VDay and I felt Disrespected and Hurt

[Leona700]

So this guy I like kind of messed up a bit last week and it seems to me more often than not I wanted to see him more than he wants to see me. Anyways i gave him another chance and he asked me to a "proper date" for VDay. He delivered flowers to my door. So i was waiting throughout the day for him to let me know what time he would pick me up. Finally at 7pm I asked what time are u coming. He's like at 10pm because im borrowing my friends car because mine is not working. Im like OK. So finally he showes up at 11pm and takes me to his apartment where in the bedroom he put roses all over his bed and bowl of strawbarries in it, and some romantic slow music. So before we even get to talking hes like "let me know what time u wanna go home and ill take you". Of course we both had classes today at 12 but I felt like he kicked me out. I always invite him to sleep over at my apartment yet ive never slept over in his. We still did not have sex though. So at 1:30 im like its late im gonna go home. Hes like ok ill take you. Not to mention his roomate cooked his new gf dinner in the living room. Honestly I felt like a booty call or just low. I was so hurt that when i came home i cried. Im so disappointed. Am I overreacting

[laninaperdida]

Trust your gut.

It's usually correct and I agree with it in this situation.

 

Don't be too upset, however,

Other than having a lame Valentine's Day, this seems to be a classic case of:

 

Girl likes Boy.

(A lot.)

Boy likes girl.

(Sometimes.)

Girl wants relationship.

(Bad.)

Boy wants to have sex.

(And thinks strawberries will seal the deal.)

 

I can only imagine how you must have felt yesterday.

People texting/calling you to see what your plans are and all you can say is:

"Joe is um... maybe taking me out at um... sometimes to um... some place."

You were probably touching up your hair/makeup a million times because this guy didn't commit to a time.

 

Remove yourself from the situation.

ASAP.

 

If I could go back in time, the one thing I would do differently in my last relationship is not to get so invested in a guy who sees me as an option and not a priority.

Sure, if you hang in there long enough he'll come around and you may get a relationship out of it, but the relationship is filled with too many of the above moments.

It's not worth it.

 

Go your own way.

There will be guys (tons of them!) out there who will want to see you as much, more, or equally as much as you want to see them.

What you have with Joe here is way too unbalanced.

He simply doesn't like you all that much.

You can do better,

[Ms Darcy]

Did you talk to him and tell him you wanted to stay over?

[mhowe]

I think the offer to take her home, and that he would take her connotes that he was thinking of more than a booty call, since they both had class the next day.

[laninaperdida]

But he left her hanging until 7 PM and then until 10 PM?

Then he shows up at 11 PM?

 

Making someone wait like this is beyond disrespectful.

And so early?

And on such an important day?

 

Whether he sees her as a booty call or not she deserves better than this type of treatment.

[mhowe]

Totally agree. At the 7pm call when he told her it would be 10pm, I would have said "maybe later this week -- not later tonite".

[Furbys]

Dumping him is going way over the top. Some people are just not into valentines day as much as others. Yes he ran late and should of let her know or he should of got everything ready earlier but he doesnt deserve to be dumped over this.

 

Did you want valentines to be 'romantic' where he cooked you dinner etc, because if you do then you need to make him aware of it. Not all guys will assume all girls love the soppy romantic stuff because not all of us do.

[blueidealist24]

It sorta does sound like he was treating you as a booty call and putting in the bare minimum of effort. I'd be offended by the comment right off the top asking when you wanted to go home.

[RedDress]

I think that the moment he said he'd pick you up at 10pm, you should have declined. Clearly that wasn't going to be much of a "proper date" which is what you wanted.

 

I don't think he was being disrespectful or a booty call or whatever... I think he just thinks of your relationship as much more casual than his roommate's, for example.

[Mephisto13]

So this guy I like kind of messed up a bit last week and it seems to me more often than not I wanted to see him more than he wants to see me.

 

By the way Valentine's Day went down...uh....yeah. You want him more than he wants you.

 

Your only over-reaction would be to go out with this guy again. Especially since this was a "proper date" in his book.

[laninaperdida]

I think that the moment he said he'd pick you up at 10pm, you should have declined. Clearly that wasn't going to be much of a "proper date" which is what you wanted.

 

I don't think he was being disrespectful or a booty call or whatever... I think he just thinks of your relationship as much more casual than his roommate's, for example.

 

This would have been the best approach.

Keep it in mind if he does anything like this in the future.

 

Personally, I wouldn't kick him to the curb completely for this, but my effort to communicate/see him would be extremely minimal.

If he called, I'd pick up, but I'd have too much pride to initiate anything now.

 

He didn't do anything wrong per se, but he sure as hell didn't do anything right.

I guess I see this behaviour as a huge red flag that he doesn't value her time, committing to spending time with her, or interested in a relationship.