Glutton for Punishment

[Flywest29]

Well I am back again, with the same problems with the same woman. Yes I know its my fault and I am a fool, I am addicted too this woman and its horrible. Well she ripped my heart out again, on Valentine's day.

 

Quick background: We have an age gap me 31 and her 41. We long distance but work at the same company just different cities. We have been "seeing" each other for over a year. She left me last June for someone else, and did it by text, would not talk to me on the phone. Told me she didn't love me and loved him and left. I went No contact and so came the summer of hell. I was a wreck, I was depressed, drinking heavily and treating myself poorly. Finally after 2 months I was starting to feel better, and guess who comes back around? Reluctantly I said I would see her, between September and now its been a roller coaster. She gets mad at me for the craziest things, and doesn't ever give me an explanation. Just shuts down ignores me, wont talk to me, on the phone, nothing. We have extreme highs and lows. She would call me names, say horrible things to me but I loved her and always tried to fight for her and get her back (I know I am a fool). This has been going on since September.

 

The last 2 weeks she has been mad at me for stupid things. I was at an NBA game and she texted and asked if she could call me. I said I am at the baketball game it'll be hard to hear you. She just texted back "haha" and then ignored me for 2 days, no reponse to calls, texts, emails, nothing. Finally after me pleading with her things were good. So I asked her to spend the night with me the following week as she would be in town, she said she couldn't. I asked her is she was sure she said yes. So I made plans that night to go to an NHL game. That day rolls around and she texts asking what I am doing and i said I am going to the hockey game. She flipped out saying I never had any intention to see her and that it was just a lie. I was * * * ? I asked her 3 times earlier and she said she couldn't. So again she goes into shutdown mode, doesn't take my calls, texts, emails, etc. Finally again after 2 days of me pleading again she comes around and tells me she loves me and asks me if I want to be with her and I say yes. Things were going well. So this past weekend we were both working in the same city and our paths would cross a few times (we are in the airline business). So Friday night I have a window of about 20 minutes to see her, and I run from one end of the terminal to the next to see her looking like an idiot. I was running late but I just wanted to see her for 5 minutes. We meet up and kiss and tell each other we love each other and go our separate ways. Monday night same thing, I am running to see her just for 5 minutes before she leaves to go back home. Also I had invited her to stay the night and she couldn't cause she only had one day off and had her kids. So I see her at her gate and I just had a vibe something was off. And I asked her to her face, "if you don't want to talk to me or do this anymore you don't have to, just tell me now and I'll walk away" She says "no baby, I want to be with you and talk to you" She kisses me and tells me she loves me and boards the plane.

 

I go home and get a text late that night from her (got when I woke up) saying "Oh so you are mad at me, its probably better that way" * * * ? Then another one saying "I don't even know you S how can you meet my kids" again * * * ? We have known each other for 2 years and she knows more about me than anyone. I have shared so much personal secrets with her and she says that. I respond back and tell her I am not mad and that I love her and want to be a part of her life. And I wished her a happy valentines day. I get a text later saying she just woke up and thats about it, nothing about what I said about her or happy valentines day. So I leave it be, then she is ignoring me again. So I ask her if she still wants to talk to me? She says "I don't know anymore". Again * * * ? I ask her what is going on and she ignores me for 3 hours and finally tells me she doesn't love me. Again won't talk to me on the phone, just a bunch of BS texts. I am hurt and angry cause I gave her the out the night before, she lied to my face and told me she loved me and wanted to be with me. She could have said no then and walked on the plane and there would be nothing I could do but turn and walk away.

 

She waited to get home and for me to figure it out and beg her (again) to tell me what the hell is going on. She told me she doesn't love me or want to be with me, she doesn't feel it, etc, etc. I am devastated and drink my face off last night, trying to scrape my heart off the floor again over this woman. Today I begged, pleaded, said nasty mean things, calling her a coward for not breaking up with me face to face or even on the phone. 2 years i have known her and all I get is texts and ignored.

 

I feel awful I have tried over and over and over again to make it work with her. All she ever does is break my heart over and over. I know this is my fault too, I mean I haven't learned my lesson yet. I have been torturing myself for almost 2 years over her. I get depressed and feel like such a fool for running to see her for 5 minutes but it made me so happy to see her for those few minutes and the whole time she is thinking "get outta here loser". I feel so low and pathetic right now trying to make it work with someone who doesn't even feel any remorse or care about how she treats me. And not to mention it was Valentines Day.

 

I know people will tell me it is my fault for putting up with it and trying to make it work with her. I just really love her and I know I am addicted to her love, when its good its amazing when its low I feel worthless. I am doing my best to get past this but this hurts so much. Less than 48 hours ago she was kissing me telling me she loved me. It was all a lie.....

[ayla]

Relationships are so hard!! You have the added bit of being essentially long distance. I understand especially the part about feeling addicted and when its good its really good and when its low feeling worthless. Have you two ever had a discussion about the dynamics of your relationship and where its going? You two could have different perspectives on what your relationship actually is...

[Flywest29]

Yes we have discussed it, but then she shuts herself down and won't talk to me about anything. This usually happens once or twice a month. I feel like I am dealing with a child a lot. She has told me she wants to marry me, wants to have a baby with me, wants to come home to me every night. But then bang she picks a fight with me or finds some reason for us not to be together, then comes around. We don't get anywhere!

[ayla]

There must be more she's not revealing. She might have commitment issues or the comment that she is like dealing with a child maybe points to her immaturity. What reasons does she give for leaving when she comes back around?

[FreedomRing]

Clearly she is out of control and erratic.

 

But the real issue is what's going on within you, that is allowing her to treat you like this. Yes you love her, but why do you not love yourself more, to put your foot down once and for all?

 

I can tell you this...just as you do not find her immature ways sexy, she does not like your doormat and non-assertiveness ways.

 

Take it from a woman. She's treating you as if she is waiting for something/someone else BETTER to come along(and that 'someone else' will be a man who is firm, has self-respect, and will put her in her place without looking back...he'll have no tolerance for this kind of stuff and might even be an Ahole) when she finds him...YOU will get the boot. Trust me.

 

Do yourself a favor - talk to someone regarding your lack of self worth and get out of dodge.

[Flywest29]

There must be more she's not revealing. She might have commitment issues or the comment that she is like dealing with a child maybe points to her immaturity. What reasons does she give for leaving when she comes back around?

 

Yes she has commitment issues she has told me she does. And yes she is immature and treats me poorly. I don't anyone that gets treated that way. I certainly don't treat her that way. The reason she gave me in the fall after she came back to me was that she loved me and always did but told me she didn't cause she couldn't see us having a relationship. That was a load of BS. The other dude most likely dumped her and I was the back up plan. All the other times she comes around within a few days telling me she loves me. This time is different though she told me she doesn't love me, she has only done that one other time and that was back when she left me. She says there is no one else, but I can't believe a word she says. She looked me in the eyes and told me she loved me and 18 hours later her texts say otherwise

[Flywest29]

Yes I know I have major self esteem issues and I am seeing a therapist for about a month now. I didn't need this kind of trauma though, it doesn't help with my battle to overcome it.

[Angel Irulan]

I didn't want to go into details on the board, but you really have to cut this behavior out. What you are experiencing is not love it's longing for someone, is my guess, and she sounds like just the person to keep you on a ledge, ready to jump off. Don't do it! Don't you realize that long distance relationships fail because you don't really get to know or love the person you're in them with? No face time. And that equals a sorry mess such as you have now.

 

Please, forget this lady! She is obviously playing you, and the days she inexplicably said that you hadn't asked to see her when you did ask her? She was likely with someone else and is using a mirror/turnabout defense so you won't suspect. This lady sounds like a female sociopath, intent on hurting you.

 

DON'T LET HER!

 

Angel

[ayla]

I am glad to hear you are getting help! I wish the best for you!

[Flywest29]

Thanks for the support. I know I don't deserve this treatment. This is the second time in less than a year she has lied to my face when she says she loves me. I gave her a second chance and she ends up doing almost the exact same thing to me, and doesn't give a crap.

[Sammy6]

Thanks for the support. I know I don't deserve this treatment. This is the second time in less than a year she has lied to my face when she says she loves me. I gave her a second chance and she ends up doing almost the exact same thing to me, and doesn't give a crap.

 

Sounds alot like my ex... best thing to do is No contact.. block her form everything.. I did and it has helped, but I have my bad days too..

[Flywest29]

I am going to do that. I called my cell provider and they are unable to block individual numbers so if I ever hear anything from her I will have to just ignore it. I can't go on like this anymore, I don't deserve this.