Is being "weird/different" attractive?

[Mike88]

I sort of pride myself with how I'm different. I'm a bit insane actually, not in the sense that I can't control myself, but by how I view certain things. Its my philosophy to live freely and adventurous... to loosen the grasp reality has on us.

I guess, at times, its extreme. I'm having a difficult time explaining what I mean here.

 

I'm fascinated by people that act different, but I don't know if other people see it the same way I do? I give them props for being honest with themselves. It lets me put my guard down when someone loves themselves for being weird, and different, and admits to it... accepts it. I guess it does have to semi-match how I believe for it to be effective. To me, it pushes the relation I have with the person from "acquaintance" to "oh yea! now were talking/getting somewhere" It makes me value my friendship/relationship with them so much more. Its like admitting to your ignorance as a human being, and being open to people/ideas because we can never be too sure of ourselves. You have enough insight to realize that like everyone else, you're just as mad (crazy). It opens a lot of doors, and I feel like after that point, the fun can really start.

 

After that, we've striped ourselves of that "I'm part of the herd, trying to be cool, and I'm plain" assumption. Anyone have anything to contribute to this subject? It seems interesting to me. I hope I'm not alone.

[RitaTrue]

Lol, I had to re-read your post for a second

 

Yes, I agree. I think being different is attractive, as long as its genuinely YOU, and not you trying to be something you're not.

 

It's another way of branding yourself from everyone else; makes you memorable

[happpybear]

How old are you? I'm asking because when i was younger (early twenties) i met a lot of guys who were generally immature and tried really really hard to be weird on purpose, to be 'different". I felt like they were not emotionally stable and didn't know who they were. It was a turn-off for me.

 

But different strokes for different folks!

[Generation]

Weird/different can mean so many things, one could argue everyone is weird/different in some way or another. It can be attractive, it can also be unattractive.

 

^ $50 says he's 23.

[quirky]

To me, it pushes the relation I have with the person from "acquaintance" to "oh yea! now were talking/getting somewhere" It makes me value my friendship/relationship with them so much more.

 

I feel the same way too.

 

In general I always appreciate the weird and wonderful, someone that has an edge and dares to be an individual. It is a trait I seek in friendships and relationships. I consider myself that person too by I guess it's not fully up to me to say. I do appreciate people that have a wide spectrum of emotions, thoughts and views. Someone who is too 'adventurous' though..I dunno. Trying new things and being open minded and being a bit 'out there' I like it, but constantly jumping from one thing to the next without direction is something I don't feel very comfortable with, makes me think 'unreliable'. Depends on the age though too, it's ok to be directionless in early, mid 20s but when it goes pass age 30, it starts looking like you can't quite walk hand in hand with life.

 

The good thing with unusual, off the wall types is that we gravitate towards each other. Because it's true, if you feel like that you get bored with conventional, super steady people.

[Sim54]

I sort of pride myself with how I'm different. I'm a bit insane actually,

You have enough insight to realize that like everyone else, you're just as mad (crazy).

 

This is a total contradiction.

Which is it?

You're not like everyone else because your different and crazy, or you're just like everyone else because we're all crazy?

 

Before you can define crazy, you have to define normal.

There is a theory that states that if the roughly 20% of the population who are mentally ill, were all cured, then the next 20% down, would be defined as crazy, without changing one bit.

 

Being an outsider, rather than following the herd is fine, and will be attractive to other outsiders. But then, outsiders all gang together and wear the same clothes and listen to the same music and like the same films, so it's just another herd. It's like blue jeans being a sign of rebellion, so everyone wears them, and it becomes a uniform.

 

I find odd people attractive, as they do seem more interesting than so called 'normal' people, but it's not because they are weird that I like them, just that they seem to be more likely to question what is going on, and move life along a bit.

[meoww]

I think it can be an attractive trait if it adds to your other good qualities. If you are intelligent, good looking, and respectable then I think people would really go for a bit of weirdness rather than not. I find weird guys who are not very articulate to be just odd, it's definitely a turn off.

 

In some ways asking this question is almost like asking, do women like 10 toes on men? Everyone is weird, but not everyone has charisma.

[Mike88]

Weird/different can mean so many things, one could argue everyone is weird/different in some way or another. It can be attractive, it can also be unattractive.

 

^ $50 says he's 23.

 

I don't want to be discredited by my age, but I'm 21

 

As far as the contradiction I made goes, well... I guess I can't really explain it properly. I put it together the best I could but I'm still a bit confused. You've all made some really good points. I guess by different/weird, I really meant that I like people that are extremely insightful. Realizing themselves in proportion to society's influence and being able to control the extent that it effects them. They understand that we cannot take ourselves too seriously or we become narrow minded. Human society is controlled by micro-managed systems which can sometimes overpower us from seeing the bigger picture (our basic human psychology). For example, it's capitalism, power, media and politics. "Keeping up with the Joneses" They also realize that we are all human, and no matter how different we are from one another, we cannot be inhuman. I would like to redefine myself by saying that there is no "normal". There's only conformity and our resistance to it. I see resisting as being happy without necessarily relying on the micro-managed systems I mentioned early. Relating on a basic human level and trying to understand and comfort each other. Being relaxed, purely carefree, and laughing about everything. Hahaha does anyone get what I'm trying to say here?

[WhenWillILove]

It depends what different means to you. If it's piercings all over your body, tattoos all over, thrift store clothes, black eyeliner.....some might like it, others won't.

[Batya33]

I can tell when someone is "trying" to be different as opposed to being genuine and true to themselves- typically the difference is with the latter that there is a quiet confidence rather than attention-getting behaviors. There are all sorts of "different" and "weird". For example, I wouldn't find it attractive if "different" meant that the person refused to conform to basic manners like being somewhere on time or treating other people badly in the name of being "different" (or trying to convince other people that they don't have the right grasp on reality). I love meeting new people and love when someone has that quiet confidence of daring to be different. I took the long way around to traditional marriage and motherhood and I could tell from all the questions I got that certain people were troubled by my not doing it in the traditional way. And that wasn't even wildly different!

[bulletproof]

As others have pointed out, it depends on what you mean by weird. My feel is that you are not the type to just accept what's told to you, and you appreciate that quality in others. That's not a bad thing. However, it can become a bad thing if you start to think that your way of thinking is the "right" way or only way of thinking, and start putting others into categories ("normal", conservative, narrow-minded), because you then become a judgmental person that will probably miss some great opportunities to meet others that might not seem so weird.

[figur]

Being relaxed, purely carefree, and laughing about everything. Hahaha does anyone get what I'm trying to say here?

 

Think about this again in a couple of years. This does not happen when you actually grow up and find out some things about the world. Plus most people are just going to think you're a jerk if you take nothing seriously.

 

That said, I totally subscribe to a nihilistic philosophy (not to be confused with hedonism). I do understand that there are those in the world that do not want to see past the social constructs which basically control their lives and how they see the world. But then on the other extreme there are those that outwardly attack and loathe those that just want to go about their daily lives. Neither is attractive to me.

 

edit/ But I do want to say obviously an unadulterated sense of humor and lightness about oneself is attractive. I just don't see much sense in thinking that people are only worthwhile when being relaxed/carefree/etc. This attitude often goes along with material means and/or little immediate struggles. Some struggles you can release yourself from - no you don't need all the new electronics, lots of clothes, etc - but many, many others do not have such options anyway. Those people can be just as genuine.

 

I guess it's just that I do understand where you're coming from, but this attitude is very often tied to a Westernized, privileged way of life. It's when you can relate to others very unlike your immediate self do you find that the world gets interesting.

[Thorshammer]

Yes, its very attractive in my experience.

 

I hear all the time that I am weird. They say i go from tough urban brooklyn-guy, to comic book geek getting excited when people talk about zombies, to saying random things and jumping on a table and saying "stewie just said thaaaaat, take it home with yaaa!"

 

A lot of girls find it attractive because it shows courage, and we are hard to forget. I had an ex remember when i squeezed into the bottom of a chair (almost broke my neck) to reenact the grudge when she pops out of nowhere. She said she it was so odd to see a big guy sweating and forcing himself under a chair for no reason at all, seconds after telling her something serious. Most of the time i do this because I find it funny, not to be funny to them. I created my own alien language with my ex (thats the last thing i told her, "i lelu peng pong"- which means i love you -her name-), whenever she got me upset i would go throw a 2 minute transformation into a werewolf, like convulsing on the floor and doing an oscar-winning performance to chase her around the house.

 

None of my ex's forget my weird behavior. And it makes them comfortable when you act this way, it makes them free to express themselves too. Its my "thing", and not everyone has the huevos to do this. I feel free to say, "hey... what if... zombies came rushing out of that lake?" One time i did a whole karate kata on my second date with a girl on top of a ledge- she never forgot that and she always laughed when she remembered and mentioned it.

 

I had friends who were like this too, and we always had fun. I loved being by them, i had one friend that was a girl and we had so much fun doing odd things that people said we should go out. My cousin who i grew up with is like this too, though not as extreme, and his wife says he NEVER gets boring.

 

But, there will be girls that will get turned off by this. They like to make judgments and rely on that since its attractive to them. If they think i am some vin diseal, they will be disappointed quickly (by the way, vin diseal is actually a huge dork in real life).

[JonasWaingaro]

'Hey Johnny, What are you rebelling against? Whadda got?'

 

I think rebelling against the 'status quo' and being weird/different are two different things. At 21 most people go through a rebellious stage. It's not all that weird or different, just youth being served. Anyway, yes I think it's attractive and I'm drawn to the strange folks. It's good to have a weird sense of yourself and the world. It's what makes art and artists. I think it makes people more wiling to be open about all aspects of being. Going outside the norm and mainstream is super attractive if you are into that yourself. If you aren't it's probably just weird and strange, but not in a good way. I like strange, strange and me are good friends! lol

 

And yeah, Vin plays WoW. haha What a Dorkus. =p

[pl3asehelp]

Lol, I had to re-read your post for a second

 

Yes, I agree. I think being different is attractive, as long as its genuinely YOU, and not you trying to be something you're not.

 

It's another way of branding yourself from everyone else; makes you memorable

 

I agree, but think this post is important because I also think MANY people just try to be different to attract attention and it's not who they really are, which is really lame. If you're different, cool, but don't fake it - that's the worst. Tattoos and piercings and hipster dress don't make you different at all for instance - that just looks like you're trying to fit in and identify with a group.

[Thorshammer]

 

And yeah, Vin plays WoW. haha What a Dorkus. =p

 

H does way more,.. he plays the actual Table Top Dungeons and Dragons, plus he collects a bunch of toys. I do too, so i dont care, lol.

[bialoman]

I think being 'weird/different' is great.

 

I suppose I am 'weird' myself. I was not conventional at HS as in being tagged as a type. I played soccer, volleyball, tried for football but wasn't that good and generally enjoyed sports whilst at the same time I was in the 'short stories club', played bass for a indie-rock band and keyboards in an ambient-post-electronic-insert-any-crazy-genre-here-type band.

When I'm with my sports friends, they will call me the 'band man' or 'hippy-hipster' as a joke and whilst I'm with the musician/fashion designer group that I know, they call me 'The Jock'. Suppose I cannot win but I really don't mind.

So my sports friends will see as my an indie type guy who likes arty films and dresses casually whilst the 'arty' friends will see me as the opposite as the jock.

The way I see it, we only get one chance at life and I'm going to give everything a go and if that's rock climbing or going to an amateur acting class, if it's interesting to me, might as well give it a go and see how I enjoy it.

 

Every girl that I have been involved with or attracted to could be put under this category. I like women who aren't affraid to dress differently or wear retro/thrift store clothes and don't feel the need to plaster makeup on their face every day. I think people now know this about me as whenever we go to a party or someone tries to set me up, the first thing my one friend describes always is 'She wears funky clothes'.

[pl3asehelp]

You sound cool, but retro thrift store clothes are not really unique - they are just an alternative, a different crowd or archetype to identify yourself with. In some places, most cities, there are entire neighborhoods of 20 somethings that all look like this so it's completely 'normal' and following the crowd. Think 'Portlandia' and the dream of the 90's.

[JonasWaingaro]

^^ Yeah, come to the 'center of the universe', (Fremont) everyone here wears the alt-suit and is 'weird/different'. It's a great vibe and place to live. Nothing and no one surprises you around there. The summer solstice fest is amazingly fun. The PNW is really a great place for the unusual, weird, and different.

[bialoman]

Thanks.

 

I agree with you guys though. Here, we have the flannel shirt brigade as my friend calls them or the thrift/indie kids and there are loads of them here too. I don't stand out at all myself. Somedays I may wear a soccer jersey (parents are from 2 European countries) and it's not the big soccer teams like Barcelona, Manchester Utd or that. It'll be usually smaller teams or teams from my parent's countries - the sports crew will say I'm being 'arty' by supporting the underdog etc.

 

What I meant really was, I like women who don't feel the need to impress all the time. My room mate's girlfriend can't do anything spontaneous. If he somehow gets last minute tickets for a show, movie or even just taking her out for a meal. She needs at least an hours notice so she can get ready. She won't even go down to the store to pick up milk or something without wearing 'normal' clothes.

[figur]

The way people dress says so little about how a person actually is. Some of the most self-absorbed people I've ever met do not put much effort into their clothing, or worse yet try to make it look like they aren't trying.

 

Same with music tastes. Both are so culturally entwined that you could make up any possible reason why someone likes what they like.

[Mike88]

The way people dress says so little about how a person actually is. Some of the most self-absorbed people I've ever met do not put much effort into their clothing, or worse yet try to make it look like they aren't trying.

 

Same with music tastes. Both are so culturally entwined that you could make up any possible reason why someone likes what they like.

 

Yeah, I agree, but most people stereotype by how you dress which is total bogus in my opinion. I dress in sports clothing or classy stuff, which is pretty popular and plain to be honest. I do this because I don't want to be put into a category by how I dress. I rather have people be surprised when they get to know me, plus the actual act of getting to know me sorts out the people I want to be associated with from the people I don't.

[Batya33]

Yeah, I agree, but most people stereotype by how you dress which is total bogus in my opinion. I dress in sports clothing or classy stuff, which is pretty popular and plain to be honest. I do this because I don't want to be put into a category by how I dress. I rather have people be surprised when they get to know me, plus the actual act of getting to know me sorts out the people I want to be associated with from the people I don't.

 

Why do you care whether you "surprise" people? In my experience people are far more concerned with how they come accross socially rather than focused on whether the other person's clothing choices reflect his personality. If I felt that you were trying to manipulate my reaction to your personality and your likes/dislikes I'd be kind of turned off. I do like the fun of getting to know someone like unwrapping a package and I do like the surprises that can come with that but in a natural way, not in the forced way you're trying to do that.

[Fudgie]

"Weird/different" mean really different things to different people. I was not able to get an idea of what you were talking about from your post.

 

Some people think "weird/different" means being into tattoos and piercings. I personally see those as rather "mainstream" and not being that special, but whatever. Others think it's the "scene" scene or being hardcore. Or being really into metal and br000tal. Others even think of it as being nerdy/weird and really good with computers.

 

I don't like to think of myself as eccentric but I've been told I am. I eat a lot of really weird foods, my mannerisms are a bit odd, I have a variety of interests in things that no one else seems to care about, People in my major think I'm "weird", people in my minor think I'm "weird", my music taste is really varied but I hate pop, I can't define my political leanings, no religious beliefs. I don't get along with conservatives anymore (I used to) and liberal hippies really don't like me. My sense of humour ranges from goofy and sarcastic to downright offensive and sick. That is just me. I don't really fit into any one group (never fit into social groups either).

 

Do people "like it"? I don't know. I think being a bit "out there" in whatever can make it hard to relate to people. As for if other people "like it", who gives a crap? It's not like you can change yourself to suit others. I think it's just about being yourself and holding on hope for friends or SOs that you can relate to. I found that in my boyfriend and just a couple close friends. I personally haven't had an issue with finding men, even if several of them didn't really "get me". There is something in me that attracted them to me and I know it wasn't my plain Jane looks.

 

I'm definitely kind of weird and there are normal and abnormal things about me, but I wouldn't have it any other way. I know my strengths, weaknesses, and problems, and that's all that matters.

[Shudder]

didnt read entire thread, but i rather be weird and different then normal and the exact same copy as another person.