Jump to content

How can I earn the trust from a girl with trust issues.


kingking

Recommended Posts

So on thanksgiving I got in a fight with my girlfriend because she thinks I still have feelings for my ex. I did get dumped by my ex, and I must admit I never really got the closure, but I left all that stuff behind.

Ever since the fight, my girlfriend and I have been fighting more. She has been picking out the things I say and basically just trying to find evidence that I still have feelings for my ex.

We work it out each time we fight(or so I thought) and when I confronted her if she's just finding excuse to break up she says thats not the case.

 

We do get along most of the time and I can see that she's really not trying to pick a fight, but sometimes when I say things that are a little bit inconsiderate(which I understand is my fault) it really gets to her and we starting fighting.

My ex has a history of abuse in her family and her ex also cheated on her - I understand she has trust issues.

 

I used to try to hide my feelings from her in the past so I do have a bad credit when it comes to being completely honest. However, Ive been more open and trying to earn her trust because I love my girlfriend and I want to be with her. How can I get us to move on from the past?

Link to comment

In a case like this, the only way for her to have trust is to keep doing what you are doing. However, in your effort to gain trust, DO NOT allow yourself to become exclusively catering to those needs. She needs to learn to trust on her own. That is something she needs to do for her, and if you allow yourself to cater to those needs, it will make you miserable. You can do your part by not giving her a reason to not trust, but ultimately if she doesn't do this on her own you two have no chance. Over time, it will flat wear you out.

 

Good luck,

~dig

Link to comment

If gaining her trust is like walking through a field of land mines then don't bother trying.

As there maybe situations where you have to be really careful about what you say and what you do.

 

Sometimes you ave to lie about things just so she can feel she trusts you.

I know ridiculous.

 

Here is an example of what I mean

I had a really small soft toy resting in a corner of a room which I had forgotten about which was from an ex.

I said it was from my ex and this opened up a big can of worms.

 

Although....

 

Later on I found out why she was behaving this way.

It was due to the fact she had a big dragon ornament in her lounge which she said she bought herself which actually was from her ex.

Link to comment

I know what you guys mean about trust not ever being earned.

 

Im doing great I dont feel guilty in anyway, but how can I talk to her about forgetting the past whether it be mine or hers?

Her insecurities just get in the way unconsciously. I get it she's got a lot of scars.

She's the one that needs to change.

Whats the best way to approach this?

Link to comment
I know what you guys mean about trust not ever being earned.

 

Im doing great I dont feel guilty in anyway, but how can I talk to her about forgetting the past whether it be mine or hers?

Her insecurities just get in the way unconsciously. I get it she's got a lot of scars.

She's the one that needs to change.

Whats the best way to approach this?

 

You need to be as upfront about it as you can. Tell her it's pushing you away, and that she needs to do something about it. Don't beat around the bush. If she fights you on it, then she doesn't see it as an issue and that becomes a YOU problem. Don't let her, make her issues, yours. As I said, it is the antidote for a failed relationship. You may feel you can shoulder it now, but over time it will widdle you down, layer by layer. She will become more dependent on you for your happiness, and you will end up resenting her for doing so.

 

She either needs to seek counseling, or find ways to entertain herself so that she can build some independence and confidence.

 

Bring it up with her, and be honest. It may hurt her, but you will be doing her, and you, a favor in the long run.

 

Good luck,

~dig

Link to comment

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...