ex confusing me need help

[cndylver89]

So for a brief synopsis here . Just looking for advice . I am 22 and my ex is 29 We have been dating mostly on for about two years and lived together for one year. We broke up a month ago. I am terribly in love with this guy and don’t know how to get him back or why I should even want someone back like this.

 

I am his first living together relationship and the first girl he has ever been with longer then a year.

 

When we first met we dated without a real commitment for about six months I got fed up with it and decided to end things after he went to vegas and lied about bringing girls. He wanted me back in his life though about a week later but I told him until he could make a real commitement to me I could only offer him friendship and we could not sleep together. This went on for a few months until he invited me to a family wedding and I went back to meet his family. When we came home he decided that he wanted to be with me this was about 8 months after we had met. I lived about an hour away from him at the time and had recently found a job up closer to his area. I started to bring up me looking at places and he brought up the idea of us living together. Things were going really great at that point and blame it on naivety or whatever I decided to move in. Fast forward a few months later we were constantly fighting . I.e Blowout till 5am fights with me crying and screaming and him being nasty and mean and cold. The next day everything would be fine. These fights happened about every few weeks and honestly except for the two month period we’ve always fought like this. We decided to get a place of our own for the summer down by the beach which proved to be the worst idea ever. I had quit a job for him and moved down there and couldn’t find work so I was constantly home and he worked from home also. We tried seeing a conselour but the problems were that he always blamed me for everything ( i.e I was too overweight for him, I didn’t give him enough space , I let myself go) I have only gained 10 lbs since our entire relationship and am a very goodlooking fit girl otherwise. He on the otherhand is 30 lbs overweight and not the most attractive guy. At the end of the summer we broke up but still had to live together for another few weeks till our lease was over. We spent pretty much every day together still and those days were spent crying /miserable because we were both so hurt over the break up. We had a trip planned for my bday which we still agreed to go on as friends. After two days of being together we decided to get back together on my bday when we were both drunk. When we got back the friends I was planning on moving in with didn’t work out so we decided to stay living together as well . Everything was great for about another two months then the fights started again bc he would invite other girls on work trips and uninvite me bc of the industry he is in. I would start a row with him about that bc that is unacceptable to me and he would tell me that I needed to accept that if I wanted a certain type of lifestyle. A week after Christmas he got in a argument with me one night and told me I should move out. I agreed to move out and we agreed to work on things living apart. A week after I moved out he got angry at me one night and told me he was done and not to contact him for a month.

 

This is the longest I have ever been apart from him in two years

 

His reasons for the breakup were ( I am too overweight for him . I am 5’4 140 lbs and have 36d-28-26 measurements … I didn’t give him enough space .. I work 40hrs a week and am in school full time… I let myself go and sex was no longer fun ( I let this guy go to strip clubs with me and have 3somes)

He also blamed me for his health problems ( cholesterol , stress levels , blood pressure)

 

 

We have both been in contact with each other off an on throught the month since the breakup

 

He told me he has been seeing people as soon as 3 days after and suggested I start seeing people

Yet told me if I just gave him space for a month we could work things out

Then the next day will tell me we can never work things out.

 

He said he hasn’t loved me for a while yet he bought a ring to propose to me with ???? ?!

 

Contact has been extremely nasty and hurtful . He has been very angry that I hung out with mutual friends and have been seeing people off and on . He texts me at 2am in the morning to be mean and nasty after telling me to not talk to him

 

He texted me the other day that he had bought a ring for me a month before the breakup and planned on proposing to me in a few days for our anniversary but he realized he couldn’t stand me .

 

Now he hates me because he cant get rid of it ( he only said this after he found out I went on a trip with a male friend)

 

My questions are why is he behaving so mean to me if he says he loves then alternately tells me he hates me ?

 

There was nothing that i did that was wrong to deserve this treatment from him .

 

 

 

I know my story sounds crazy but I am in love with this guy and miss him a lot.

[IndecisiveGirl]

Classic jealousy. He's acts destructively because he feels he can get away with it. That you'll run back each time, no matter how harsh or mean he is. You need to stand up for yourself, you're better than this guy and although you feel like you love him, that love will get worn down by all the horrible things he says. That you have been dating other people is good, it shows a level of control that he doesn't have over you.

he's lost in himself and he needs help.

[lolgirl]

Ugghh...your ex sounds like my ex. He's got MAJOR issues. After the BU, I could see he was taking it really bad. I tried reaching out to him to help him, but he pushed me away and was implying that I caused him all this pain...even though he broke up with me...?? Once I realized my ex was more troubled than I was, I walked away. 6 weeks later, I keep reminding myself about what a jerk my ex was to me and how he treated me. And really, thats the only thing that's keeping me going.

 

You're right...you didn't do anything to deserve this from him. Like my ex, your ex is a troubled soul, and there's no rhyme or reason to it. He needs help...and in the meantime, the only thing you can do is walk away.