When do you draw the line?

[Tanzi]

I don't either -you wrote that she seemed to connect the two as in you went for the "good looking" guys instead of the "nice" guys. Friendships can be hard when it comes to talking about dating/relationships but I find friends' perspectives helpful and interesting.

 

Oh she definitely connected the two ... but I think she said it more for her benefit than there actually being any truth to it. It relates (to a degree) to the point you made above about it being easy to judge others when you think (or want to think in my friends case) that you have your life sussed perfectly.

 

I know exactly what she must be thinking about me dating a guy 15 years younger then myself ..... "you always did like younger guys". All because I dated someone for 4 years once who was 8 months younger than me when I wad 17! She said it once before when we were in our early 20s and I was attracted to a guy slightly younger then myself. Maybe a year or so younger.

[PhilliesFan001]

The line is different for everybody - and I don't think it's anybody's place to judge someone else for divorcing.

[DWNWRDSPRL]

I want my daughter to know marriage is special, not something to throw away when things get a little tough.. I'm just wondering what others think about this as it's really bothering me!

 

You better believe marriage is special and not something to throw away when it gets a little tough.

 

I read something in a book that helped me a ton. It said that I vowed to love, honor, and cherish my wife when I married her and that meant 24/7 365 days of the year.

 

Even.....when she doesn't deserve it.

 

That hit me like a slap in the face and I can admit that I felt somewhat ashamed of how I had acted when venting to other men about her.

 

For me, abuse, addiction, and adultery are the big three. I don't think I could put up with any of those or a combination of them. But like someone else said, your mileage may vary.

 

It sounds like the two of you have let outside stressors interfere with your relationship....and it is very easy to let that happen. I know that has happened several times in my marriage. But she and I have pressed on, realizing that a marriage takes a ton of work on both ends to make it happy. We have our valleys too.....as every marriage does.

 

Others telling you to run get a quickie divorce? Frankly, that needs to stop. I have had a couple tell me the same thing and I simply say "Not going to happen." That usually ends that.

 

I come from divorced parents...my wife does not. In therapy one day, something leapt out at me during the discussion. Every argument we get into, I see as the potential end of the affair. It is the first thing I think of and it causes a great deal of fear and anxiety in me.

 

She, on the other hand, saw her parents argue all the time.......but they would eventually work it out and become closer. So an argument to her was a chance to strengthen the marriage, so to speak.

 

We saw each and every argument from our own perspectives and upbringings. Now, I try to see it from her end....as a chance to understand one another and a learning experience and it has helped me tremendously.

 

Go to him. Sit him down and tell him that you love him and will always love him and that you are there for him. See what happens. See if the underlying issues come out in a more pleasant setting and see if the two of you can work them out.

[The_Seeker]

There we go. THIS!

 

Also please watch FIREPROOF movie. Maybe that will answer your questions.