sweetestdesire Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 Hello ENA, I met this guy on this chat thing 2 months ago when i was visiting back home I eventually confessed to him i didn't live there & he blew up on me (i don't blame him but then i didn't think i would catch feelings for him the way i did) I currently live 2.5 hrs away which we agreed wouldn't work out due to the LDR. but somehow we always end up talking, tried the friend thing because we didn't want to be complete NC but that didn't last long. We talk EVERYDAY, we even sleep on the phone. We even went back to our exs & still ended up talking again. We talk about the future & me moving back to sj. I asked him how serious he was (to test him) & he said he would be willing to move to SJ.(He lives 30 mins away) He has made attempts to see me, w/o me telling him but never came through, I've gone to SJ on 2 separate occasions & didn't see him because somehow we would end up in a fight? We skyped 2xs & his picture was not on? I didn't think much of it cuz he said he was embarrassed. He found me to be very beautiful & i think hes quite attractive from the pictures he's shown me. Is any of this real? if so, why haven't we seen eachother?? How can you prove if someones fake?? what are clues i can use to prove if he is Has anybody been in a similar situation as me? Any input/ similar case scenarios would be appreciated Link to comment
LDRohnos Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 I wouldn't trust this guy as far as you could throw him. That is...if he ever comes out of hiding. Don't put stock into this "relationship", at all. If you drove down to SJ to meet him twice and he couldn't live his man cave to meet you either he's not worth the trouble you're putting in or he's playing you like a deck of cards. In the future, I would avoid cyber relationships or any relationship where you haven't at least met the person in real life within a short period of time. What ends up happening is what you IMAGINE the person to be is all they become. It's not healthy. Link to comment
annie24 Posted February 14, 2012 Share Posted February 14, 2012 forget all this talk of living together. I agree with LDRohnos. If you haven't even met once for coffee or ice cream, forget it!! Any guy who actually wants to date you will meet you out. It's not that complicated to do. Stop wasting your time and move on. Link to comment
sweetestdesire Posted February 14, 2012 Author Share Posted February 14, 2012 I wouldn't trust this guy as far as you could throw him. That is...if he ever comes out of hiding. Don't put stock into this "relationship", at all. If you drove down to SJ to meet him twice and he couldn't live his man cave to meet you either he's not worth the trouble you're putting in or he's playing you like a deck of cards. In the future, I would avoid cyber relationships or any relationship where you haven't at least met the person in real life within a short period of time. What ends up happening is what you IMAGINE the person to be is all they become. It's not healthy. I didn't go to SJ in the pursue to meet him, i visit my family occasionally, does that make a difference? Link to comment
LDRohnos Posted February 14, 2012 Share Posted February 14, 2012 I didn't go to SJ in the pursue to meet him, i visit my family occasionally, does that make a difference? Did he know you were coming to SJ? Did you try to make arrangements to meet him? I would think if he really wanted to meet you and pursue a real relationship then he'd have jumped all over the opportunity. Link to comment
Thorshammer Posted February 14, 2012 Share Posted February 14, 2012 I was in a similar situation years ago. I fell for someone i didnt meet, and we fought like a couple on the phone, we did the watching movies thing, we stayed on the phone for hours, etc. We got into a fight and i told her i didnt want her coming to nyc, and if she did i didnt want to meet her. I guess its because i was catching feelings and i felt they were far too powerful, that meeting them will be very weird. Insecurities does creep in when you feel so strong for someone and they plan a trip to come see you. I have done this before with someone, and we met and dated- but this was different since it was her making a trip all the way to nyc. I was good at catching fake profiles though, so good a site wanted to hire me (for an old dating site). I used myspace to find fake profiles when i got it from this dating site (looking through their friends, reading and tracing their comments i would find odd links- fake profile people are very predictable), there are also ways to google pictures, research on other sites, google phone numbers, call them at odd times, etc. I have even found fake profiles of MEEEE!!! But him being mad about your location doesnt seem like what a fake profile would usually do. Link to comment
sweetestdesire Posted February 14, 2012 Author Share Posted February 14, 2012 Did he know you were coming to SJ? Did you try to make arrangements to meet him? I would think if he really wanted to meet you and pursue a real relationship then he'd have jumped all over the opportunity. No i didn't actually. i wasn't serious w/ him then, im going for my bday this weekend & he asked if he can see me so we'll see..... Link to comment
sweetestdesire Posted February 14, 2012 Author Share Posted February 14, 2012 Can i just hire you?? lol its so funny you say that because at some point he called it off due to catching feelings for me. He even admitted to it. He said he would rather run away & risk losing me than actually meeting me & risking me hurting him (he was in a 5 yr relationship & the girl cheated on him) Link to comment
Thorshammer Posted February 14, 2012 Share Posted February 14, 2012 Yeah, actually now to think of it i was pretty "burnt" with my experience with some women. I would tell her that i wanted her to come here for something else, not for me, which she agreed to. Then her friends planned a trip out here and we got into a fight and i told her not to come. She was very beautiful, super-sweet, and we talked about some serious stuff (like having kids immediately). I will pm you what to do, i used mostly myspace (name searches, email searches, and found their accounts), you can probably do that with facebook too. Link to comment
LDRohnos Posted February 14, 2012 Share Posted February 14, 2012 Can i just hire you?? lol its so funny you say that because at some point he called it off due to catching feelings for me. He even admitted to it. He said he would rather run away & risk losing me than actually meeting me & risking me hurting him (he was in a 5 yr relationship & the girl cheated on him) Thats why people use the internet as a safe way to meet people. It's always easier to detach and run from someone when there's 1500 miles and a computer screen between you. Link to comment
somethngwrng Posted February 14, 2012 Share Posted February 14, 2012 He lives 2.5 hours away? Do neither of you have a car? Seems weird that neither of you have taken the initiative to meet each other if you've been talking for 2 months and sleeping on the phone. Meet half way - that's only 1 hour and 15 minutes away for the both of you. That's less time than a movie. You could leave at 5pm and still be tucked in before midnight. Link to comment
sweetestdesire Posted February 14, 2012 Author Share Posted February 14, 2012 Thats why people use the internet as a safe way to meet people. It's always easier to detach and run from someone when there's 1500 miles and a computer screen between you. Yes, I agree. & he would do that all time (run)but then would come back so i didn't get it?? Link to comment
sweetestdesire Posted February 14, 2012 Author Share Posted February 14, 2012 He lives 2.5 hours away? Do neither of you have a car? Seems weird that neither of you have taken the initiative to meet each other if you've been talking for 2 months and sleeping on the phone. Meet half way - that's only 1 hour and 15 minutes away for the both of you. That's less time than a movie. You could leave at 5pm and still be tucked in before midnight. YES, not that far right? he thinks it is because he googled it but i go to san jose all the time. I guess i've just been waiting for him to take the initiative, if he asked me to meet him halfway, i would but I know that sooner or later we're gonna have to meet if this is going to work out the way we want to Link to comment
sweetestdesire Posted February 14, 2012 Author Share Posted February 14, 2012 Yeah, actually now to think of it i was pretty "burnt" with my experience with some women. I would tell her that i wanted her to come here for something else, not for me, which she agreed to. Then her friends planned a trip out here and we got into a fight and i told her not to come. She was very beautiful, super-sweet, and we talked about some serious stuff (like having kids immediately). I will pm you what to do, i used mostly myspace (name searches, email searches, and found their accounts), you can probably do that with facebook too. Why do u guys do that?? lol he's admitted to "testing" me before, which to some extent i understand, meeting online & all. How funny so did we we even agreed on a baby boys name. It's all fun & games until it actually happens.....hehe Link to comment
Thorshammer Posted February 14, 2012 Share Posted February 14, 2012 Why do u guys do that?? lol he's admitted to "testing" me before, which to some extent i understand, meeting online & all. How funny so did we we even agreed on a baby boys name. It's all fun & games until it actually happens.....hehe This might sound goofy, but we were actually very serious. We saw each other on webcam and talked all the time, we even had "dates" where we watched online movies together (i do this with everyone though, i did this with my ex when she went away for vacation). Physical attraction to me is important, but if i connect with someone, then i connect with them. I did this twice with two people only, both were very compatible with me (both were my compatible horoscope sign too, but thats another discussion) - one i met and went into a relationship with, it only ended due to the age difference (and we were close to getting back together, she is the only ex i communicate with to this day). A "test" is a sign of insecurity, he is seeking validation. Men also get nervous when they start catching feelings for someone, and since the element of being in person and seeing their body language, etc. isnt there, it tends to be a road-block so they need more reassurance that you are real and will like them (or they are scared they are building to something that might collapse around them when they meet you). Link to comment
somethngwrng Posted February 14, 2012 Share Posted February 14, 2012 YES, not that far right? he thinks it is because he googled it but i go to san jose all the time. I guess i've just been waiting for him to take the initiative, if he asked me to meet him halfway, i would but I know that sooner or later we're gonna have to meet if this is going to work out the way we want to Well, just stop penising around and take the initiative yourself, otherwise I'd ditch this guy as he can't be that serious. 2 months without meeting someone who is within a few hours drive, while you decide on baby names... is very fishy. I've also done the online thing - with someone who was on the other side of the world - ended in heartbreak after 9 months, visa being sorted, flights were getting booked. Never even met the person and went through pain for them. I'll never even know if their intentions were true. Never again. Link to comment
sweetestdesire Posted February 15, 2012 Author Share Posted February 15, 2012 lol how funny, hes supposibly my "love match" & i had brought up watching the vow together. well im glad its not just me that goes through this. About his insecurity, its hard to justify how much this would affect us in the fututre but i understand its not a good thing. I would be scared to give him my all & it still not be good enough for him (him still be insecure) that would be my only concern. everything else i can we're quite compatabile with (oh & when we fight ha) Link to comment
sweetestdesire Posted February 15, 2012 Author Share Posted February 15, 2012 Well, just stop penising around and take the initiative yourself, otherwise I'd ditch this guy as he can't be that serious. 2 months without meeting someone who is within a few hours drive, while you decide on baby names... is very fishy. I've also done the online thing - with someone who was on the other side of the world - ended in heartbreak after 9 months, visa being sorted, flights were getting booked. Never even met the person and went through pain for them. I'll never even know if their intentions were true. Never again.[/i] i understand where ur coming from & my intentions are good. I wouldn't hurt him & i hope he would feel the same. I think what im waiting for is to decide if i actually want to do this w/ him. If i meet him & everything turns out the way its suppose to be, my future is on the line. The whole thought is scary that's why im attempting to deal w/ it one thing at a time. Hope this makes sense. Appreciate the insight Link to comment
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