How is everyone doing with their NC?

[Colour Me Once]

I just wanted to check in with mine because its been tough lately, but hanging in there...thought we could all post how long its been and how we are feeling. That way people like me who havent been doing it for long can be encouraged by others who've done it for longer.

I must be doing ok because I've stopped counting now.

 

so...4 weeks since split, 2 and half weeks since complete NC initiated by me. Despite being incredibly busy I think about this person every day, miss them despite their awfulness, can't feel anything about anyone else or think about myself in a romantic situation. Still cry quite a bit but have lots of very happy times alone and with others.

 

I absolutely know deep down I made the right decision but worried about five weeks time when we will be in the same city again and how I'll cope with the loneliness. Dont think I'm ready for the big move back and hope I dont cave in, or worse still, have to bump into him with some other woman.

 

I really would love to hear from you NC ers no matter how you feel. x

[Lansing]

Been about 6 weeks for me. I don't really want to call her or e-mail her but I am tempted to look at her twitter (haven't looked at it in about 4 weeks). I just would like to know what she is up to, etc but I am resisting.

 

Part of me thinks i will probably run into her in May or before hand randomly (she lives in a different city so not likely to happen normally but there are some events coming up that I know she will probably be at, and, I don't want to skip them just to avoid her since I go every year). So I am working on clearing my head 100% before that point....

[loveseeker1]

I,m on day 8 round 2, after 2 weeks last time round, but stupidly I sent an email or 4 ;-)

Yeah, not feeling too bad today. Her father text me today to say I'm never far from their thoughts, which was nice. Even though I removed her as a friend on FB, i still check to see if she has added anymore friends. Don't know why. Oh, and I managed to find the guy she had been sleeping with on FB, but only a photo, no real info. But I'm not torturing myself anymore. Ive deleted 1 years worth of emails, text messages and have all our photos (900+!!) removed from my photo library and put on external HD. I don't believe in deleting them as we had some great times together.

Im the dumpee and had hoped we could work something out. She had been sleeping with someone else while I'm away with work.

 

I try hard not to think about it too much, considering I saw all the sex messages she had been sending this guy. When it crosses my mind, I go for a run, hehehehe.

[golfingjbaby]

NC is interesting. I'm over 3 months BU, about a month of NC. It's actually really nice not knowing what she is doing. When I was in contact with her, I pretty much still knew what she was doing, who she was hanging out with, all that stuff. All I could do was obsess over it. Now, I have absolutely no idea what she is up to. In a way, ignorance is bliss. I miss her as bad as I ever have, but the tears have almost completely stopped. I cried endlessly for months, and I think my body just flat out got tired of it. My body couldn't handle the stress anymore. From time to time, I'll still break down, but usually it feels like a release. Unfortunately, I saw her profile pic on facebook a few weeks back of her and another guy, so I've had to swallow that pill, and tell myself she is dating him. But I haven't asked anyone about it, nor have I tried looking at her profile since. It's just too painful, and I find sometimes as the dumpees, we can be quite masochistic. There are times where I have had an impulse to send her an email, but I realize the response I'd get isn't what I want, so I'm not going to put myself through that. NC is definitely for the best, the results are starting to pay dividends finally. For those who feel like it's not working, it takes time...

[JA0371]

Ha..starting on day 2 today..inititated by me. Just going to answer any texts or calls initiated by him, but nothing

that reeks of 'breadcrumbs'. Funny...I saw him drive past me today on a busy road near where I work. Not sure if he saw me, but if he did I didn't look in his direction...just kept going Yay me!

[stekng1fan]

Today is day 10 of NC - we work together so I see her every day but we don't interact at all anymore even though we sit 10 feet apart. I put in my headphones and listen to music all day so I don't have to hear her. Break up was about 5 weeks ago I guess. That's when I decided to move on and call it for what it was since she didn't have the maturity to actually break up. This past weekend something shifted in my heart and in my mind and I'm feeling pretty great. I found something that completely distracts my mind from any of it - video games. It works beautifully, I can sit there for hours and all that is on my mind is the game in front of me! So now when I feel something coming on or she pops into my head I put a game on and go at it.

[ewr]

This week will be 3 months BU/NC, went NC day 0 and never looked back. Well, looked back a lot actually, but never pulled the trigger! So glad now, thinking back to my other BU's where I kept breaking NC, 10x worse just because of that hands down. The only thing I can say still pings me a little once every few days, is that sudden "holy ****...I used to know every little tiny thing about them and there lives (we lived together), now I know nothing at all about her!" weird feeling!

 

KEEP UP NC!

[Jacksonsmith]

I am doing well I haven't contacted her in 3 weeks almost 4 weeks when Wednesday rolls around. I keep thinking she will call me up like that would ever happen and I have the itchy fingers to call her up but as much as it kills me I have to say NC. I still miss her like crazy....... She was my first love

[lmasterz]

54 days of NC. It started off bad, crying multiple times daily. I still cry, but once every other day. It is getting better, and to be honest, it is a very weird feeling knowing that I'm getting better because it is starting to hit me even more that this thing is real. I guess the fact that I know I wont see her anytime soon (14 hour flight) makes it easier/harder, depending on how you look at it.

[soybeans]

It will be one full month on Thursday since the break-up, went NC the next day. I haven't talked to him at all since. The bad days where I feel weak and vulnerable seem to outnumber the good. There are times when I just want to give in and call but the only thing stopping me is knowing he won't pick up.

 

I'm glad that I didn't beg and plead or continually try to reach out. I got the hint real quick when he left without a word and ignored my subsequent phone calls. I texted him the same night telling him if he wasn't going to return my calls, then I would just assume we were over. He ignored that text. I called him the next day to break up with him over a voicemail. Even though I knew it was done, I had to at least give myself some sort of closure, looking back now I realize it was unnecessary but emotions were running high.

 

I'm trying to fill the void now with anything. I'm staying busy with school and work and trying to meet new people during the day. At those times I don't think of it as much, but it's still on my mind. At the end of the day I feel miserable and lonely and over-think things. I'm really trying my best to move on and I often get frustrated that I haven't by now. I envy the people on here who have exes that stay in contact with him.

[Jacksonsmith]

When will we stop pondering about them? When will we stop wishing they would call us up or a simple text? When will we stop fighting the urge to call them?

[sandrawg]

As of tomorrow, it'll be 3 weeks since the breakup. I had gone NC for a little over 2 weeks, then sent him an email asking for closure/answers to my questions that keep bugging me, even tho I have no interest in getting him back. On Sunday I found out he'd come on to a friend of mine when he and I first started dating--we had both only JUST met her that night, but now she and I are good friends. I'm so disgusted by the whole thing. I'd probably puke if I had to see him again. I just want answers. No reply yet.

[MasterPo]

Let's see .. about six 7 weeks now plus almost 2 years. lol

 

Broke up about 2 years ago. Went through an incredibly painful grieving period.. maybe 8 months.. then I was beginning to not give a #$#$#. She wrote a few times which I deleted. Finally I got one this past fall and felt I was at a point where I could read it. LOL Nah, I was anxious and impatient to have my reconciliation period. Never got it. Ugh.

 

I had about October to December of minimal contact, we did some texting and phone calls. Very guarded and brief conversations. Lots of angst on my part and as it turned out my instincts always know before the heart does. She blew it on Dec. 20th and with the exception of Xmas pic of herself, no contact.

 

I'm in a stronger place. My backbone showed up and she has been removed from the pedestal. Still have the emo rollercoaster but it's working out. She has my number and email, I try not to check them but I do. I don't know what will happen if she ever contacts. I would hope I hang up and live happily ever after but I imagine I'll be guarded and polite. I just don't know so let's hope she never calls until I get that figured out eh?

[OldSoul86]

It has been 7 weeks of no contact and 7 weeks since the breakup. I have had urges to reach out to my ex, but I find that they are fading with each passing day. I keep telling myself that I have made so much progress in the last 7 weeks, I would not want to go back to square one. I remember how painful it was for the first month. I know I do not want to go back there, that seems to be the driving force of my silence. I think I am getting to the point where I do not want to hear or see my ex again because of the cold-hearted way that she broke up with me at Christmas. I have a future to think about, I would hate myself if I flushed my four years of education down the drain for an ex. Sometimes in life we have to soldier on and remember that every day brings about a new opportunity.

 

In a way I am kind of glad that my ex has not contacted me since she broke up with me. It has helped me realize that if she truly wanted me, she would have reached out. I can say with about 90% confidence that I would not take her back if she reached out to me. I am also kind of grateful that she let me go, because deep down inside she knew that she was treating me poorly, and I treated her like a princess. As much as it hurts day-to-day not seeing or hearing from her, I have to remember that I have the opportunity to meet a woman who wants to be with me.

 

NC is a rollercoaster ride. Sometimes I feel like I am healing, and sometimes I feel like I did when we first broke up. I only pray that time works its magic on all of the people suffering from a bad breakup, and myself - and stabilizes our emotions.

[The walkingman]

So it has been ~10 weeks NC, but something has came up. She had a piece of furniture that belonged to a buddy of mine and he has been asking for it back so I finally just gave her his number. He called her and she said she will be let him know when she can come by to drop it off at my apartment.

 

I assume it would be best if I am not around when this happens?

[secondchance67]

7 weeks this week.

 

I still get very upset, cry just as hard as week one, but now for different reasons...its the stuff you realize, the things that touch you deep inside...the things that re-enforce that yes, "it really was that bad"...i still want answers i 'll never get, woulda/coulda/shoulda every now and then....all normal at this point, and I don't beat myself up too much when i am on a downer.

 

I know why she left- for another guy whom she cheated on me with previously, and started to again some 3 months before she broke off our 6 year relationship, living with me and sleeping in my bed each night, all the while giving him what i no longer got from her.

 

I will NEVER break NC; she doesn't deserve the satisfaction, and i am so much stronger now than i was the 1sT week of January; so much more sure this is best and that it truly is her loss.

 

How did i do 7 weeks straight?

 

EASY:

 

She cheated

She lied

She used me and has ZERO respect for me ( or herself for that matter)

I deserve better, and i am starting to love myself enough again to know the difference between needing someone and being in a relationship with someone - there is a definitive line, and i never saw that before...i was too wrapped up in her tsunami of drama and abuse to even know I was miserable.

 

She can have him - they can have each other - both cheaters, liars, selfish a-holes that will destroy each other at some point.

 

Yeah, re-reading what i just typed.....I WILL GO TO MY GRAVE FIRST BEFORE BREAKING NC

[secondchance67]

perfectly stated. I could not have said it better...our stories are very similar...hang in there

[calisurfer]

It was hellof hard the first few weeks, but it got easier as time went on. It's been over a year since the bu and my ex still sends me random txts out the blue. A simple 'hi' or 'hope everything is going ok', I still don't reply. I see no point. Like a few peeps on here told me 'Ex's are ex's for a reason'.

[thelastsong]

Almost 6 months for me. I have no desire whatsoever to contact him. I blocked him on Facebook and deleted his phone number. I also sent him an email asking him to never contact me again after he initiated contact last August, so I doubt I'll ever hear from him again. I guess sometimes I still wish he'd call or send a long email about how it was the biggest mistake of his life and he was wrong etc., but I know it's just a fantasy. And if those aren't the words he's saying, I honestly don't want to hear from him. I've been crossing my fingers that he'll go back to his home country or move to Europe the way he told me he would, but given his engagement, things don't look good. I guess we'll have awkward run-ins until I can manage to uproot myself and move somewhere else permanently.

 

For all of those new with NC, I'd say it was a good 5 or 6 months post break-up before the urge to contact him completely went away, greatly aided by the knowledge that he had already moved on. The first month was absolute torture, but it got much better after that.

[hodgeheg]

It's been 4 months for me and, to use the same old cliché, it has been a huge rollercoaster! (And I hate rollercoasters)

 

It got proressively a lot better, I felt fantastic, I flirted with other people, kissed someone else and finally slept with someone else and did not regret it or think about him. (Well, not at the time although I did afterwards) And I even thought, "Wow - i'm over him!"

 

Turns out that I'm not (big surprise there)! I am certainly better than I was 4 months ago but I find myself forgetting the bad things and the horrible way he made me feel. I'm looking back with rose-tinted glases and I can't seem to take them off!

 

Another thing that concerns me is that I went NC immeadiately, I haven't so much as whispered to him since the moment I shut my front door, and it sometimes worries me that maybe I didn't fight enough.

[Zack808]

It's going on 7 weeks for me, NC from both sides since day 1. The past 3-4 days i've been doing fine. I never have urges to contact. Each day makes me realize that my decision was the best thing ever for me. I still think about her everyday but I think about her differently now. School and work keeps me busy, in fact, I find myself really focused on school which is a plus. As each day passes, you just start seeing things in a different light, that dark tunnel isn't so dark afterall.

[Colour Me Once]

Reading this has brought me a lot of comfort today - thanks. There are so many interesting comments here and its really good to hear that almost everyone is going through feelings that I am or have been through - its a comfort because I can reassure myself that these feelings are natural.

- soybeans - what you said about filling the void and being ok until its hometime and then feeling real loneliness is exactly how I feel and I completely agree with oldsoul that it feels like a rollercoaster - some days you think its working and then other days you are right back to where you started. and secondchance - i should write down what this person did to me - as it would make me just as angry and assured that I will never get back in touch.

 

 

 

well v day came and went without so much as a sniff. am sure he's with someone else now, being the manipulative horror that he is. I didnt sleep at all last night, just terrible thoughts and so much anger at him my heart was racing. I would never take him back. Logically. But my feelings arent as clear as that. NC is like being in really murky water - you just keep swimming to get but there is this panic because you cant see anything and cant breathe - you just keep going and hope to get out, but there is no guarantee.

 

I dont sleep well at all - its becoming a real problem. When I do sleep all my nightmares and dreams revolve around him. I wish I could just switch off my brain. Or switch onto someone else instead. I will never walk so casually into a relationship again unless its someone I am crazy about. I cant ever let this happen again, its ruined my life, confidence, I feel like I'm back to square one.

[secondchance67]

Today is just another day on your road to healing; its an over commercialized way to make money - remember love is an ACTION - its not a notion or an obligation ...buying gifts, cards, flowers....to me, that should be done all year, not just on 1 day determined by the mass marketers as the day to do it.

 

Heal yourself...read other people's stories....and know that you are not alone in this....some stories will inspire you...some posts will make you feel better and some will crush your spirit.

Keep in mind that you will actively seek the info you want to see, and discount the rest if it isn't pointing to what you really want to hear or believe is going on with your particular situation.

The hardest thing to do is ACCEPT THTAT IT IS OVER.

Once you do that, the healing can begin.

Write down all the crap you were put thru...i still carry around my notes, tattered and worn from re-reading over and over in the last 7 weeks....but they serve as a reminder when i get nastalgic and overly- emotional about her.

 

Please remember he did what he did for a reason....his silence and the void left by him should be your reason to continue on....for what its worth - the best revenge is living a full and rewarding life WITHOUT him in it....you can't see that now, but in time you will.

 

Get outta his head...it will only cause you more pain, questions and unresolved anger and sorrow....

[OldSoul86]

perfectly stated. I could not have said it better...our stories are very similar...hang in there

 

You too secondchance, just remember that we deserve better. More importantly remember that you have the skills to love truly and deeply and that bodes well for your next relationship, and that there are women out there who appreciate a good guy! Keep your chin up, and feel free to PM me if you need to vent.