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why can't he just understand?


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I've been feeling down about me and my boyfriends relationship. We talked about how we want to stay with each other, but I feel like I'm losing the love and I told him that. It's all the small things that have added up. He's just not romantic and never gives into me, it's always a battle. I said i like handmade stuff more than bought stuff cuz its more meaningful, and so he made me a card, which was well crafted, but all it said was, i love you too much for words. i feel like that was a cheap way out. i wrote him this letter with 100 things i love about him. and i feel like everything he does for me is for himself. he went to europe and brought me back a gold plated necklace of a pot leaf. i barely touch pot, and he loves it. and for our anniversary tomorrow, he's taking me to the keg.. and he knows i hate steak. i only get one thing there on the menu.. and thats the chicken :s. I tell him how i feel about this stuff all the time, and he doesn't get it.. how do i make him get it? when we watch tv, he never lets me choose a show to watch, and if he picks one that im not interested in, it doesn't matter, we watch it anyways because he begs. if i beg to watch a show hes like ugh no thats stupid.

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People don't always love us the way we want to be loved. They love us the best way they can. He DOES love you, but you want him to show it your way. I don't think he's going to change. So, either accept that or leave.


Refusing to watch any tv shows other than the one you want to watch, repeatedly taking someone to a restaurant they've been clear about not liking, and buying them gifts you would like better than them is loving someone the best you can?


I don't think so - to me, he's just selfish.

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yeah i feel like he is being selfish. there was this other time when i was so upset, i haven't been this upset in a while, me and mom got into the worst argument and she wouldn't talk to me. and he knew how upset i was, and he showed up to my house to talk about it, and he didn't even talk about it, hes like lets go tobogganing with his best friend and then sleep over at his best friends house after.

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You can't change a man, or anyone for that matter, to make it fit for you. Oldest head banging against the wall in female history! Trying to change a man.


I agree with the advice that this is something you need to look at yourself as whether you can accept it or if this outweighs to you the relationship you have with him.


I'd go even further and say it isn't him that needs to understand now, but you. You tried to explain your feelings, apparently have been very clear with him, and he isn't changing. Now you are getting upset and more and more upset; not because of him anymore, but because you can not or refuse to accept his choice.


Look at your own heart on this. What do you love about him? Are you being stubborn? What if you gave into him more - would that mean you have to compromise yourself and/or your happiness? Are the two of you not compatible, or is it something else? Do you really feel he is a selfish person in character, or are you only upset that his way of giving isn't synching up with yours?


Only you know. Most important thing to know yourself and be true to that.

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people dont always show their love for you how you want. my boyfriend and i show our affection very differently. you have to see the intentions behind what he did....not how it turned out.

The OP's boyfriend probably means well, but he also seems a tad short-sighted, and perhaps not selfish, but has trouble seeing things from outside of his own perspective.


Yes, one should always see the intentions, but there comes a certain point at which it feels like you're writing each other love letters in completely different languages. Some languages are close enough in grammar, syntax and idiomatic expressions that the barrier isn't a problem. But some personalities (languages) aren't mutually intelligible. If someone else's language is too different from your own, it may not be worth the trouble to translate it.


Life is short, and though all relationships take effort, the best thing to do, generally is to be in a relationship where you love and feel loved with as few obstacles between the two of you as possible. Life already presents enough troubles to people in love, without the extra challenge.


It's a nice feeling, when you can put the language dictionary down and just have a conversation with someone.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Look, you two are just too different and yes, he does sound immature and selfish. Why would you sacrifice your peace of mind and happiness for someone THAT far out? If it is his way, as some people said here, than fine - let him stay alone or find some one who doesn't care about that (have my doubts, but who knows...) But if you are not getting through to him, you should consider breaking it off.

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