somethngwrng Posted February 15, 2012 Share Posted February 15, 2012 It's funny because I was really torn up and insecure over the break up. Now it's like in one night my whole frame has been reversed. I don't even care if she talks to me again, which I'm sure she will. Exactly the same thing happened to me when my ex slept with me - I didn't even know she had a BF and she cheated on him multiple times with me. Basically found out she'd been lying to both of us. Went from caring to not, overnight. That was 3 weeks ago and I certainly don't give a damn. I feel sorry for her, for him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LastMan Posted February 20, 2012 Author Share Posted February 20, 2012 Well, she showed up at my house today bawling her eyes out claiming she was going to quit her job and kill herself. She had promised her boyfriend the day before that she would never see me again. The boyfriend did a drive-by and saw her car parked in front of my house. She talked to him on the phone and he's raging. Apparently he's done with her. She left my place, said she couldn't stay, and I slammed the door on her. The drama continues... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
somethngwrng Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 Just ban her from your life dude. She's no good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pippy longstocking Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 how do you feel about it all last man ? how has the contact been since the last event happened ? it is drama ...is it making you walk away faster or are her emotions dragging you in ? are you ok ? are you sure the moon is made of cheese ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LastMan Posted February 20, 2012 Author Share Posted February 20, 2012 how do you feel about it all last man ? how has the contact been since the last event happened ? it is drama ...is it making you walk away faster or are her emotions dragging you in ? are you ok ? are you sure the moon is made of cheese ? Feel kinda numb to it all. Haven't heard her from her since she left. I don't feel dragged in, just kinda anticipating her next move. Yeah, I'm alright. Studies indicate the moon is actually made of latex. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pippy longstocking Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 well glad your ok you so know there will be a next move .... I am not sure how I feel about your moon revelation ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EgoJoe Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 LM, I know you're going through a rough patch. This is what happens when people relationship hop with unresolved feelings. Cut yourself a break and show some empathy to all parties involve and then go NC. Side question, I'm guessing she told him? If she did...there is some hope for this girl. Also, how old are the both of you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LastMan Posted February 21, 2012 Author Share Posted February 21, 2012 LM, I know you're going through a rough patch. This is what happens when people relationship hop with unresolved feelings. Cut yourself a break and show some empathy to all parties involve and then go NC. Side question, I'm guessing she told him? If she did...there is some hope for this girl. Also, how old are the both of you? Well, she told him, I showed empathy. Now she's single and headed over to my place to spend the night. I'm 27, she's 25. Can't believe this is happening. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EgoJoe Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 I'm not so sure it is a good idea for you to hook up with her so soon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pippy longstocking Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 Well, she told him, I showed empathy. Now she's single and headed over to my place to spend the night. I'm 27, she's 25. Can't believe this is happening. blimey .. things happen fast in your world lm ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LastMan Posted March 5, 2012 Author Share Posted March 5, 2012 Update: The boyfriend discovered she's been hanging with/sleeping with me and dumped her, saying he "can't forgive her right now" but wants to be friends. Since then she's told me she's going to be single "for quite a while" but wants to be friends with me too. I've been spending time with her but I'm careful not to supplicate; in fact she's the one that's always buying me dinner and drinks, cooking for me, and generally treating me like a king. The thing is, I feel like I'm being used despite all this. The boyfriend that dumped her texts her constantly and tries real hard to be on good terms with her. She always remains friendly with him and claims she still has feelings for him. I started to back off again. Lately, she's been calling me late at night asking me to let her come over. I agree, she drops in, offers to go out and buy me a drink, then gets cold feet and drives back home. 3 hours later she's calling again, crying about how "she can't be alone" and how it's not fair to me for her to be calling. I continue with my "whatever" approach and the calls keep coming. I'm getting slightly annoyed the next morning. I tell her she can come by if she brings cream for my coffee, which she does, but her behavior is borderline rude and disrespectful. I counter her snippiness with some humor and she threatens to leave. I didn't stop her. I'm at a loss as to what to make of this woman. It is clear to me that she is still somewhat attached but I think she just views me as a source of comfort. At times I think she is emotionally unstable and mentally unhinged, other times I think she's just being an actress to get what she wants. I enjoy spending time with her but every time I'm away and don't hear from her I feel that pain again. Cliffs: Ex-girlfriend cheats on her new guy with me. Guy discovers she's been "spending time" with me, freaks out and dumps her. Ex begs him back while continuing to keep me around. I attempt to distance myself and she starts chasing again. Her behavior is hot and cold. Trying to adopt a "take it or leave it attitude", getting mixed results. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dumPI Posted March 5, 2012 Share Posted March 5, 2012 "she can't be alone" just what you NEED her to be ... alone for a while. Then you can decide if you want her back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EgoJoe Posted March 6, 2012 Share Posted March 6, 2012 LM, you need to cut ties to her and tell her to stop being passive aggressive. Tell her, "I'm not responsible for your feelings, decisions or happiness. I want to be left alone. We are not and never will be friends." Kick her to the curb. She has more growing up to do than girls years younger than her. I've heard the "it's not fair to you" bit, that is passive aggression, that is her deflecting responsibility for her actions. Translation for "it's not fair to you": "I feel bad for doing this but will continue to do it as long as you allow because I have told you it is not fair and it is not my fault if you don't tell me because I'm denying responsibility." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pippy longstocking Posted March 6, 2012 Share Posted March 6, 2012 lm just be sure to look after you in all this . I can't imagine how hard this must be ..on the one hand I wouldn't be able to turn my ex away ..but ..I would be a wreck wondering what his next move would be in your situation. just be careful ..with your heart mate Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LastMan Posted March 7, 2012 Author Share Posted March 7, 2012 LM, you need to cut ties to her and tell her to stop being passive aggressive. Tell her, "I'm not responsible for your feelings, decisions or happiness. I want to be left alone. We are not and never will be friends." Kick her to the curb. She has more growing up to do than girls years younger than her. I've heard the "it's not fair to you" bit, that is passive aggression, that is her deflecting responsibility for her actions. Translation for "it's not fair to you": "I feel bad for doing this but will continue to do it as long as you allow because I have told you it is not fair and it is not my fault if you don't tell me because I'm denying responsibility." Well I think I've burned the bridge now, finally. She was over the other day after pestering me with calls. When she arrived she immediately began acting rude and stand-offish. It culminated with her slapping me "playfully", which I returned with a more forceful slap. After that she threatened to leave and I didn't stop her. I think she may have convinced the other guy to take her back now. I felt a little guilty and tried to reach out, no dice. So this text rally happened: Me: so you ignore me after I've been there for you, true colors and all that Her: true colors like you slapping me accross the face seriously hard Me: tends to happen to rude and disrespectful children I may sound like a jerk in all this, but I can't be the nice guy to this selfish manipulative woman anymore. By telling her off, I either drove her away forever or put a firm boundary up. I guess that's the best I can do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AllIsFair Posted March 7, 2012 Share Posted March 7, 2012 Playful slapping? Really? I'd be so done with that by now... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EgoJoe Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 I warned you, dude. Get away from this girl. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ms Darcy Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 Are you not always giving advice about not letting women "get the upper hand?" Perhaps behind every hyper-masculine opiner is a super doormat? I would just go NC but you seem to enjoy the craziness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
somethngwrng Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 She's begging another guy not to leave while you're with her? How low are you going to let this sink? Be glad she's shown her true colours and just stay away from this girl... really... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EgoJoe Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 Are you not always giving advice about not letting women "get the upper hand?" Perhaps behind every hyper-masculine opiner is a super doormat? I would just go NC but you seem to enjoy the craziness. Why are you attacking the OP? Oh wait... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LastMan Posted March 8, 2012 Author Share Posted March 8, 2012 Are you not always giving advice about not letting women "get the upper hand?" Perhaps behind every hyper-masculine opiner is a super doormat? I would just go NC but you seem to enjoy the craziness. No argument here, I've let myself become a doormat. I guess I have a serious soft spot for this girl but I keep getting blindsided by her selfishness and cruelty. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LastMan Posted March 8, 2012 Author Share Posted March 8, 2012 She's begging another guy not to leave while you're with her? How low are you going to let this sink? Be glad she's shown her true colours and just stay away from this girl... really... I know, it is pathetic. I rationalized it like this: if she cheated on him with me, she must not really love him. And if she wants him back, it's probably only because she wants what she can't have and needs to end it on her terms. Should've just walked away. That's all you can really do in these situations. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EgoJoe Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 You're not a doormat. You're self aware. You were trying in a situation that didn't warrant it. You're wising up and not taking her crap. A doormat takes it all the cliche bs to the chin and smiles with a grin. You will grow from this. I promise you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
somethngwrng Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 I know, it is pathetic. I rationalized it like this: if she cheated on him with me, she must not really love him. And if she wants him back, it's probably only because she wants what she can't have and needs to end it on her terms. Should've just walked away. That's all you can really do in these situations. Yeah, it's not as if they have a healthy relationship. She sounds way too impulsive and immature to be in a relationship at all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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