Pouring all my feelings out

[1TAKENi]

So I was in a really good mood earlier today. There will be times in my life that I can handle the fact that my ex bf left me. But then there are times reality hits me and Im not sure whether he loved me and or cared about me in the first place. I mean we have been through so much and even he noticed Im trying to change for the GOOD. Its so devastating for me because he went from gradually caring about me to NOTHING. I feel like a rock, and no matter what I try Im stuck with these feelings. I know Im the only one that can control them, but I dont get over an ex fast. This guy was my true first bf and its so hard because I had so many goals and dreams with him, now they are all shatterred. I dont want him to feel pity for me and think Im a loser. I dont want to be that weak girl. But I waske up every morning, thinking about how we left off. I know Im not that strong right now because I wouldnt h ave broken the NC after a week. But I always freak out that he forgot me. I just dont want him to think I FORGOT about him. And I know if its love it will come back to you. But I dont want him to remember the old me, he wont want to get back with that. Doesnt he know inspite of all of our fights I still love and care about him. I think about him all the time,, and this has been the biggest burden of my life, this breakup. I'll be fine one moment, and then the thought of him makes me upset. Im very upset with myself because I know Im doing the wrong thing by calling him, its really not going to help anything but feed to my addiction of missing him. I feel like sadness has taken over me and sometimes I consider a couselor or something because I dont know how long Im going to feel this way. Its deteriorating me and its been 5 months already. Im so hurt!!!!! I feel hopeless

[digdug]

When we've been in a relationship that has failed because we know we had things to work on, it's hard. I'm going through that as well. I know what you are saying, you feel hopeless and lost. You're scared to move forward because each step that you take in that direction feels like it's going to take you further away from that relationship. But, there are reasons why these things happen, and there are reasons why your ex felt he needed to move on. Your time for proving that to him is over, and at some point you have to find comfort that this time is for you. Only when you are comfortable with yourself, and your thoughts, will you be ready for a relationship with someone else.

 

Counseling is good, if you keep the process in perspective, IMO. I found comfort in my counseling sessions, not from the the perspective of what she could do for me, but it gives me an unbiased person that I can talk to. She gives me input, but for the most part she just lets me talk. Talking about yourself is good therapy. After 5 months of struggling, it might be a good start for you.

 

I hate to see people hurt like you are, and I know you've heard it a million times, but take this time for you. Allow yourself to feel bad, sad, and angry but instead of letting that define who you are, use it as a tool to drive you. Prove to yourself that you are better then this. Prove to him that you are capable of moving on from him. Prove to him that he was dead wrong, and that you intend, and are, improving yourself daily. You may never be able to prove to him visually that this has happened, but who cares?

 

He hasn't forgotten about you, but made the choice to move on for him. No one "forgets" a past someone, they choose to put it in the past and do what is best for them. Take this time to do that for yourself as well. You don't have to forget about him, and you can still care, as he was someone you shared your life with. But take from that relationship all of the good, and repair the bad.

 

The best motivator in all of this for you should be proving to yourself that you are better than this. At this point it shouldn't matter if he loved or cared for you. What matters is what is happening now. He sounds like he is doing what is best for him, and in the name of pride, it's time you did the same for you.

 

Good luck to you

~dig

[1TAKENi]

Thanks alot!! I appreciate your input!! I'll will mosttly try to work on this, its my only option left!

[digdug]

Thanks alot!! I appreciate your input!! I'll will mosttly try to work on this, its my only option left!

 

You're more than welcome. Please let me know how you are doing. I'm happy to help however I can.

 

You have LOTS of options, it's just a matter of whether you choose to seek them out, learn from them, and find joy in your life.

 

I hope you do that. There isn't a person on here who doesn't deserve to find happiness again. Now, go get it!

 

 

 

~dig

[BlueEagle]

What you're going through is not uncommon at all. Far from it. Everybody experiences grief, sadness, anger, rejection in their own ways and heals at their own pace. It can very well be devastating to the point akin to losing someone due to death. That person is, for all intents and purposes, "dead" to you because the relationship didn't work out and he is out of your life.

 

Im not sure whether he loved me and or cared about me in the first place.

 

I'm sure he must have cared about you if he was with you. Sometimes relationships just don't work out for whatever reason. More relationships fail than succeed. They're not easy. They require a lot of hard work, maintenance, patience, communication/listening skills, empathy, and willing/able to solve conflict/compromise. Some relationships just aren't compatible at all. Try not to make sure yourself out to be unlovable, or that you were entirely to blame. More often than that there's enough blame to go around both people on why things didn't work out.

 

Doesnt he know inspite of all of our fights I still love and care about him.

 

I'm sure he does. But, he feels that, for whatever reason, right or wrong, that the relationship wasn't working with you and had to sever it. He has to do what he feels is right for himself, just like you need for yourself. Sometimes love is just not enough, unfortunately.

 

Talk to your friends and family about it. Write your thoughts down in a journal. Try to keep yourself busy with activities that you enjoy to provide a healthy distraction. Try not to isolate yourself because that will only keep you thinking more and more about him. And if you feel it would be beneficial, then yes see a counselor. That's nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about. You have to take care of yourself. A breakup is never easy. I still miss my ex greatly and think of the fond memories with her, but I realize there were bad times, too, that I conveniently ignore. The bad times are sobering because it shows the problems that were never addressed and would have more than likely continued to fester. You can't make someone love you. And even if you could, is that something you'd want? Wouldn't you want them to be into you because that's how they truly feel? If he wants to get back with you then that's something he will have to decide on his own and he will know how to contact you. But don't put your life on hold for something that may never happen, or false hope. It's best to take time out for yourself during this difficult time and take gradual steps on moving forward at your own comfortable pace. I know this is all easier said than done, but it's really the only thing in your power you can do.

 

Along with healing yourself through talking about it and staying busy with distractions, it's also important to be reflective and introspective toward what you have learned from this relationship and what works and what you can use towards your next relationship (and conversely, what does not work). You'll grow from it, be an even better relationship partner, and realize you are indeed lovable and have a great deal to offer to the next lucky man in your life.