The good life for me, is slow at developing.

[friendsoulmate]

Sometimes I have jealous emotions and feelings about how the lifestyles of wealthy suburbs make it easy for the ones who are being raised there to fall-in-love easily and make advancements in their love life and career on a well-planned schedule. A broad, general example would be: Meet a girlfriend through a close-knit group of friends in high school or college. Orthodonic braces/cosmetic dentistry are guaranteed to you, if you need them, because of the economic background you were raised in. During college or after college, marry your sweetheart/soulmate with an expensive engagement ring, an expensive/not so expensive perfect wedding, and an expensive honeymoon, and then average price/expensive home. I did not live a lifestyle such as this. My life was very slow at developing. I didn't get financial aid for college, until my mid-twenties. It was too difficult getting a job for my first chosen college profession (2-year degree), so I decided to go back to school for one more year and I was able to get job experience in an office, and I now feel I have enough experience now, that I could get a better full-time job elsewhere, but very few employers who I want to work for are hiring right now. The best I can ask for in this post: Is there any wisdom you can think of, which can give me a better perspective, when I am feeling down about not getting a fair start in life, when I start to compare myself to the upper middle-class, who have been there, done that, by the time they are 25-30?

[Circe]

I wish there was. I agree that it's not fair. And it continues too (healthy finances = less fights in marriage, less chance of divorce, better able to care for kids etc). How do you not resent people for being born into better circumstances than you? I really don't know. I mean obviously, not everyone born into a wealthy family succeeds (in any way let alone all of the ways you mentioned) and people born in very poor financial circumstances can climb to the top - but none of that really remedies the unfairness of it.

 

I guess you have to remind yourself that you still have it better than many others - especially those in poor countries; those born with disabilitating conditions; those whose life gets short or whose loved ones life gets cut short through freak accidents..

 

And maybe it helps to remember that those people - the ones born into better circumstances.. they aren't necessarily happier than you are. For one thing they rarely know how lucky they are - and for another .. sometimes having it too easy means that you are less well equipped to handle adversity in later life.

 

I wish there was something I could say other than - don't let it get you down..

[mhowe]

^^^^^Agree! While it might take you longer to get there w/ out the leg up of the circumstances you were born to -- you will definitely "own" it once you get there. You will have the satisifaction and pride that comes from creating a future for yourself that you had once only dreamed of --- and knowing that you did it on your own through your own blood, sweat and tears will make it all the sweeter.

 

I, for one, commend you on your journey!

[Batya33]

You don't know what percentage of those people are happy or appreciate what they have - they might all feel happy, they might not but your analysis is very superficial and designed to trigger jealous feelings which IMO is a shame - why add negative energy to your life when you're trying to do so much? If I hadn't worked my tail off applying to and going to grad school so I could pursue my dream career I probably wouldn't have met my husband -we first met at my first job post-grad school, on his first day at that job. It didn't hurt that we had a few mutual friends since we didn't grow up that far from each other but it had nothing to do with economic background- it did have to do somewhat with our academic and career choices - we were and still are on the same wavelength about that. I too was jealous back then of the people who were able to choose spouses just like they chose colleges, grad schools, etc - it didn't work that way for me but yes, having friends from college, grad school and work -and doing the work to keep up with them helped me meet men who I had thinks in common with.

 

I didn't marry until I was 42 -my husband the same age - we broke up for 8 years in between the first and second times we dated.

[annie24]

I think life if about the journey, not the destination. Ok, so you didn't have all the great things available to you that maybe some other people had, but then again, as someone pointed out, you didn't grow up in extreme poverty - there are many people who don't have access to clean food and water. You could be living in a war torn country. So many things could be a lot worse for you. So, appreciate what you do have, and try not to be jealous of those you think have it better.

[90_hour_sleep]

i don't know a single person who followed that formula. guess i grew up on the wrong side of the tracks too!! that means we're kindred spirits.

 

and just remember...annie haz wifi!!

[journeynow]

I'm not wealthy but have gotten to know people who are and realize that they are human, face challenges, fears, obstacles, heartbreak, too. From the outside, we don't know the whole story, just see the details that we think would solve our problems. We can assume they have certain opportunities that help them get ahead, but that doesn't necessarily make their lives are easier overall. Life and people are pretty complex.

 

My philosophy now is that lives are looked at as a whole, birth to death, and everyone goes through ups and downs, rewards and heartache, and has opportunities for growth and learning. It's not worth being jealous of other people because while their life may look better on the surface, it may be hell underneath. "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting their own battle, too."

[marconi68]

I think you need to congratulate yourself more, precisely because you didn't get that head start in life but through your own sheer hard work you are trying to better yourself. You have done it off your back not because mummy and daddy put it on a plate for you.

And why aspire to be upper middle-class? You would have to buy really expensive shampoo with a silly name called 'Poo'. And marry someone with no character or morals just your financial equal. Then spend more time with your shrink than with your wife and kids.

There is hope because you are clever. Get others to do the work for you and live well. They are called managers. There are many others who are not managers, only work part-time and get others to do the work for them and live well. They are called wives.

There is yet a 3rd group who don't work at all but live well. They are 40 year old children still sponging off their working parents. 40 year old children live well and they are called college students.