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Was This Guy Playing me? He flaked out on me!


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This guy and I would text once in a while. He tended to comment on my status's on facebook a bunch of times. At one point we finally were able to hangout. His car was broken, so I decided to drive to his house. He had plans to go to Boston, but instead said he would hang out with me (it was the superbowel and he said he wasnt the biggest sports fan anyway). I met his mother, and all 3 of us made dinner. I did drink a bit with him...but I didn't get wasted. He said "wow youre pretty funny" he also told me I'm very cute/sexy..and said my outfit looked great (leggings, with shorts and a fitting shirt..nothing trashy). We talked about a lot of things, and he told me he thought I was very smart. He would even use my phrases (i said i was told i was too smart for my own good) and he used it. At night, I slept in his bed, but we didn't have sex, but we made out A LOT(he also knew I was on my period because I took some midol).


A week before we hung out, I had a status about needing a valentine, and he liked it. So I wrote in his inbox "oooh alex so you'll be my valentine" and he said "hehe ;p My car needs a grand worth of work, but if im around ill take you out". Well when we woke up, before I went home we kissed, and he would always pull strands of hair out my face, and look me deep in the eyes. And then in a flirty way I said "so are you gonna keep your promise?" and he said "what promise? I don't remember making a promise" and i said "About you being my valentine" and he said "Oh yeah we'll if im around blah blah blah" and I said "fine I guess I'm gonna have to find someone else" and he said "well no one picks the best places like I do, I will take you out if im still in town (we were at his moms)" then he said "ill call you..I mean text ya". And I left.


This was back on monday. Obviously Vday has already passed and he never even texted me once in the whole week. He flaked out on me. My guy friend told me he's an * * * * * * * . I never texted him because I don't wanna look desperate, even though asking him to be my valentine probably looked desperate anyway. Was this guy playing me, even though he was so flirty? Im 20, hes 23

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'Oh yeah we'll if im around '...


That i would translate to mean: if i'm not with another girl... or if i don't have something better to do...


If the guy isn't considerate enough to either make concrete plans or follow up with you to let you know what is going on, he's a jerk! He's already showed you after the first meeting that he's inconsiderate and doesn't respect your time or desire to make plans, so don't waste any more time with him, or he'll just jerk you around.


Also, don't get into sexual situations with him like making out in his bed until he's dated you a bit and you know he's looking for more than casual sex or a FWB relationship. If you want a relationship that is more permanent, then don't agree to these random hookups when you don't know the guy very well and don't know whether he wants to date or just have casual sex.

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He used all the classic seduction lines to get you into bed and to keep you sweet until you left, and all the classic blow off phrases to cover his tracks for when he doesn't contact you again. It doesn't matter that you didn't have full out sex with him, you still gave him plenty, enough for him to see you as a great person to have no strings attached fun with. Yes, this guy played you...but you were a willing participant in that you chose to get too physically intimate too soon.

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I wouldn't say he played you. He was upfront about not committing to anything. Flirting and making out doesn't indicate a commitment. Actually it was you who asked about him being your valentine. I agree with the others that it's better not to get sexual at such an early stage, and any attention and compliments a guy gives you in that situation shouldn't be taken as meaning anything serious. Don't give so much so soon. Hold back more. Good luck.

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Hindsight, as they say, is 20/20.


Just because he liked your status about needing a valentine doesn't mean that he wanted to be your valentine. Maybe he thought it was cute or funny and decided to 'like' it, but obviously, he didn't have any real intentions of taking you out to dinner and getting you roses, as you see. "If I'm around...." really isn't promising either, as LavenderDove pointed out - it's basically, 'if I don't have anything else to do that night, maybe...." Not the romantic enthusiasm you were hoping for.


Sounds like this guy likes spending time and making out with you, but not enough to actually pursue you and have a relationship. blah. you can do so much better than him, i am sure. I guess you have seen the signs now and will know in the future if a guy isn't showing that much interest. good luck to you.

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He didn't play you. He simply wasn't interested in meeting up again. That happens a lot in early dating. That's why it's better to watch the feet -his actions over a longer period of time- than the lips -what he says or what he types. Not because he's lying but because expressing what you feel in the moment to someone you've recently met isn't the same as when that is expressed over a period of months and is consistent with caring actions.

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