want to be emotionally intimate with him. I just don't know if he'll ever be interested though. Few things, he keeps on dropping hints off and on. He's extremely intellectual and a lot of the things that we talk about include topics such as freethinking, this universe, God, people etc. I've heard him say things like "I feel like I'm part of these two different worlds." and "My family is very religious and I just don't fit in there".. he's 23. During the past few weeks, thanks to the advances I've been able to make, we've grown closer. We text almost every night for a couple hours or so. He's a workaholic (works in social media industry) and it all started with me making fun of him how he doesn't live life and is almost always too absorbed with his work and stuff. He's one of those personality types who live inside their shell and just NEVER openup. I've tried bringing him to talk about his romantic past but he's never very willing and always backs out with statements like "I have never been in a relationship" (is that even possible? ) and "I don't know man, I feel like I don't know myself enough. I don't know how I feel may be that's why I've never really been attracted to someone." I told him about my breakup with the girl and since then he's been .. kinda like backing off? I mean. I don't know. It could be all up in my head anyway. How do I go about this? We're friends but we're such good friends that I can come out to him right away. Half the time I forget breathing when I'm around him and that just makes things difficult. lol And then he invites me to events. calls randomly asking if we could go out for dinners or "I need to talk." He doesn't have a lot of friends anyway. He would randomly tell me he'd like to visit some exotic place with me one day or that he's eating at this amazing restaurant and he wishes I was there with him. You know? A slightly gayer version of things that straight friends do. Haha. And when I am down for some reason or the other, he makes sure he cheers me up one way or the other. He cares, that I am sure of. Last week, he picked me up from class (surprised me) and we went to have dinner. His coworkers had a movie plan that he cancelled (while I was sitting right in front of him) by telling his boss that "I got other more important stuff to do." and then he took me home, we saw a movie and then he insisted he'll drop me home even though it wasn't too late at night. We live literally on opposite ends of the city. I need to do something about this before I go crazy. He's funny and handsome and totally TOTALLY HOT. He's like the definition of perfection as I define in. I think the reason why he's so supercloseted is his family is super conservative (he doesn't think too highly of himself either, patterns of self-loathing at times.) .. there are a lot of signs that lead me to the assumption that he just might be gay but in denial .. but then again. All of this could be wishful thinking. WHAT DO I DO. Link to comment
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