babigurl Posted February 16, 2012 Share Posted February 16, 2012 Here's some background story: I dated this guy for a month and a half. The first month was so great. He would always want to hang out with me, and he took me out on dates. He came to visit me at work, and he always complimented me. Apparently, I was his first real girlfriend and all he had experienced before were one night stands and friends with benefits. He told me that I am different, and that he really likes me. He called all the girls he's slept with "trash" and that I am a "good girl". He asked me to be his girlfriend, and I accepted. I noticed him talk about other girls all the time, and sometimes I noticed him dodge certain girls but I didn't really think much of it. He agreed with me about taking things slow, but we didn't. We started having sex within the first week of our dating. This is really different because I usually make guys wait at least 2 months. He was just really aggressive about it, and that contradicted with his agreeing to take things slow. After our first month together, he went distant. He would barely text me and our last date... he wouldn't even hold my hand. I gave him about 10 days to come around, but it only got worse. So, I asked him to come over for a talk. He told me that he doesn't have time for a relationship and that we should take a break. I didn't want to take a break because I didn't know how long I would have to wait for him, so I broke up with him instead. Since the break up, he has been ignoring me. Immediately after the break up, he blocked me on facebook. I texted him because I wanted us to be on good terms and he never responded. Then, I emailed him wishing him all the best with his life and still no response. Now, he is in one of my classes and he acts like I don't exist. I don't like this one bit, because I feel so rejected. I haven't done anything wrong, so why is he putting so much effort into ignoring me? I am not looking to be friends with him, but I wish he would be more civil and at least acknowledge my existence. Please help me understand this guy. Link to comment
pl3asehelp Posted February 16, 2012 Share Posted February 16, 2012 He sounds like a total jerk who uses women for sex, which is why he's ignoring you. You could have very easily predicted that he would be and AWFUL person to date based on 1) he has no relationship experience and 2) his only sexual history consists of sex outside of relationships. Knowing those things, why did you think he'd be a good boyfriend? Link to comment
babigurl Posted February 16, 2012 Author Share Posted February 16, 2012 He told me that I am different... and that he has never liked any girl like he likes me. He kept saying how those girls are all trash, but that I am a "good girl"... so I thought that I should believe him and not judge him because of his past... did he play me? Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted February 16, 2012 Share Posted February 16, 2012 Unfortunately it seems like he used you - got what he wanted (sex) and then gave you the excuse that he has no time for a relationship. This happens a lot and that's why it's usually a good idea not to put out too soon when dating new people. Sorry this happened to you, but it's probably best to let it go as I doubt you'll get your answers from him. Link to comment
somethngwrng Posted February 16, 2012 Share Posted February 16, 2012 Nothing to understand, he had a bit of fun and now he's over it and onto something "new" because that's exciting to him. He may have tricked himself into believing the words he was saying to you, who knows. Forget about him. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted February 16, 2012 Share Posted February 16, 2012 He told me that I am different... and that he has never liked any girl like he likes me. He kept saying how those girls are all trash, but that I am a "good girl"... so I thought that I should believe him and not judge him because of his past... did he play me? You made the mistake of listening to his words, instead of giving it enough time to judge his actions. I wouldn't say that you were totally "played," since you sent a completely different message by having sex with him within one weeks time, after telling him you wanted to take it slow. I'm sorry this happened to you, but there's a lesson to be learned here. Link to comment
babigurl Posted February 16, 2012 Author Share Posted February 16, 2012 I know I put out too soon, and I really regret it... I just really liked him and I didn't want to lose him. He kept insisting on a "preview", and I felt bad saying no all the time. The fact that he kept mentioning his escapades also made me feel like sex is really important to him. despite the fact that I know he is not good for me, I miss him so much. He definitely knew the right things to say and he smooth talked me. I don't know if any of the things he said were true or he just said them so he can get what he wants... I really hate this, especially because he acts like I don't exist and I am never going to get answers to my questions... Link to comment
twinkleotes07 Posted February 16, 2012 Share Posted February 16, 2012 I will never understand how a man handles a breakup compared to a woman, some became so distant and back to normal. sighs. Hope you feel better. Link to comment
babigurl Posted February 16, 2012 Author Share Posted February 16, 2012 I feel like I didn't get enough time to get over him... I hate myself for this but I keep thinking about all the good times we had. He always talked about how we would go camping during the summer, and bla bla bla... I wish he didn't talk about the future and give me false hope. The worst thing is that I don't know what happened.. and why he suddenly became distant. I hate that I have to see him almost everyday because of class, and being ignored makes it even worse. I do not deserve to be treated this way... I feel so hurt Link to comment
Maeva Posted February 16, 2012 Share Posted February 16, 2012 Telling someone they unique or special or elite can be way into their panties. Admission to the privileged club. Its horribly likely you had his full attention until he made it and a while after as lingering effect from the fascination that caused. Maybe he will grow up one day but he sure isnt grown up now. What you saw and experienced was likely a very good job of acting. Normally you'd expect the exaggeration of compatible traits to fall away in time as you get to know each other better but his niceness all peeled off at once like a carnival mask. Ouch. Nasty experience. I have an idea that you will know if its true.. some guys like being made to wait cos they have a low libido but cultural training means self esteem them to feel like they have high libido, and they talk it up. Always getting told no can really hit the right button for that guy, and if you are very firm NO past sex escapade talk they'll often feel relieved ( plus most guys expect that reaction if they brag too much). . So kinda of check what a chaps real actual libido is like before you leap. Its kinda important to try to match libidos with a possible life partner. Anyway its his loss. His true colours are out now, and I hope your next guy isnt such a dud. I suggest its ok to be mad with this guy and not talk to him right back. Link to comment
babigurl Posted February 16, 2012 Author Share Posted February 16, 2012 What you saw and experienced was likely a very good job of acting. Normally you'd expect the exaggeration of compatible traits to fall away in time as you get to know each other better but his niceness all peeled off at once like a carnival mask. Ouch. Nasty experience. I agree with you. It's sad that I am hung up on a jerk like this. I cry once in a while, even though I know that he doesn't deserve my tears. So I guess he's ignoring me because he's already gotten what he wanted and now he doesn't want me to be a part of his life in anyway. To prove that he was serious about me... he even introduced me to his parents and friends. I can't believe a guy would go to these lengths just to get into a woman's panties. Sad world we live in... Link to comment
pl3asehelp Posted February 16, 2012 Share Posted February 16, 2012 He told me that I am different... and that he has never liked any girl like he likes me. He kept saying how those girls are all trash, but that I am a "good girl"... so I thought that I should believe him and not judge him because of his past... did he play me? Ignoring peoples past is a really foolish thing to do. If you care about yourself, you should care very much about who you let into your life. You need to examine someone's past as it's the best way to understand who they are and how they will behave. The people that tell you otherwise are people who have done terrible things in the past which they want a free pass for. Your grades and character are looked at to decide what college you go to, you use a resume to get a job - our past is very important. You naively ignore it, you are taking a huge risk. Link to comment
babigurl Posted February 16, 2012 Author Share Posted February 16, 2012 I know I shouldn't have ignored his past... and I definitely shouldn't have ignored my gut feeling... I just really liked him and so I ignored all the negatives. Link to comment
greta96 Posted February 16, 2012 Share Posted February 16, 2012 What this guy did to you is classic player-jerk behavior, you were a bit naive but it's understandable, you liked him, believed him... But like I said, it's typical. He told you what you wanted to hear, in order for him to get what he wanted. You threw him off a little when you told him you wanted to take things slow, he was afraid he would have to "work" more than usual to get into your pants, which is why he told you how different you were and all those nice words. He had to make you believe that, because had he told you that you were like all his other sex buddies, would you have had sex with him? Of course not. As for introducing you to his parents/friends, never, ever read anything into that. Most of my exes introduced me to their parents after the first or second date, and they were never serious about me (but like you, I thought it meant I was special!). Actually one of them was married, and even his parents covered for him!!! He is ignoring you because maybe he feels slight guilt about what he did to you, or just because he doesn't want you to feel encouraged to start up a conversation. He probably found someone else and doesn't need to deal with the past (you). It doesn't matter why he does it...just be happy that he's out of your life. Stop beating yourself up about it. You will (unfortunately) probably meet more guys like this in your life, you just have to keep your eyes open no matter how much you like them, and read the signs. Look at their actions, not their words. And hold off sex until you are relatively sure they will stick around after they get it... Link to comment
babigurl Posted February 17, 2012 Author Share Posted February 17, 2012 He was ignoring me, but he did smile at me once in a while. Although, his smile gave a bit of an evil vibe... I don't know how to explain it. I was getting used to him ignoring me, when he suddenly came up to me and talked to me for like 2 seconds. Then he went back to ignoring me, and now it's even worse. He acts like I don't even exist, and his behavior is almost hostile. Him talking to me really threw me off, and now I keep wondering why he would talk to me when he wants nothing to do with me... I don't understand him at all. It's like he's playing mind games with me. I almost want to just go up to him and ask him why he talked to me! Ugh what a jerk. Should I go up to him and ask him why he talked to me?? Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 I almost want to just go up to him and ask him why he talked to me! Ugh what a jerk. Should I go up to him and ask him why he talked to me?? NO. Don't give him the satisfaction. Walk away from this jerk and never look back. The sooner you ignore his existence, the better. Happiness is the sweetest revenge. Link to comment
babigurl Posted February 17, 2012 Author Share Posted February 17, 2012 NO. Don't give him the satisfaction. Walk away from this jerk and never look back. The sooner you ignore his existence, the better. Happiness is the sweetest revenge. I guess you're right... I was ignoring him back quite well. Him talking to me really threw me off... I guess I'll never know why he randomly talked to me and went back to ignoring me... This is just really screwing with my head, and it's making it harder for me to heal. I hate that I have to see him almost everyday... Link to comment
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