"Taking a break"

[OneQuestion]

Hello,

 

My girlfriend (or "ex" girlfriend at this point) have (had) been dating for almost 3.5 years, and we are both each other's first relationship. She went

to England for a summer and met a guy who lives in the same area as us and became close friends. When she came back everything was fine, although she

told me that the guy she met kept telling her he had a crush on her. I immediately wanted to tell her to stop hanging out with him, but she does not

have very many friends that have similar interests, and I did not want to deny her another, nor did I want to be the boyfriend to tell her not to hang

out with people.

 

Boy do I regret that.

 

I went on a road trip with a few friends around the country for three weeks in the winter and saw the country and had a great time. I texted her constantly

as we always do. When I got back she told me that she wanted to "take a break"... and wanted to see where a relationship with Mr. England would go. I was

heartbroken, I still am. It's only been a few weeks but it feels like months. She never told me anything was wrong, and would not listen to me when I begged

her not to do it.

 

The worst part is that I see her reasoning. We are both 22, and have been dating each other since we were 18. She was happy with me, but she wants to see what

else the world has before settling down. She didn't want to miss out on the experience of dating, and doesn't want me to either. I, on the other hand, am fine

not knowing. I know I love her and want to be with her forever. Our families know each other, my baby cousins are infatuated with her, my grand parents make me

bring her every time I come to visit. We have a good relationship. We fight sometimes, but never seriously and never holding a grudge, we were physically intimate

and happy.

 

I don't know what to think. She says it's a break, and hasn't gone to "single" on facebook, but immediately started dating the guy after telling me, and went on a

few "dates" while I was away. She didn't cheat, and the dates were just dinner and a movie, but still... I feel a little betrayed. I trusted her to have a close male

friend and she decided to see where it goes.

 

Again, she says that it's a break and I hope that it is, and that we will see where we are at in six months. She mentioned that it might turn out to be nothing, but

I'm not sure that wasn't just something to comfort me. The guy moves about 1000 miles away around the same time, but I am worried she will still try to persue a

relationship. Some people tell me to forget her because she did this. I don't agree. Sure, it's hard, but we are both young and she wants to see what dating has to

offer. I am willing to let it pass, as a kind of "fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice shame on me" kind of thing. The "taking a break" conversation spanned

multiple days where we both cried almost endlessly.

 

She has since become pretty resistant hanging out and her texts and very short and maintaining a conversation is impossible. I personally feel like she is doing that

because she will have a harder time doing this if she sees me.

 

I don't know what to do. I don't want to date anybody, because I could never care for them enough and, come six months, I will dump them without a doubt. I love her

and I will wait for her. I've since started a journal and spend a lot of time with friends and exercising, but nights are hard and I usually have to go to sleep early

otherwise I break down.

 

Should I give her space? I am of a split mind on this. Obviously, she needs space, but I worry that if I give her too much space she will stop loving me, and she will

not come back to me, but if I give her space she might also miss me. Now, if I don't give her space, she might get annyoed and I will hurt the situation. It could also

help.

 

Today is espeically hard for me, as I usually spoil her quite a bit on valentines day, but I resolved not to talk to her at all and let her have her space.

 

 

I am in love, and not a standard 22 year old love. I can't imagine anything else that matters more to me than her. I would quit my job and drop out of school and move

into a shack in the mountains with her if she wanted. That actually sounds really nice.

 

What is the best course of action I can take to get her back? My current plan is to give her space and come spring / summer offer to do things with her that she enjoys

that the other guy can't offer. She loves the outdoors and the guy she is seeing now isn't very athletic. She has a huge thing for motorcycles, and I have one... he doesn't.

These all sound like petty things, but I need a way to get her to come back.

 

Does this sound like a recoverable situation? Can anyone shed some light?

 

Thanks for reading.

[OneQuestion]

Also, the break has been good... in a way. I see all the things that I had started to take for granted, but all that does is make me want her back sooner and love her more.

[dumPI]

Another proof that when they want "time" & "space", it's usually because there is someone else involved.

What is the only thing you can't do 100% while being in a relationship? Yes, that's right. Getting to know someone else.

 

You are not giving you enough value. You said it yourself: "I love her and don't want to try to date others to see what I find". So she does that because she doesn't love you anymore. She wants to date around and if she doesn't find something better she wants you to be her safety net.

 

Yours is not a break, it's a break up in disguise.

 

Disappear from today. As if you were dead to her. You are giving her all the space & time in her life.

 

If you don't believe it's going to be like this, read a little bit all the stories here. ALL are almost the same.

[EgoJoe]

Ok, you want her back, here is what you do.

 

Send this text, "You are selfish. I loved you. I won't be here for you when you're done playing the field and everything that entails. Consider this the real breakup for the passive aggressive one you tried to play off on me, you're pathetic."

 

Go NC for a minimum of a year. Do not respond to anything she says.

 

Go on a one man mission to notch your bed post and if she wants you back after a year, you make her prove it. Consider it a blessing in disguise. Go forth and get your swerve on.

[pl3asehelp]

2 excellent posts above.

[LastMan]

"Taking a break" is a power play, initiated by her, that allows her to sleep with others while exiling you into limbo. If she does come back, it will be a one-sided relationship where she holds all the cards, and therefore doomed to fail.

 

That is, of course, unless you follow dumPI and EgoJoe's advice.

[pl3asehelp]

Also, take that crap with the other dude as a lesson. In the future set boundries for yourself with a woman before you get serious with her. In this situation you have a guy that admitted to having a crush on her. Well for me, personally, my boundary there is you have no contact with a member of the opposite sex who's openly communicated they have feelings for you. That's just inappropriate. You make it known before hand this is a boundary of yours you won't have to put up with BS allegations of being controlling, insecure or jealous - you know the real reason. Don't put up with any women who behave otherwise.

[The_Seeker]

1.) Break up with her.

 

2.) Delete her. Phone number, Facebook, email, pictures, presents whatever

 

2.) The faster you move on, the faster you heal.

 

3.) Workout, hang out with friends, and write things you always wanted to.

 

4.) Go get yourself a better girlfriend.

 

No girlfriend would ever make their man feel insecure about her in the relationship nor will a boyfriend ever keep their girl feel insecure about him int he relationship.

 

Trust me, I learned the hard way when my first boyfriend suggested that when he came back from Italy. We've been together under a year.

 

But I can tell you one thing, your next relationship will be better than your first.

 

So far my third relationship is way better than my first.

 

It takes time to find a good relationship and you can find one if you take the first step toward your life.

[Nearbot]

You've been given some excellent advice above! But I also think you should realize that even if you had a told her not to hang out with him, that this still would have happened. With him or with another guy. It sounds like she was ready to experience something new.

 

You need to stop focusing on trying to get her back and focus on yourself and how you can get a girl who loves you and would NEVER leave you for another guy. After a break-up, it does feel like you'll never find anyone else as good as that person, but you will. You so will. So many people can tell you that. Stop texting her and let her go.

[The_Seeker]

You've been given some excellent advice above! But I also think you should realize that even if you had a told her not to hang out with him, that this still would have happened. With him or with another guy. It sounds like she was ready to experience something new.

 

Doesn't matter if he told her or not. She SHOULD OF THOUGHT about HOW HER BOYFRIEND WOULD FEEL and HOW SHE WOULD FEEL.

 

That's what relationship about. it's RELLLAAAATTTTIIINNNGGG....now ain't that sexy?

 

 

You need to stop focusing on trying to get her back and focus on yourself and how you can get a girl who loves you and would NEVER leave you for another guy. After a break-up, it does feel like you'll never find anyone else as good as that person, but you will. You so will. So many people can tell you that. Stop texting her and let her go.

 

Amen to that, brother!

[Scuza]

Although she didn't physically cheat, she emotionally cheated on you.

Dump her on her ass, she does not deserve you. She wants to 'see what else is out there' when she already has something amazing in you? FORGET IT.

She'll realize she's lost something great, and by the time she does, you should be long gone.

[duke nukem]

Dude, I had something similar happen to me. We did actually break up in November, but she said she didn't want to date anyone and we were still closer than just friends. Last week she said we should enjoy being young and meet new people. What she didn't tell me was that she had been dating a guy for a day or two before that. Found out they were together today from someone else. I know exactly how you feel.

 

I've moved on, and you should too. That doesn't mean completely forget her or give up on the possibility of being together again, but if she's dating and you just hang around, she'll know you are still waiting for her. Let this play out, and if she doesn't want to get back together, you know what kind of person she really is, and that she doesn't deserve you. I know how hard it is, BELIEVE ME, you and I are in the same boat. All we can do now is go no contact, meet new girls, and see where things go.

 

And yeah, she kind of did betray you. Don't resent her, but use it as reasoning on why to move on like I did. Good luck man, I didn't think I could do it but I did, so I know you can too.

[The_Seeker]

Oh you will forget about her and don't give a toilet about the possibility of being together again because you ALREADY found someone BETTER.

 

I used to think like that when it came to my first ex.

 

Now, I just sit back and laugh how I used to be crazy about him now I'm crazy about my current.

[duke nukem]

Oh you will forget about her and don't give a toilet about the possibility of being together again because you ALREADY found someone BETTER.

 

I used to think like that when it came to my first ex.

 

Now, I just sit back and laugh how I used to be crazy about him now I'm crazy about my current.

 

 

The reason I say don't forget is so that you can use what you have learned to better yourself in the future. And also, I don't like to burn bridges.

 

People can change. If I could change for the better, then someone I had loved before can as well. But for now, yeah forget about her. I did and I feel so much better.

[The_Seeker]

The reason I say don't forget is so that you can use what you have learned to better yourself in the future. And also, I don't like to burn bridges.

 

People can change. If I could change for the better, then someone I had loved before can as well. But for now, yeah forget about her. I did and I feel so much better.

 

Burn bridges is better than being drag into the cat and mouse game.

 

Nope, people can change IF THEY CHOOSE TO.

 

Which i doubt it.

[duke nukem]

Burn bridges is better than being drag into the cat and mouse game.

 

Nope, people can change IF THEY CHOOSE TO.

 

Which i doubt it.

 

I'm changing, I know I am. The problem is that it isn't easy, so not everyone can, does or wants to.

 

But to each their own. I know nothing of your past, present or future, so please don't think I'm judging you or anything. That was one of my problems before, and I ain't going back there!

[The_Seeker]

I'm changing, I know I am. The problem is that it isn't easy, so not everyone can, does or wants to.

 

But to each their own. I know nothing of your past, present or future, so please don't think I'm judging you or anything. That was one of my problems before, and I ain't going back there!

 

 

LOL Feel free to read my journal so you can know of my past or present. Future, will be for later.

[lostlion]

I can relate. I had the same move pulled on me by my ex who left me for a longtime guy friend who expressed his feelings toward her. I'm forcing myself to move on, and while it's difficult you have to. I know I can walk away knowing that I did the best I could do with that relationship, and if that wasn't enough then it's her loss at this point because there will eventually be that one girl who'll appreciate what I have to offer. If she has a change of heart I will consider working it out with her to make a better relationship, but friendship is off the table.

[OneQuestion]

I don't see how being a safety net is a bad thing. What else is a relationship for but support?

[The_Seeker]

I don't see how being a safety net is a bad thing. What else is a relationship for but support?

 

Heh, do you really want someone to want you because you were just an option OR would you like someone who consider their choice?

 

Yea, safety net is a bad thing because you are using the person because you know the person will never leave you and therefore you never truly develop feelings.

 

You say those three words how much you love them miss them never leave them and when it comes you finding your type, you break up easily and move on.

 

So every thing you said was "an act." You were just playing a role. You've been living a meaningless relationship.

 

Yea that's why safety net is a biatch.

 

People have different intentions instead of the same.

[OneQuestion]

Everyone makes mistakes, I am willing to give her another chance.

[The_Seeker]

Everyone makes mistakes, I am willing to give her another chance.

 

Heh, everyone make mistakes but when it comes to really relationships. Sometimes they DON'T.

 

But your choice. Your life.

[OneQuestion]

I know her, and I know that if she won't come back if she doesn't want to. I also know that if she does come back she will know that she made a terrible mistake. It will be a lesson that she will learn from. She is naive in a few ways, and I think she'll realize that I am a lot better than him. I hope.

[Heidern]

Everyone makes mistakes, I am willing to give her another chance.

 

I used to think like this too. I gave her a second and a third chance. Did I get anything out of it? Yes, but I also delayed the inevitable. Look, you don't have to be Jesus. People make their mistakes, but forgiveness comes from letting time go by to the point where you just don't care about the issue at hand. At that point in time you'll be able to reevaluate the situation and see if it's really worth giving it another shot.

 

My guess is that it probably won't.

[dumPI]

I know her, and I know that if she won't come back if she doesn't want to. I also know that if she does come back she will know that she made a terrible mistake. It will be a lesson that she will learn from. She is naive in a few ways, and I think she'll realize that I am a lot better than him. I hope.

 

The best chance you can give her for making up her mind is vanishing from her side. When do you think she is going to realize you are the one? After dating 1, 2, 100 different guys? are you going to be by her side wondering when she is going to stop and realize, wondering if the next guy is the last?

 

Good luck!