diorme89 Posted February 15, 2012 Share Posted February 15, 2012 So this is my second valentines day with my boyfriend. I will start off by saying that throughout the year like on my bday and christmas and for no reason, he has been overly generous surprising me with gifts so i am not ungrateful but i am disappointed in him that he did not get me anything for valentines day. On our first vday last year he got me concert tickets and flowers. This year he just got me flowers and a card and nothing else. I got him a pair of really expensive jeans he wanted and he kept saying you shouldn't have baby, i wasn't expecting anything. I just don't get why he didn't think to get me anything, i kept hinting that i would be getting him something for that exact reason. Do you think he feels bad that i thought about getting him something????I need some insight please!!!!!! Link to comment
guynextdoor Posted February 15, 2012 Share Posted February 15, 2012 You are telling us 2 different things. First you said you got flowers and a card but yet later you said he didn't get you anything. Is your relationship really about gifts? If i was your bf I would give the jeans back to you and you get yourself something fancy with it. Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 15, 2012 Share Posted February 15, 2012 I think your expectations are unreasonable. He did get you flowers and a card. That you bought him expensive jeans, way over the top --- is your issue. And throughout the year, he is generous and giving....you need to dial back your feelings of entitlement. He doesn't feel bad -- he feels like you went too far. His gift was perfectly reasonable. Link to comment
diorme89 Posted February 15, 2012 Author Share Posted February 15, 2012 yea i see your point. I mean we usually are over the top with each other thats why it surprised me on his part. The fact that he got me tickets last year and nothing this year aside from flowers and a card, is what kind of confused me. I am very grateful for the card and flowers and don't mind having gotten him the jeans because he is always so great with me but i guess i was just expecting something else. Link to comment
guynextdoor Posted February 15, 2012 Share Posted February 15, 2012 So every year he has to out do the previous years in gifts? Man if thats the case i will donate my powerball tickets and hope he wins. Link to comment
RedDress Posted February 15, 2012 Share Posted February 15, 2012 +1 for "you are overreacting". He got you something - flowers and a card. That is very nice. It didn't match the dollar value that you expected, but it doesn't sound like you clarified that ahead of time, either. It's simply a miscommunication. Next time, if you are going to get all upset about it, agree on a $$ range to spend on each other (under $20, $20-$50, $50-$100, $100+, etc). Link to comment
diorme89 Posted February 15, 2012 Author Share Posted February 15, 2012 yea you guys are totally right Link to comment
Kaytie Posted February 15, 2012 Share Posted February 15, 2012 The best part of my Valentine's Day was having dinner and family time with my partner and step-daughter. I also got chocolate and a beautiful, thoughtful card, but it was the time with both of my favourite girls that mattered the most. Link to comment
annie24 Posted February 15, 2012 Share Posted February 15, 2012 flowers and a card is very nice. don't be ungrateful. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted February 15, 2012 Share Posted February 15, 2012 People learn to be appreciative of things when they are not showered with them all the time. I think what he gave you was lovely. Link to comment
superfan Posted February 15, 2012 Share Posted February 15, 2012 See, this is the reason I HATE valentine's day. People say "oh, but it's just about having a day to show somebody that you care about them", but really it's about challenging the other person to "get it right" and assigning a monetary value to their affections in the form of gifts. It's that thought process of "if he doesn't get me something worth as much as what I got him he doesn't care or he doesn't love me". This is the reason my husband and I refuse to buy each other/go out together/or otherwise celebrate valentine's day AT ALL. Because the 364 days of the rest of the year are FAR more important than one day. If you had specific expectations (either gift-wise or something you wanted to do WITH him) you should have just told him straight out. Subjecting him to some kind of valentine's "test" of 'did you get me as good a gift as I got you' is only going to end in disappointment and/or resentment. You said that he treats you well the rest of the year and randomly surprises you. Do you KNOW how rare that is???? And no, he may not have gotten you a gift worth as much as what you got him, but he did go out of his way to get you a card and flowers. Be grateful the thought was there. Almost every gift I buy for my husband is "worth" more from a monetary standpoint than what he gets me. But his gifts (though they may not be expensive) are ALWAYS incredibly thoughtful and always something I will love and he knows that. He gets rather annoyed at me for spending money on gifts for him. Do I get annoyed at him because the book he got me didn't cost the same as the playstation I got him?? Of course not. Because I know he watched me pick that book up, eye it and put it down. And I know he went back to that store, and when it wasn't there searched a few others to find it. That means something to me. And I am grateful for that. Be grateful for his thoughtfulness. Link to comment
DN Posted February 15, 2012 Share Posted February 15, 2012 See, this is the reason I HATE valentine's day. People say "oh, but it's just about having a day to show somebody that you care about them", but really it's about challenging the other person to "get it right" and assigning a monetary value to their affections in the form of gifts. It's that thought process of "if he doesn't get me something worth as much as what I got him he doesn't care or he doesn't love me". This is the reason my husband and I refuse to buy each other/go out together/or otherwise celebrate valentine's day AT ALL. Because the 364 days of the rest of the year are FAR more important than one day. Totally agree - my wife and I have ignored V-Day for years, partly for this reason and partly because it is an invented holiday for commercial interests. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted February 15, 2012 Share Posted February 15, 2012 The most my husband and I get each other is a card. Then only sometimes. This year my gift was to get him home from his deployment the night before. That was all I needed to see his beautiful smile. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted February 15, 2012 Share Posted February 15, 2012 My husband got me chocolates and a card. What he really got me? Coming home 20 minutes early (which means battling rush hour traffic) so that I could have that time to myself after taking care of our son all day. He also asked if he could take me to dinner another night (we both didn't want to go out last night -too much trouble/too expensive). I think your expectations are unrealistic- he gave you a V-day gift and you're keeping score and comparing it to last year. That's not a very loving attitude. Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 15, 2012 Share Posted February 15, 2012 My husband got me chocolates and a card. What he really got me? Coming home 20 minutes early (which means battling rush hour traffic) so that I could have that time to myself after taking care of our son all day. He also asked if he could take me to dinner another night (we both didn't want to go out last night -too much trouble/too expensive). I think your expectations are unrealistic- he gave you a V-day gift and you're keeping score and comparing it to last year. That's not a very loving attitude. Ditto -- received card and chocs from bf --- after a fantastic home cooked dinner Sun. nite. And a call to wish me Happy Vday ---which is out of the norm because we generally do not talk during the work day. And because he did --- it meant a lot. Learn to appreciate the thought. Link to comment
jenny_mcs Posted February 15, 2012 Share Posted February 15, 2012 What he really got me? Coming home 20 minutes early (which means battling rush hour traffic) Ha, yes! My husband and I both made an effort to come home a bit early, took the dogs for a walk, got sushi to go and enjoyed it with a nice bottle of wine. It was perfect for us. I really can't believe the number of threads where people are complaining about their partners actions on Valentine's Day. It's sad. Link to comment
RedDress Posted February 15, 2012 Share Posted February 15, 2012 See, this is the reason I HATE valentine's day. People say "oh, but it's just about having a day to show somebody that you care about them", but really it's about challenging the other person to "get it right" and assigning a monetary value to their affections in the form of gifts. It's that thought process of "if he doesn't get me something worth as much as what I got him he doesn't care or he doesn't love me". But is that unique to Valentine's day? I don't think so. I think you get the same problem on ALL gift-exchanging holidays (hello xmas, I'm looking at you!) I think you can celebrate all of these holidays without all the pressure by communicating expectations. And really? I don't know why gift-giving is EVER extravagant (but maybe that's me and I'm just a cheap-arse). It really IS supposed to be about the thought. Just bring it back to the thought. To not celebrate at all in protest is throwing the baby out with the bath water, IMO. But... I'll celebrate Kwanzaa if you tell me when it is and what to bring. LOL! Link to comment
superfan Posted February 15, 2012 Share Posted February 15, 2012 But is that unique to Valentine's day? I don't think so. I think you get the same problem on ALL gift-exchanging holidays (hello xmas, I'm looking at you!) I think you can celebrate all of these holidays without all the pressure by communicating expectations. And really? I don't know why gift-giving is EVER extravagant (but maybe that's me and I'm just a cheap-arse). It really IS supposed to be about the thought. Just bring it back to the thought. To not celebrate at all in protest is throwing the baby out with the bath water, IMO. But... I'll celebrate Kwanzaa if you tell me when it is and what to bring. LOL! Definitely not unique to Valentine's day, but Valentine's day is generally responsible for causing that kind of pressure in COUPLES. Yeah it can happen with Christmas too (and believe me I don't care much for Christmas either, but it's hard to avoid celebrating a holiday that's everywhere -dinner invitations, family obligations, work parties, secret santas, gift exchanges, etc.)...much easier to avoid participating in Valentine's day.... So no, I don't see it as 'throwing the baby out with the bathwater' to avoid celebrating valentine's day and honestly if I could avoid celebrating Christmas I would too. My husband and I don't exchange gifts on our anniversary either - we usually try to go somewhere but no gifts. My point was that when we DO exchange gifts we don't think about the monetary value - we think about what the gift means to the other person. But Christmas has a quasi religious meaning to some people so I can understand there is a religious element along with the gift giving. Same with Easter....there is no religious aspect to Valentine's day. It is PURELY commercial. Link to comment
LSgirl Posted February 15, 2012 Share Posted February 15, 2012 This is my second vday with my bf and while he didn't get anything of a specific item, he did take me to the beach at night, made a fire, played music, brought wine, caviar, duck pate, and other cool foods from Whole Foods I never tasted before. I didn't care about a gift, I was so impressed with what he did I couldn't care less about receiving a piece of jewelry or anything of that nature. I never expect anything from him, I appreciate the fact that he chooses to be with me everyday, and this is just another day to show appreciation. When I was younger I probably would have been upset if a bf didn't get me anything. I couldnt afford to get him anything either, so I took a deck of cards and binded them with two rings and wrote 52 Things I Love About You, he loved it! Also, I do notice that there are a lot of disappointments on V-Day, did you know most of the breakups on Facebook are listed the day after V-Day? Link to comment
DN Posted February 15, 2012 Share Posted February 15, 2012 One thing I have noticed is that some people (not the OP) who complain about not getting much or anything at all, don't do much for their partners either. They seem to think they deserve more. Link to comment
Mercurial Girl Posted February 15, 2012 Share Posted February 15, 2012 Oh my god I'm beginning to hate Valentine's day because of self obsessed posts like these. A card and flowers isn't enough?! AHHH! That's MORE than enough! Holy lack of appreciation people. I will now refer to Feb 14 as "prove your love by the extravagance/price/creativity/surprise of your gift day"!! Link to comment
Citlali Posted February 15, 2012 Share Posted February 15, 2012 I didn't even spend valentines day with my significant other because he was working and it was my birthday too. No big deal! It's not like we don't spend time with each other all year. In my opinion, to expect anything at all to me is ridiculous. To get mad when you actually get SOMETHING is even worse, as is bringing up all you have bought for the other person. It makes me think that people like that only do good things for others in order to get something bigger in return. Link to comment
PhilliesFan001 Posted February 16, 2012 Share Posted February 16, 2012 Be grateful for what you got, that was sweet of him. People with such high expectations really ruin the holiday. I think even just spending the day together is nice. When did holidays turn into such gift giving extravaganzas? I know Christmas is really THE gift holiday but now Valentine's Day is all about spending as much as you can on chocolates/jewelry/flowers and women expecting some sort of grand romantic movie gesture. Even on EASTER, my little cousins now get video games and one got a cell phone! It's crazy. My boyfriend has been away for a couple months and just being able to see him on V day would have been amazing. He sent me a beautiful letter to remind me how much he loves me and that made my whole day. Forget the material crap - it's so easy to run to CVS and grab some generic card and stuffed animal holding a heart. What matters more are the personal touches - spending the day together, showing your love in other ways. Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted February 16, 2012 Share Posted February 16, 2012 This is exactly the reason why I feel so bad for all men. It's the perfect example of "damned if they do, damned if they don't". No matter what a guy does, it's just never right, or never enough. I can totally understand why men feel so negative towards women these days. Link to comment
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