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... then suddenly i found myself thinking logically

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A diary i wrote today. We broke up 3 months ago because i was controlling. It all started when She wanted to move in with 2 guys we knew from college who live near her job and i refused. Ever since it has been a trainwreck of a break up. As bad as they come. I called her names, she met someone else, and is now dating him. They started dating a month after our BU.


Dear diary,



We werent happy. We had a lot of problems. We were never sure about each other! She always had doubts. She loved me, but was too young to commit. We were too young, we didnt get along. She always complained and never seemed satisfied. We were miserable together, we had alot of problems, never communicated

Effectively, she didnt feel welcome in my house because you know they hated her. She was too much of a partier. Liked to go out and forget about me, because honestly i was controlling. I acted like her mother most of the time. Asked who she was with, where she is. I didnt trust her, she didnt trust me. It was never gonna work out, i didnt even want to marry her. How could i? I was never happy with her, i was just comfortable. Who are u kidding? I wasnt in love. We argued and fought 24/7. We werent together because we were in love. WE WERE TOGETHER BECAUSE WE WERE AFRAID OF BREAKING UP. Fear of the unknown.


Face it. It is as over as they come. There is more hope of winning the lottery than getting back. It simply will never happen. Get real and move on with your life. It is clear as day she has.


You dont love her. You have no feelings for her. You arent attracted to her. All those things u said were what u think of her. All those hurtful things u said to her about how unattractive she is are your true thoughts. Then why be with her? She has the right to choose, and try to find someone who makes her happy, i wasnt that person. Why keep her around? To make her miserable. She seems she has found someone who makes her happy, i want her to be happy. She is my first relationship, why dont u find someone who wont keep u up at night crying over them? *


If you were at a buffet, would u eat * rice the whole time? Never try anything else? Just rice, for the rest of ur life. It is time to try the pasta. Even the rice is telling you to move on. The rice is done with you.



We let arguments get in between us, and people got in between us. The relationship is ruined. There is no repair. She has no intention to getting back and being miserable again, and neither do i.


Her family didnt like me, we are culturally different. I am not the one. She isnt loyal. She NEVER was.

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so what are you looking for? how to move on?



im not looking for anything. was just sharing my experience, and hopefully people who read this can start thinking logically. I was so into her when she was bad for me, because my logical brain was dead because my emotions took over for so long. People just need to kill their emotions and kick their logic into gear. Has tremendously helped me, because I feel I am completely over her. and it has been less than 2 months, out of a 3.5 year relationship. I was simply devastated for so long. but logic has saved me.

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Yeah, I think a lot of people will realize that the relationship should have ended a long time ago and often your partner did you a favour by taking the step of actually breaking it off. Our problem was the lack of communication and that seems to come up a lot. One partner could try to communicate but the other person is closed off. Than the closed off person could try to communicate and the other one is closed off. Can get into a vicious circle.


I like your analogy with the buffet. I don't want plain rice or even pasta but an amazing, delicious, complex, tasty meal that will be fulfilling in so many ways. I know that girl is out there for me somewhere, it is a matter of meeting her. I know I made mistakes and I was closed/protected but I think with the right girl I will realize that it is okay to be more open and take risks.

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