husband sent intimate txt to another woman

[jpmartin]

Today I found several msgs my husband sent to a woman including intimate words such as "sweetie" "baby girl","hope ur grandma feel better" in his inbox, there are also pictures of her private parts. He said he got her number from online website but he never slept with her. I called that woman and told her and her grandma to go to hell, then smashed his phone. He was crying and kept on saying sorry. He said what he did is wrong, but he disagree that it is cheating. He said he did this because I don't want sex as much as he wants and he just need an outlet( we've sex about twice a week in average).

 

I love him and wants to forgive him, I know that his personality to avoid confrontation and my strong emotion sometimes don't facilitate the best communication between us. but I am hesitant to work things out because of the following reasons. Please help me!

 

1. We have only married for six months and I am still slim and pretty, he already have cheated on me, how can i expect a truthful relationship years later when I am old and ugly?

2. I can't trust him anymore. If he loves me as he said, why he cheats on me? If he is just sexually frustrated, why he doesn't just watch porn? If he just want only an emotional affair, why he chose someone within 30 min driving distance? Do I have to spend the rest of my life walking on eggshells worrying that I don't satisfy him enough so he will cheat on me again?

3. I am angry that he disagree it is cheating.

 

To be honest, I think I should have waited longer to marry him. I should have always put myself before him and us together. I am just so hurt.

[annie24]

Fine, maybe it's not cheating in the sense that they didn't have actual physical in person sex, but does he actually think what he did was appropriate? Would he be ok if you started taking photos of your private parts and sending them to men? I think not!!!

 

Maybe you two can go to couples' counseling. I think the definition of "cheating" is less important right now than boundaries and what is and isn't ok. If he needs more sex, he can tell you. Or you two can agree on what is acceptable (porn?). But what he was doing sounds very wrong, unless he is ok with you doing the same thing.

[avman]

I think the handwriting was on the wall with this relationship awhile ago. Back in October 2010 you posted this:

 

 

 

Even then it was very apparent that the relationship was in trouble and marriage wasn't a good idea. As you see going through with the marriage didn't change anything and things are still in pretty bad shape.

 

If you are both serious about working on things get into counseling and start really having some communication about your relationship. But both of you have to put in the effort.

[lavenderdove]

I'm really sorry... if she lives only 30 min away, i'm pretty sure he's had sex with her... especially if he's using endearments and asking about her grandmother etc...

 

Sadly, the research shows that when people have affairs in the first two years of marriage, the marriage rarely makes it. People can continue to try, but he's a pretty hardcore cheater if the honeymoon is barely over and he starts cheating, adn this IS cheating and lying and deceving you (and probably the other woman too whom he may have lied to about his status).

 

And to say it was OK to because you didn't have sex often enough? That's crazy... that's like saying it is OK to steal from your company or the bank becasue you want more money and they're not giving it to you. He was just caught red handed and there is no excuse for it plain and simple.

 

I'd cut your losses if you've only been married 6 months... don't invest any more time on this guy.. he's already shown his true colors and he is bad news...

[offplanet]

Having read that previous post linked above, about you pressuring him into marriage, I think it'd be better if you left him before you get pregnant, if you aren't already, before children are involved. Like you said, you don't want to be walking on eggshells the rest of your life, wondering if he'll cheat on you if you don't saitisfy him. He doesn't even consider it cheating, so therefore he has no reason not to do it again, except the fear of you finding out, and he will get around that. The first mistake was pressuring him to marry you, and the 2nd mistake would be staying together. You can already see what it's likely to be like. If you have children, he will get worse. He will just get more vigilant about hiding it from you.