Good to Bad w/ Ex bf in 48 hours.

[blueyedblonde]

I had posted on here awhile ago, about this ex that I am about to write about. Then recently, I posted about being stood up on a 2nd date just last month. The ex I am going to write about... there is no closure, even when there is closure. I don't want to have feelings for him any longer. I wish it would just be removed from me.

 

He had kept my broken down car on his property for awhile now. We were together over two years ago, I left him when he cheated. Then over the summer, we briefly tried again. He ended it saying I was acting too emotional. I think our past was just seeping out of me. I wanted to be with him, but he was showing me once again I wasn't a priority. He is a narcissit in many ways. Caring only of himself. Going through women and relationships constantly. I used to blame myself for the ways he sometimes treated me.

 

Three weeks ago, I recieved a voicemail from him. It was an apology. (the 2nd one in the three + yrs now I have known him) He was saying he was sorry for the way he spoke to me back in September. He was apologizing for laughing at me, hurting me, etc. He said something happened that made him realize how wrong he was. I text him the next day, although maybe I shouldn't have. I was curious. I asked what happened that spawned this. He said something happened to him, but he didn't want to talk about it. I didnt push. Then he text me that he had a breakdown. He then text that he had recently entered therapy. I was FLOORED that he was saying this. I asked at some point, if a woman did to him, as he did to me. He wrote "perhaps". To which... I lost it. I was not sympathetic for the poor baby at this point. It only made me angry. I called him and told him never to contact me again. He said some hurtful things back... we went back and forth. Until we calmed down.. he later wrote "it had nothing to do with a female." But....

 

... you can see the game playing here. I admit, I have done it too. However, it is always to counteract his. I guess I never want him to think he is getting the best of me. He didnt give me a straight answer and say "no". He wrote "perhaps", to envoke jealousy.

 

Fast forward to: I finally was ready to get rid of the car and get it off his property. I was selling it. He came and picked me up to bring me there to clean it out. I did & he helped me. We were getting along well.. and I have to admit, I did feel drawn to him. Still attracted to him. My friend, a female, was texting me. He commented that my phone was beeping. Then, she called. I did take the call into another area of the house. She knew I was there and was making jokes. She was certainly making me laugh & when we hung up, I returned to the kitchen without a word. We sat down to eat the dinner he made, as we now had to wait three hours together for someone to come look at the car.

 

I knew at that point, he may have thought I was talking to a man. I know I wanted it that way. See, I actually counter with jealousy, because I do want to be with this man. I have always wanted him to be good to me. Athough the tactics are wrong, my method is to have him see he'll lose me.

 

Later, after dinner.. we went to sit in the living room to watch tv. We both sat on the sofa..I was crawled in a ball. He took the blanket and laid it accross me. He then took my feet and put them in his lap. I didnt pull them away. Later, after the kid came to look at the car.. He asked me when I wanted to go home. He asked me if I wanted to stay "longer". Usually, I would have jumped at this. But, I said "No, we can leave when the movie is over." Then on the ride, he asked if I wanted to ride with him to go gas up, before he dropped me off. I said ok.

 

Along the ride, he asked 20 questions. About the "guy Im seeing" I kept giving brief answers and changing the subject. When his phone rang, he looked at it and put it away. He said "Im not going to be rude like you were and take the call." I said nothing. He asked what I was doing for Valentine's Day and I said "I really don't know." He talked about how long we knew one another, things we had done... and then said "So I guess now when the car is sold, you won't have any reason to talk to me???" I said "I suppose not." He dropped me off. I got out without hesitation.

 

The car was sold the next day. I made the transaction, but the kid got the car from him. He had the plates. He told me he would bring them over. I said "Ok, unless you just want to mail them." He said no, because it was easier to bring them, than mail them and go through that process. But the following day, he tells me that he is going to drop them off at my house, on his way to a strip club!

 

I am sure he told me that for effect. I don't know why. He added that bit of info to envoke something... but earlier that day, we had been texting and he wrote "guess this ends the chapter to us. was so nice to hear you laughing and giggling with your bf. sure he's a great guy. happy Valentines day." When I text him back that I dont have a bf, I then asked "Are you asking me out for V day??" to which he wrote "no. you're with someone." When I told him Im not, he wrote "let him take you out." Then he writes "Valentine's is for lovers", then he wrote "Im seeing someone."

 

I am once again beside myself, broken from a broken man. He tells me he doesn't want to be with me. He even wrote "we are not for eachother", but then he says things to try and make me jealous and he acts jealous if I am seeing someone. If I didnt have feelings for him, I wouldn't care. I don't want to feel this way any longer. I don't like playing his games back with him, but clearly there is nothing I can do to get back with him. I do love him and wish he would show me something. But, he never does.

 

Why does a man who doesn't want to be with me, act jealous and try to me jealous also???

[DN]

You led him to believe there is another man. That has obviously backfired.

 

Too many games from both of you.

 

If you want him back you are going to have to write and tell him the truth and why you misled him.

[blueyedblonde]

I have went that route in the past. I had come right out and told him I loved him & wanted to be with him. He has rejected me. Believe me, I agree with you. I don't like playing the games. But, I tried to be the straight shooter & was rejected.

[lavenderdove]

If you tried to be straight with him and still were rejected, and were rejected when you played games, what you should notice here is that this just isn't working out... and if the two of you are constantly playing games, then the relationship isn't worth having.

 

Remember, a relationship is supposed to be about love and support and caring and sensitivity to the other person's need and enjoying life and treating each other with respect. I don't see one iota of any of that in your exchanges with each other, so you both need to learn how to behave if you want to be a good partner and have a good relationship. A relationship founded on the kind of nonsense games you have been playing will never last.

 

So just stop playing games. Tell him you both need to stop. And if you don't stop and he doesn't stop then don't even bother trying because there is no point and it will never work. Just recognize that sometimes two people fit together in the WRONG ways and really pull each other's chains and make for a bad combination. He seems to be recognizing that, and maybe you should too, and should instead invest in meeting new guys who you can be honest and open and happy with rather than all this nonsense.

[blueyedblonde]

Update..... I may have fed into the games & played some back. But, today, he played a game that turned out to be true. This morning, we were emailing & the end of his email he wrote "The truth is, when I see you, I want to be with you. But then you come off with this arrogance, like miss high and mighty all smug like I owe it to you and then some."

 

In all honesty, I have never come off high and mighty like he owed me. Even though he sees it that way. But, when I read the line, "when I see you, I want to be with you." I cut out all games. I wrote him exactly how I feel. I told him how he hurts me with some things he says. But, told him I never feel I'm owed, that I just wanted him to express how he feels, like he just did in the letter. For instance "why can't you tell you tell me you want to be with me when I AM in front of you?"

 

An hour later...... (everyone ready?) I got an email that said "I am with someone. She and I have been on and off since July, but now it's more. We want to give a full relationship a chance. I am going to be moving in with her and renting out my home."

 

When he called me, (as I asked him to) I was asking questions about why he wrote what he wrote. To which, he said he meant "when he saw me in the past." That was NOT what he wrote. Then I come to find out, that his apology to me.. when I asked him last month "Are you apologizing because a woman did to you, what you did to me?" He told me no. Well, that was a lie. THIS woman, wouldn't give HIM a commitment. He says he loves her and wants to marry her.

 

I composed myself. I pulled it together and said, "well then, I wish you and she all the best." I asked her name. He told me. it took me 3 minutes on facebook to find out who she was.

 

I know it was wrong... but, I saw red. I knew it was this woman. I emailed her "Congrats!! I wish you & _____________ all the best." I then emailed him. "What a small world. She and I have a mutual friend!!!!" He called me right away.... He said "You have a mutal friend with _________ ___________" and he gave me a fake last name. I knew what he was doing. I said YUP!!! I do. Small world. Well,best of everything. Hope it works out. Then...

 

.... I hung up, I emailed him "I know she's going to take your last name, but you should still probably know hers. It's ________, not _____________. LMAO. best of everything."

 

He began calling my phone nonstop. I kept hanging up on him. Finally he emailed. "I wouldn't put it past you to screw this up for me." To which I wrote back "You should give me a little more credit. Karma is a _______, but you will manage to screw it up all on your own. I wrote her congrats. That's all. I wont say more. BTW, screwing it up, is when you cheat on your live in girlfriend and you throw her clothes at her to leave. But, I hope you do better with her."

 

Im beyond hurt, and maybe shouldnt have said anything. But, I wish someone told me when I first met him. I am not refraining in hopes that he would come back to me. Obviously that is wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy out of the question. Because of that, I want to tell her everything. I want to show her the email he sent me this morning. I'm sober 9 years and thinking of drinking for the first time. I won't. I know it's stupid. I know I should have never been with this man in the first place, let alone had gone back to him.

 

I also know I need therapy to find out, why I am so devested about him caring so much about another woman, even to talk marriage, when he treated me so poorly.

 

I can't even breath. It hurts so bad, it's hard to breath. Please, I know there will be people who will write that I allowed this to happen, by letting him back into my head and life. Please, don't be harsh. I know some have been brutal before. I thought when he wrote me that this morning, it was an admission of feeling, caring... wanting to be with me, because he wrote it. I'm beyond hurt.

[DN]

You were entirely wrong to message this woman. It is time both of you stopped the games and when strict no contact with each other, including checking each other out on Facebook or anywhere else.