StarFright Posted February 14, 2012 Share Posted February 14, 2012 So I was accepted to a 4-year University a few weeks ago, and I am incredibly excited to go. I spent my first few years at a local school but finally, after visiting a school in the summer, decided on where I wanted to transfer for my Bachelor's and continue my education. I'm really looking forward to going. It is about an hour away and I'll (hopefully) be living there by this fall in an on-campus place. I'll most likely visit home whenever I can, though. While I'm excited for my new found independence, meeting new people, the new experiences, and basically everything-college, there is something that has been on my mind since last year, when I decided to transfer to a bigger school farther away. I'm so afraid of something bad happening to my family. I am very, very close to both of my parents. While I have an older brother and older sister, they are both very much independent and living their lives. I was the coddled baby of the family, and I suppose you can say I never really got over separation anxiety, I just don't show it and bawl like I used to when I was little. I worry about my parents, specifically my dad. He is in his 60's and a smoker (as is my mom, but she's not nearly as heavy a smoker as he is and she's more aware and not so stubborn of her health) My dad's father passed while he was in college, I believe...and I am afraid that will repeat. It's nothing I can control so I try not to dwell on it (I've tried to get him to kick his bad habits, he's too stubborn) Because of my fears, I feel like I need to zoom through college, find a man, get married and have kids quick so my dad won't miss out on all of my big life moments. I know he wouldn't like that at all though, he is really proud that I'm motivated and getting a quality education, and that as he says I'm on the right track. This sort of led me to have resentment towards my older sister in some ways as well (despite the fact that she is also my role model), as my dad was there for her marriage and to watch/play with her child. That's not actually bad, I just want him to meet his future biological grandkids (he's my sister's step dad) I'm scared he won't he there to give me away when I get married, he won't meet my kids, etc. As I said earlier, I'm super close to my parents, we are all a tight-knit family so the idea that something bad might happen while I am away at school really scares me. I just worry that something will happen, or that I'll get a dreaded phone call and I won't be around to help or see my family. I'm always here now, I always know what is going on but soon I won't. I almost feel bad for being excited about moving into my own place for a little while on campus but I wish I could move my family closer to me Sorry this might seem so jumbled. I always have this in the back of my mind and keep forgetting to post it. Did anyone else have the same type of fears going away to college? Or fears of a relative passing in general? I could use some advice Link to comment
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